I generally agree with the infodump being heavy. Some of this should just remain notes, imo.
I also like the themes guiding the story. You're bringing the the themes early and tying together the pieces better. Also, I like how you're showing Zeke's iconoclasm here. It's much better than before.
You almost have a narrator as a seperate character here. Something to eatch out for (or embrace fully).
I also like the themes guiding the story. You're bringing the the themes early and tying together the pieces better. Also, I like how you're showing Zeke's iconoclasm here. It's much better than before.
You almost have a narrator as a seperate character here. Something to eatch out for (or embrace fully).
Quote:So, it is only natural that she is repulsed by what she has to do right now.The phrasing here makes me thing of an opinion, but it may just be me.