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I Can Has ROFL Nyao? Or, The ROTFLMAO of the Catgirl
 
#55
Quote:"It is this planet of theirs," Thyren said earnestly, leaning toward
the camera pickup. "It is like no habitable world I have ever seen
before. It is impossible, literally impossible to predict what this
Hellpit is going to throw at you next. If you are not ready at any split
second to react with lightning speed to the constant flux and flow of
conditions here, you die. It is as simple as that. Swift adjustment to
constant change is the price of survival on Earth."
"Is it really
that bad there?" Kilruym wanted to know. "I have heard Thrella complain
about it, but she is always complaining in any case."
Lethos
sighed. "There are some places here on Earth, depending on latitude and
the distribution of land and water, that..." He shook his head. "This
'Mother Earth' of theirs is a ravenous hunter that delights in devouring
her own young."
"What specifically are you referring to?" Skrilla wanted to know.
Lethos
thought for a moment. "There are some areas on this planet where it is
possible to get up at dawn to greet a beautiful sunny morning, with warm
pleasant breezes, and by noon be facing a rain storm - with howling
winds that can lift you off the ground and throw you hard enough to
break bones." Lethos winced and added as an aside, "I hate rain. Snow is
wonderful of course. But rain soaks its way inside your clothing and
coats you in a sheath of melted exoskelteon."
"It sounds miserable," Shran agreed distastefully.
"It
can be even more miserable," Thyren added ruefully, "if you are forced
to leave your shelter and flee because an undersea quake has caused a
tsnunami to sweep in toward you."
"That might be disconcerting, I will admit," Skrilla acknowledged.
"But
then you find that you must change course and veer away from your
planned escape route," Thyren continued, "because the tectonic
disturbance was more extensive than you first realized, and that lovely
mountain you admired this morning has just blown up and spewed flaming
lava over the area."
Shran made a choking sound. "Blown up? What do you mean, blown up?"
"Exactly
what he said, Commander," Lethos replied grimly. "He meant blown up.
Exploded. Like a torpedo. I know it is hard to imagine, since very few
class M worlds have active volcanoes."
"There are active volcanoes here on Vulcan," Kilruym said. "But they don't blow up."
"That's
because the plate tectonics on Vulcan are significantly less active
than on Earth," Thyren noted. "I'm sure you have noted the volcanoes on
T'Kuht? They are large and fiery enough to be seen with the naked eye at
night. The volcanic activity is almost as fierce here as it is on
T'Khut. The edge of the tectonic plate that surrounds the major oceanic
area is so active that Humans refer to it as the Ring of Fire."
Thyren
stopped to catch his breath and Lethos interjected helpfully. "While
you are fleeing the tsnunami and the lava flow, you must watch carefully
to avoid falling trees that are being torn loose by the howling winds,
or struck down by the massive thunderbolts that split the sky on this
world like pulse cannons.
"Oh, one last thing," Thyren mentioned.
"One must be careful while fleeing the tsnunami and the volcano, as the
storm and the screaming winds are trying to rip the skin off your back,
to avoid being fried by the forest fires that the lava started. Not to
mention the mudslides."
"All of this between sunrise and sunset," Lethos said tiredly.
"Mudslides." Kilruym said flatly.
"Oh
yes, Ambassador," Lethos told him. "The ground is only frozen here at
the poles. Nowhere else. So any admixture of water in any form
destabilizes things quite remarkably."
"How did they build a
civilization?" Skrilla wondered. "Without any solidly frozen ground for a
base, how do they keep their buildings from tumbling over?"
"By
drilling down to bedrock, usually." Thyren explained. "But it is not
unusual at all for entire towns to be buried in mudslides. Or in lava
flows. Or flattened in windstorms. Or shaken to pieces in quakes. Or
washed away in flood waters."
"Great Mother Andor," Shran
whispered. "I knew from talking to them that their world was harsh.
Archer and I had compared notes about the differences between mountain
climbing on Andoria and on Earth. I also remember hearing Tucker talk
about growing up near that foul sounding swamp. But this-"
"Near a swamp?" Thyren absently tugged on his antenna, to the amusement of all present. "What about in a swamp? One the most highly prized cities on this planet is sinking."
"What?" said Kilruym.
"What?" said Skrilla.
"What?" said Shran.
"Sinking,"
said Thyren with a twitch of his right antenna and a head shake. He
leaned back in his chair with a distracted expression.
"By the Tongue Dancers of Rigil," Kilruym demanded, "What is he talking about Lethos?"
Lethos
looked resigned. "The city is named Venice. It is very old, by Human
standards. They built it in the middle of a swamp, on poles."
"On what?" Skrilla stared, dumbfounded.
"Poles,"
Lethos repeated. "They drove long poles down into the mud as deeply as
they could. Then they built their houses on top of them. It is a common
practice here. What is unusual about Venice is that they built an entire
city this way. Instead of streets they use canals, and boats instead of
ground cars."
"You cannot possibly be serious," Shran whispered hoarsely, incredulous.
"It's
true," Thyren insisted. "But over the centuries, the city has settled
into the mud. So the Humans have continued to build it up higher and
higher. They have also worked to try and drain the swamp somewhat, and
generally do whatever they can to preserve the area. But the planet is
winning the battle. Their Mother Earth is eating them, slowly but
surely."
Kilruym looked dazed. "And I complain about dry heat."
"They
have that here too," Lethos said helpfully. "There is a place called,
appropriately enough, Death Valley, where temperatures can reach as high
as 57 degrees."
Kilruym winced. "It doesn't get much hotter than that in the Forge," he grumbled.
"It
is not all like that," Lethos assured them. "The climate here in
Toronto is quite tolerable in winter. From this point northward things
are quite pleasant. Except for the storms of course. This atmosphere
is... turbulent. That moon of theirs is a veritable demon when it comes
to weather disturbance."
"Why would their moon matter?" Shran objected. "Andoria orbits a gas giant. Surely our planet is subjected to greater stress."
"But
our oceans are covered in pack ice," Lethos pointed out. "Here, the
tidal variations cause massive shifts in water level twice a day. Every
day. This of course plays havoc with the oceanic currents. And this
planet wobbles on its axis like a top that is about to fall over. The
axial tilt on this planet is more than 23 degrees, if you can believe
it. Twenty-three degrees! The seasonal variations in temperature are
incredible."
"Especially when the atmosphere turns upside down," Thyren interjected helpfully.
After
a few moments it occurred to Lethos that, if the Human proverb were
literally true and silence were actually golden, one could readily
purchase a palace on Rigel's fourth moon with the wealth that was
pouring out of the monitor in front of them. He eventually decided to
answer the question that everyone was afraid to ask before they all
starved. He cleared his throat delicately.
"What Agent Thyren is
talking about," Lethos offered cautiously, "Is referred to by the Humans
as a 'temperature inversion'. It is caused by a major disturbance in
the atmospheric pressure, which is caused by shifts in the prevailing
wind currents, which are in turn brought about due to the axial tilt and
the tidal force of their moon on the massive quantities of liquid water
that cover this planet's surface. You see -."
"Don't bother," Shran muttered. "Now, suddenly, many things become very clear to me."
"It
seems I may have judged too quickly and harshly Lethos," Skrilla
acknowledged stiffly. "From what the pair of you are telling me, it is
small wonder that Human behavior would sometimes be... erratic." She
shuddered slightly. "But such a place as you describe must be
unimaginably stressful. How could they have ever learned to hold
themselves together long enough to build a civilization, much less
achieve starships? How do they cope with it all?" she wondered.
The
two Dark Guard agents look at each other helplessly. Finally Lethos
tentatively offered, "I have noticed that they seem to curse a great
deal."
===========

===============================================
"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."
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[No subject] - by robkelk - 11-08-2012, 05:49 PM
[No subject] - by Norgarth - 11-08-2012, 08:24 PM
[No subject] - by Jorlem - 11-09-2012, 01:15 AM
[No subject] - by robkelk - 11-12-2012, 02:48 AM
[No subject] - by Jorlem - 11-13-2012, 02:22 AM
[No subject] - by Necratoid - 11-18-2012, 11:21 PM
[No subject] - by RomanFanboy - 11-23-2012, 07:23 AM
[No subject] - by K sai - 11-26-2012, 12:40 PM
[No subject] - by LilFluff - 12-01-2012, 09:04 PM
[No subject] - by Necratoid - 12-06-2012, 11:36 AM
[No subject] - by Norgarth - 12-12-2012, 09:38 PM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 12-13-2012, 10:17 AM
[No subject] - by K sai - 12-19-2012, 04:54 AM
[No subject] - by SkyeFire - 12-19-2012, 08:04 AM
[No subject] - by Ebony - 12-19-2012, 06:08 PM
[No subject] - by RomanFanboy - 12-23-2012, 10:05 AM
[No subject] - by DHBirr - 12-27-2012, 07:22 PM
[No subject] - by SkyeFire - 12-28-2012, 06:27 AM
[No subject] - by ECSNorway - 01-03-2013, 11:57 PM
[No subject] - by Proginoskes - 01-04-2013, 05:27 AM
[No subject] - by robkelk - 01-04-2013, 05:17 PM
[No subject] - by robkelk - 01-05-2013, 02:51 AM
[No subject] - by Valles - 01-05-2013, 11:49 AM
[No subject] - by robkelk - 01-05-2013, 05:30 PM
[No subject] - by DHBirr - 01-05-2013, 10:07 PM
[No subject] - by Valles - 01-06-2013, 05:12 AM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 01-06-2013, 06:18 AM
[No subject] - by Valles - 01-06-2013, 07:20 AM
[No subject] - by DHBirr - 01-06-2013, 06:40 PM
[No subject] - by Necratoid - 01-06-2013, 08:19 PM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 01-06-2013, 09:33 PM
[No subject] - by Necratoid - 01-07-2013, 01:06 AM
[No subject] - by Bob Schroeck - 01-07-2013, 02:07 AM
[No subject] - by robkelk - 01-08-2013, 05:55 PM
[No subject] - by s3yang - 01-08-2013, 09:09 PM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 01-10-2013, 11:58 AM
[No subject] - by RomanFanboy - 01-10-2013, 09:04 PM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 01-11-2013, 01:18 AM
[No subject] - by Shepherd - 01-11-2013, 02:33 AM
[No subject] - by robkelk - 01-11-2013, 04:28 PM
[No subject] - by Bob Schroeck - 01-11-2013, 04:38 PM

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