I Can Has ROFL Nyao? Or, The ROTFLMAO of the Catgirl

[robkelk]

It's movie time! Shadowjack has watched the Sailor Moon S movie... but he's only posted his recap of the first part of the movie, so far.

A woman of ice! Half-naked, white robe worn loosely, jewelry is made of crystals possible only at conditions near Absolute Zero. And because all Monsters of the Week are contractually obligated to dress strangely, she wears a white shower cap.

And then the girls go shopping while the opening credits run...

Usagi: "Chibi-Usa, if you buy that voodoo doll, I will buy one, too."
Chibi-Usa: /puts it back.

Yomiko Readman: "But I NEED those books! What do you mean 'sold out'?!"
Clerk: "I'm sorry, Miss, but the girl in blue already bought the lot."
Ami: /looks up from book. "Huh?"
Yomiko Readman: "NOOOOOOO!"
Makoto: "You think you've got problems? Who do you think is going to have to carry that pile?"

Michiru: "Wait, we're in this movie?"
Sailor Pluto: "Who's going to keep us out?"

Enough with the opening credits – back to the story.

Usagi: /watches the news.
Luna: /a bit stuffy. "Now, the question is, are you watching the news to learn about the world, or are you watching it because it's the biggest TV in sight?"
Usagi: "Both, of course!"

Luna: /staggers and passes out.
Car: /GRRRRR!
The Astronomer: /Daring Last-Moment SAVE!
Car: "Curses! Cheated of my prey again!"

Minako: "Are we quite certain she didn't stay out on purpose? Say in a private place, or at a friend's house, or something?"
Usagi: "But Luna doesn't have any friends!"
Artemis: "I say!"

Usagi: "No, you!"
Ami: "Guys."
Rei: "¡No, you!"
Ami: "Guys, you can flirt later."
Rei and Usagi: "…We are not—"
Ami: "You're this close together with your tongues out! What are we supposed to think?"

Kakeru: "So, what's your name, Miss?"
Luna: /cheerily. "Lun—"
Luna: /clamps paws over mouth.
Kakeru: "Did you just talk?"
Luna: "No."
Kakeru: "Good. Phew. Maybe I am working too hard."

Ami: "I'm not calming down, I'm pissed off! That bitch is copying my schtick!"

(Jeanne Hedge's comment on this line: "You go, Ami L. Jackson!")

Haruka: "Yes, it's been very quiet lately. A welcome change of pace."

A mob of terrified citizens screams past the window, pursued by a Snow Dancer, pursued by the Inner Senshi.

Haruka: /headdesk.

Chibi-Usa: "Don't be distracted by the music!"
Usagi: "That's from the Nutcracker Suite isn't it?"
Usagi: "Wait, wait, no… no, it's not."
Usagi: "Okay, why would you do a piece of music that's almost but not quite 'Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies' when the Nutcracker Suite is public domain? Why not just use the real music?"
Usagi: /is confused.
Chibi-Usa: "Why do you care?"
Chibi-Usa: /is confused.

The surviving Snow Dancers retreat as swiftly as they arrived, and the freezing spells abruptly fade. All the people, buildings, and vehicles that were frozen unthaw, and find themselves perfectly unharmed.

After a moment of confusion, everyone pretty much shrugs and goes on about their business as if nothing had happened.

Usagi: "There is something seriously wrong with this city."

And that's it for the first part of the IWIW... (baits breath, waits for part two)
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012