[Let's Write!] An Avatar/X-Over Adventure!

[robkelk]

You're giving a good amount of exposition on FMA for folks (like myself) who have only a minimum knowledge of the story.

So far, there's been a lot of Ed and Nin going places and seeing other people do things, and not too much of Ed and Nin doing things themselves. (The taking of the Fire Nation ship notwithstanding.) I know this fits both source stories, but I'm not sure that it works in this format... you might try making Our Heroes a bit more proactive and see what happens.

It's still too early to critique the overall plot, since you haven't had a chance to really show it to us; you've been showing us the setting and the characters instead (which is necessary at this stage of the story so we don't get lost later). In a more traditional story, everything you've posted so far would be part of chapter 1. It might be time to go on to chapter 2...
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012