So...it's not completely terrible, then? I'm sure I've got deficiencies in pacing, prose, exposition, dialogue, whatever... I just don't have enough experience to get a firm grasp on what they are. (It's amazing how much you can agonize over just about any sentence.) I'm not confident enough to post anything in a more-trafficked place like the Pit yet. Hence my two big questions.
elements. Like you'd use on LJ. I actually had to do a little search-replacing to get it into a form Yuku would accept.
I've never actually posted something on the Pit of Voles, so I don't know whether my semi-HTML formatting would work there. Other than that, it seems like it'd work just about anywhere except Usenet. Except a forum that uses BBCode, and that'd just be a basic pair of search-replaces -- -to-].
Pronounced "shy guy."
Foxboy Wrote:Nice take on the Cardinal Sin of EVA Fanfic.A quick Google indicates that some of you have been using that name, but I hadn't heard it before. Huh.
Necratoid Wrote:As for the story itself, it may be my lack of a through archive crawl, but I don't think I've seen a mental voice type actually try to convince Rei that Gendo needs mental help this way before.Note that little was mentioned on what exactly was needed to save Gendo's life.
Necratoid Wrote:Its subtle and of him?
Necratoid Wrote:The only thing i can think of that stands out as questionable is just formatting issues. Specifically, that the formatting is built for this forum. Not a bad thing, but posting this on say Pit of Voles would make this harder to read. Just something to think about should this be posted elsewhere.Huh? I basically wrote it with standard HTML for formatting, except with text line breaks instead of or or
elements. Like you'd use on LJ. I actually had to do a little search-replacing to get it into a form Yuku would accept.
I've never actually posted something on the Pit of Voles, so I don't know whether my semi-HTML formatting would work there. Other than that, it seems like it'd work just about anywhere except Usenet. Except a forum that uses BBCode, and that'd just be a basic pair of search-replaces -- -to-].
Dartz Wrote:And likewiseGuh, I hate when that happens. Even worse with Yuku if you weren't logged in before, because the number of the last page can be different depending on whether you're logged in or out. Well, if you remember anything else, feel free to mention it. (Not clear on what you mean by "infodump," though...is that common?)
Yuku ate my original post, but long story short. I like how you're handling Rei in this, and how rather than beginning with a bit of an infodump, ir actually begins in a way that draws you in to the story. I'm interested in seeing a bit more
Pronounced "shy guy."