I'd capitalize "the Commander" in reference to Gendou, especially from Rei.
I'm pretty good at the proofreading/copyediting side of beta-reading, at least, though I haven't gotten to do it much in a while. If you want to send something my way for comments, I'd be glad to look it over; however, I have no familiarity with any system FFnet may have in that regard, and I neither have an account there AFAIK nor have any interest in getting one.
(Be warned that my standards are unreasonably high, and I can be quite critical sometimes. However, given the quality of the material you've already posted here, I doubt you've got much to worry about.)
I'm pretty good at the proofreading/copyediting side of beta-reading, at least, though I haven't gotten to do it much in a while. If you want to send something my way for comments, I'd be glad to look it over; however, I have no familiarity with any system FFnet may have in that regard, and I neither have an account there AFAIK nor have any interest in getting one.
(Be warned that my standards are unreasonably high, and I can be quite critical sometimes. However, given the quality of the material you've already posted here, I doubt you've got much to worry about.)