Ah, sorry about that. Kinda got focused onto a particular gripe against a certain plot point.
That said (and back on topic somewhat), I think his main problem is a lack of focus. It has happened in his other stories as well, where the story wanders off for a while when something else catches his fancy, and he doesn't want to start a new story, so he just wedges it into the current one. The most blatant example I can think of was in Insertion, where he just created a whole new universe to run a sidestory in, then went back to the main universe when that plot was resolved, but he's done it in other stories, like Kyubed. In that story, it started out with two 'real' sneaky type ninja, and then wanders off with Naruto becoming king of the foxes.
This is a problem for some other authors too, such as Perfect Lionheart. While it is definitely not his only problem, he starts stories with one idea, such as the horcrux in Harry's head waking up and warping him, then gets distracted and switches to other ideas entirely, like becoming a champion of the Queen of the Fae, or time travel shenanigans. Any one of these could carry its own story, but they try to cram all these and more into one story, and it falls apart. I do enjoy reading Contrabardus's stuff, even with this flaw, as the stories are quite fun and the characters enjoyable, which is not the case for PL's stuff, which I have given up on as I came to hate his protagonists.
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Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber." --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.
That said (and back on topic somewhat), I think his main problem is a lack of focus. It has happened in his other stories as well, where the story wanders off for a while when something else catches his fancy, and he doesn't want to start a new story, so he just wedges it into the current one. The most blatant example I can think of was in Insertion, where he just created a whole new universe to run a sidestory in, then went back to the main universe when that plot was resolved, but he's done it in other stories, like Kyubed. In that story, it started out with two 'real' sneaky type ninja, and then wanders off with Naruto becoming king of the foxes.
This is a problem for some other authors too, such as Perfect Lionheart. While it is definitely not his only problem, he starts stories with one idea, such as the horcrux in Harry's head waking up and warping him, then gets distracted and switches to other ideas entirely, like becoming a champion of the Queen of the Fae, or time travel shenanigans. Any one of these could carry its own story, but they try to cram all these and more into one story, and it falls apart. I do enjoy reading Contrabardus's stuff, even with this flaw, as the stories are quite fun and the characters enjoyable, which is not the case for PL's stuff, which I have given up on as I came to hate his protagonists.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber." --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.