I'm coming late to the review party I guess:
For the first chapter I find the transformation sequence/seal loosening bit Clunky. I'm really not sure how she managed know who her mom was. Her dad was listed as unhelpful in the extreme. She apparently didn't read it off the compact. No flash of insight. She just randomly seemed to suddenly know for no detailed reason. Is this just me not having the historical background to recognise the compact from legend... it just felt like rather clunky. Like I somehow missed a paragraph.
Yes, this was explained in thread... but not in story. It wasn't changed so its still a valid point. That and chapter 4 has some notes... chapter one could use the same thing.
Second chapter... actually felt rather natural. The cursing was more regional dialect than offensive.
Third chapter I'd echo the body count confusion a bit. Not on the girls so much as the I thought there were also armed rent-a-cops at the door (zombie attacks and all), not personal retainers on my read through. Though I guess that was an object lesson in pointing with bullets and not shouting and pointing with fingers.. Seriously they died because some idiot taunted the witch, rather than crowning her. Tactically, he should have opened fire in a direction and not made himself a target. Also, I'm not sure what condition the 'Witch's' head was in after all those rounds.
Chapter 4 was interesting... what stuck out as annoying was the questioning why one whose self and 3 sibling all have names with the prefix 'moon' would chose the name Moonspawn. This seemed like a stupid thing to complain about.
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So far the plot seems to be... Pantheon head informs his kids they are having mortal heirs now... and buggers off... Underworld goddess, then waits until the kids are of age and sends undead fodder and their commanders to Japan to kill until they find them. As late as possible said heirs are given seal dampening items to deal with said corpse waves. Sounds like the Pantheon head spent the last decade and a half bumming around with the head deadhead setting up a betting pool... possibly an MMORPG
Meanwhile, the Sun Goddess picks a priest as a mate. Was coy with him for a while... then left him to scar their offspring by making her have to play spy games to get anything out of her dad... Apparently so she is full of blinding righteous rage or something. Even her minion/mentor is vague at her. Its like they wanted a nuclear berserker or something.
The Moon guy picks up a hooker or something and lets her self destruct and his heir raise her other kids. Then sends an unsealing item that is actually useful to her combat style. Also, a minion/mentor ahead of time...
The third one apparently took a famous official mistress... that can easily provide for her and gives her a huge networking support base. Then only makes the mistake of forgetting to tip the mom off in what weapon her kid should train in.
Its kind of weird the one that apparently picked a mate at random (apparently) seems to have put the most thought into things at the tails end. Also, that the most criminal one had the least destructive debut fight and actually works the best with conventional forces. I kind of wonder if the rabbit is actually in awe of how grounded his demigoddess lady is... Possibly this was a calculation move to raise a demigoddess that wasn't going to suck to be around near as much as her sire's other relatives.
For the first chapter I find the transformation sequence/seal loosening bit Clunky. I'm really not sure how she managed know who her mom was. Her dad was listed as unhelpful in the extreme. She apparently didn't read it off the compact. No flash of insight. She just randomly seemed to suddenly know for no detailed reason. Is this just me not having the historical background to recognise the compact from legend... it just felt like rather clunky. Like I somehow missed a paragraph.
Yes, this was explained in thread... but not in story. It wasn't changed so its still a valid point. That and chapter 4 has some notes... chapter one could use the same thing.
Second chapter... actually felt rather natural. The cursing was more regional dialect than offensive.
Third chapter I'd echo the body count confusion a bit. Not on the girls so much as the I thought there were also armed rent-a-cops at the door (zombie attacks and all), not personal retainers on my read through. Though I guess that was an object lesson in pointing with bullets and not shouting and pointing with fingers.. Seriously they died because some idiot taunted the witch, rather than crowning her. Tactically, he should have opened fire in a direction and not made himself a target. Also, I'm not sure what condition the 'Witch's' head was in after all those rounds.
Chapter 4 was interesting... what stuck out as annoying was the questioning why one whose self and 3 sibling all have names with the prefix 'moon' would chose the name Moonspawn. This seemed like a stupid thing to complain about.
---
So far the plot seems to be... Pantheon head informs his kids they are having mortal heirs now... and buggers off... Underworld goddess, then waits until the kids are of age and sends undead fodder and their commanders to Japan to kill until they find them. As late as possible said heirs are given seal dampening items to deal with said corpse waves. Sounds like the Pantheon head spent the last decade and a half bumming around with the head deadhead setting up a betting pool... possibly an MMORPG
Meanwhile, the Sun Goddess picks a priest as a mate. Was coy with him for a while... then left him to scar their offspring by making her have to play spy games to get anything out of her dad... Apparently so she is full of blinding righteous rage or something. Even her minion/mentor is vague at her. Its like they wanted a nuclear berserker or something.
The Moon guy picks up a hooker or something and lets her self destruct and his heir raise her other kids. Then sends an unsealing item that is actually useful to her combat style. Also, a minion/mentor ahead of time...
The third one apparently took a famous official mistress... that can easily provide for her and gives her a huge networking support base. Then only makes the mistake of forgetting to tip the mom off in what weapon her kid should train in.
Its kind of weird the one that apparently picked a mate at random (apparently) seems to have put the most thought into things at the tails end. Also, that the most criminal one had the least destructive debut fight and actually works the best with conventional forces. I kind of wonder if the rabbit is actually in awe of how grounded his demigoddess lady is... Possibly this was a calculation move to raise a demigoddess that wasn't going to suck to be around near as much as her sire's other relatives.