Unlike most of the other people who posted in the other thread, I don't know much about In Nomine but have played through Persona 3 and 4, and am eager to read more.
A few errors I noticed, in case you planned to post this on Fanfiction.net or elsewhere:
the yelling of a severant shook her out of her thoughts. --> Servant I think you meant. Unless severant is a thing in In Nomine.
fight them in truth...I struck their leader --> Missing a space after the ellipse.
was waited backstage for his assignment to arrive. --> waited should be waiting
some human named Rise The idiot hellsworn mortal --> missing a period.
right to your doorstep, you'd practically have to be in the room to here the disturbance he'd just caused, ao he was feeling safe --> Possibly should have started this sentance with a 'but', hear instead of here and a typo resulted in ao instead of so.
the human singer finally walked into . The human that --> missing a word at the end of the sentence.
another drop of Essence to bo. --> so instead of bo.
The a split second later --> Then instead of the
him wasn't a couincidence --> coincidence
and he was decent chance he wasn't lying. --> probably meant to throw a there in there. Or is it thier... I'm bad with that one.
The only other thing I have to mention are the fact that you don't mention what kind of effect getting hit with a Garu spell has on Kulumah before he buggers off.
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If you become a monster to put down a monster you've still got a monster running around at the end of the day and have as such not really solved the whole monster problem at all.
A few errors I noticed, in case you planned to post this on Fanfiction.net or elsewhere:
the yelling of a severant shook her out of her thoughts. --> Servant I think you meant. Unless severant is a thing in In Nomine.
fight them in truth...I struck their leader --> Missing a space after the ellipse.
was waited backstage for his assignment to arrive. --> waited should be waiting
some human named Rise The idiot hellsworn mortal --> missing a period.
right to your doorstep, you'd practically have to be in the room to here the disturbance he'd just caused, ao he was feeling safe --> Possibly should have started this sentance with a 'but', hear instead of here and a typo resulted in ao instead of so.
the human singer finally walked into . The human that --> missing a word at the end of the sentence.
another drop of Essence to bo. --> so instead of bo.
The a split second later --> Then instead of the
him wasn't a couincidence --> coincidence
and he was decent chance he wasn't lying. --> probably meant to throw a there in there. Or is it thier... I'm bad with that one.
The only other thing I have to mention are the fact that you don't mention what kind of effect getting hit with a Garu spell has on Kulumah before he buggers off.
--
If you become a monster to put down a monster you've still got a monster running around at the end of the day and have as such not really solved the whole monster problem at all.