ROFL Beethoven, and tell Tchaikovsky the news

[Bob Schroeck]

So, I've been reading http://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/ ... ou.285190/]Biting the Hand that Feeds You, thanks to Fred's recommendation over in the "New Fics" thread, and it's just chock-full of choice bits.  Do not miss this round-robin if you like well-written crackfic comedy. 
However, it was this short "out of story" sequence, written by several thread contributors, that made me stifle laughter here at work.

"Lord Voldemort?" Asked the faceless mook.
"What?"
"It appears that the Potter boy has the Sorting Hat. It may interfere with the attack."
Voldemort sighed. "I knew this day would come."
"My lord?"
"To counter the Sorting Hat, we need a magical talking artifact of equal power."
The mook's non-existant eyes widened. "M-My lord, surely you don't mean-"
"Bring me the Scarf of Sexual Preference." Ordered Voldemort.

The mook slowly entered the chambers, torch light flickering and casting long shadows upon the rows of kneeling death eaters.
Solemnly, with head bowed, the mook approached the throne at the head of room. Upon reaching the foot of the throne, he dropped silently to his knees, hands held out before him.
In his hands was a deep purple hand knit scarf.
Voldemort rose from his throne, and gracefully plucked the scarf away from his mook. He gazed upon its splendor, the quality in its craftsmanship obvious to even the least discerning eye. Delicately, he wrapped the scarf around his neck, until both ends hang in front of him.
The ends lift into the air on their own, floating one over the other into a loose facsimile of lips.
The scarf's new mouth opened up.
"... Fabulous."

Sotto voce to audience: In today's production, the role of the Scarf of Sexual Preference will be voiced by Tim Curry.

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.