ROFL Beethoven, and tell Tchaikovsky the news

[Shepherd]

Hermione Granger and the Boy Who Lived (Potter spy school AU)
http://www.tthfanfic.org/Story-30822-65 ... +Lived.htm

At dinner that night, three of the Dragon sixth- and seventh-years walked over to where Hermione was sitting and drinking another quite unpleasant ‘nutrition shake’ for dinner. They loomed over her and demanded she make things stop.
She held up one finger in a ‘wait a moment’ gesture, and she fished a folder of papers out of her backpack. Then she set the folder in her lap and held up sheets of paper one at a time.‘I am not responsible for all of this.’‘Malenfant did something very stupid which could have been murder in the first degree.’‘At a minimum it would have been negligent homicide or attempted murder.’‘If you condone this we have nothing to discuss.’
Webber groaned, “No we don’t. Everyone knows he stepped over the line.”
Hermione held up more papers.‘Make him confess.’‘Make him publicly apologise.’‘The entire school is doing this and they will not stop until they see some fairness.’
“How do you know it’s the whole school?”
She held up more papers.‘I know what could not have been the Griffins in any way.’‘Computer attacks? Biological agents? Who do you think?’
“Fucking Ravens and Badgers…”
Webber complained, “How do you know what we’re going to ask next? You’re creeping me out!”
She held up another page.‘Deductive and inductive inferences.’
“Gah!” They stormed off back to the Dragon table.
Ron and Harry burst out laughing. So did most of the Griffs around her. Dean snorted, “That was freaking amazing! You looked like you had precognition or something!”
She held up another paper. ‘Thank you. I planned it carefully.’ Dean goggled at that.
Ron asked, “Do you really think Malenfant will confess?”
She held up another paper. ‘He will apologise and not confess. It will be a very Dragon performance.’
Harry smirked, “What’s the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?”
She hadn’t really performed acts of precognition. She had just assumed that sooner or later the Dragons would confront her and try to make her stop the madness. And she had some alternative pages she had not shown anyone. She had just marked the pages along their right-hand edge in various places with a paper crimper so she could tell by touch which page to pull out. And she knew Monty Python was always a possibility with Ron and Harry. She pulled out the correct sheet. ‘Is that an African swallow or a European swallow?’
Her face hurt too much to grin at his dumbfounded expression. She also had sheets prepared for Doctor Who and Blackadder references, because she knew Ron and Harry.
Seamus asked, “Who’s going to win the next World Cup?”
She slid her finger down the papers and found the correct stamped position and shape. Then she pulled out the paper she had prepared for a wide variety of questions like that. ‘If I told you, you would do something rash.’
Ron laughed so hard at Seamus’ face that he nearly choked.

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"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV