Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Fanfic: An Astral Drop in Heatherfield
 
#6
Oh, very nice! Much more satisfying. There are a couple of odd phrasings I noticed this time through-

"reality sank it" - probably should be "in"

"nor did I" - okay as is, but might be better with "neither"

It reminds me of that creepy game console tech demo with the robot girl who wakes up for QA while being assembled, or a shortfic I saw once from the perspective of a kagebunshin. Only, you know, not creepy. Being the first contact I've ever had with the fandom makes it easy to connect with Ms. MC.
--
"Anko, what you do in your free time is your own choice. Use it wisely. And if you do not use it wisely, make sure you thoroughly enjoy whatever unwise thing you are doing." - HymnOfRagnorok as Orochimaru at SpaceBattles
woot Med. Eng., verb, 1st & 3rd pers. prsnt. sg. know, knows
Reply


Messages In This Thread
[No subject] - by RomanFanboy - 02-20-2013, 01:26 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-20-2013, 02:20 AM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 02-20-2013, 09:42 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-20-2013, 02:55 PM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 02-20-2013, 04:24 PM
[No subject] - by RomanFanboy - 02-21-2013, 09:27 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-21-2013, 11:47 AM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 02-21-2013, 01:31 PM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-21-2013, 03:14 PM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 02-21-2013, 07:02 PM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-21-2013, 11:49 PM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 02-22-2013, 02:10 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-22-2013, 09:53 AM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 02-22-2013, 05:00 PM
[No subject] - by RomanFanboy - 02-22-2013, 07:59 PM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-23-2013, 12:33 AM
[No subject] - by RomanFanboy - 02-23-2013, 05:50 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-23-2013, 10:52 AM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 02-23-2013, 01:23 PM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-23-2013, 01:37 PM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 02-23-2013, 05:19 PM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-23-2013, 07:23 PM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 02-24-2013, 12:19 AM
[No subject] - by RomanFanboy - 02-24-2013, 07:46 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-24-2013, 02:13 PM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 02-24-2013, 04:42 PM
[No subject] - by RomanFanboy - 02-24-2013, 09:36 PM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 02-24-2013, 10:13 PM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-25-2013, 12:53 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-25-2013, 01:34 PM
[No subject] - by Rusco Ducam - 02-25-2013, 02:12 PM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 02-25-2013, 04:52 PM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-26-2013, 12:13 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-26-2013, 11:12 AM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 02-26-2013, 07:06 PM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-27-2013, 03:00 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-27-2013, 01:34 PM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 02-27-2013, 07:49 PM
[No subject] - by RomanFanboy - 02-28-2013, 08:58 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 02-28-2013, 09:54 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-01-2013, 10:56 AM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 03-02-2013, 04:48 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-02-2013, 08:26 AM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 03-02-2013, 08:47 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-02-2013, 01:58 PM
[No subject] - by ClassicDrogn - 03-04-2013, 01:39 AM
[No subject] - by RomanFanboy - 03-04-2013, 02:39 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-04-2013, 10:45 AM
[No subject] - by RomanFanboy - 03-05-2013, 06:29 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-05-2013, 10:04 AM
[No subject] - by RomanFanboy - 03-05-2013, 06:21 PM
[No subject] - by Deadpan29 - 03-05-2013, 07:49 PM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-06-2013, 12:55 AM
[No subject] - by RomanFanboy - 03-06-2013, 05:30 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-06-2013, 11:07 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-08-2013, 12:08 AM
[No subject] - by RomanFanboy - 03-08-2013, 09:35 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-08-2013, 10:51 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-09-2013, 05:03 PM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-11-2013, 12:17 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-13-2013, 01:02 PM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-16-2013, 08:32 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-18-2013, 12:01 PM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-20-2013, 11:05 PM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-22-2013, 10:48 PM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-24-2013, 09:27 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-28-2013, 09:30 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 03-30-2013, 08:23 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 04-02-2013, 08:04 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 04-03-2013, 10:34 AM
[No subject] - by drakensis - 04-09-2013, 07:22 AM

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 18 Guest(s)