Hrm, there's a few spelling errors here and there (mostly words missing an s on the end) but nothing major.
During the fight with Lancer you've got the line "Luckily, she had jumped back before the invocation and the spear head dodged her heart by inches." Dodged should be missed, unless Saber was trying to bludgeon Gae Bolg with a major organ for some reason.
And in the fight with Berserker:
'Both of Shirou’s servants reacted instantly. Their clothes turned back into what they were wearing previously, and they each got into their preferred positions. Rider jumped back, getting the range she prefered for her weapons while Saber dashed forward and intercepts the giant’s attack. Her invisible weapon meets the slab of rock Berserker is using as a sword and deflects it. The beast doesn’t react, only striking another blow.'
You kinda switch tenses halfway through the paragraph.
You might want to have Rin or someone make a comment about how supporting two, much less four servants should drain so much mana as to kill any normal magus instantly. Also makes me wonder if Saber's at full power or not, but I can wait for the answer to that because of my next point:
Saber is way to free with information. At this point she should barely trust Shiro, thanks to the events of Fate/Zero and his connection to Kiritsugu, and be treating Rin as a flat out enemy. The information about the previous war (especially since having it gives away that she's not a normal servant) is something she should be keeping under wraps. As I recall in the original story, she didn't even let Shirou in on that until Gilgamesh showed up (although their were hints, but Shirou isn't a good enough mage to pick up on them).
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If you become a monster to put down a monster you've still got a monster running around at the end of the day and have as such not really solved the whole monster problem at all.
During the fight with Lancer you've got the line "Luckily, she had jumped back before the invocation and the spear head dodged her heart by inches." Dodged should be missed, unless Saber was trying to bludgeon Gae Bolg with a major organ for some reason.
And in the fight with Berserker:
'Both of Shirou’s servants reacted instantly. Their clothes turned back into what they were wearing previously, and they each got into their preferred positions. Rider jumped back, getting the range she prefered for her weapons while Saber dashed forward and intercepts the giant’s attack. Her invisible weapon meets the slab of rock Berserker is using as a sword and deflects it. The beast doesn’t react, only striking another blow.'
You kinda switch tenses halfway through the paragraph.
You might want to have Rin or someone make a comment about how supporting two, much less four servants should drain so much mana as to kill any normal magus instantly. Also makes me wonder if Saber's at full power or not, but I can wait for the answer to that because of my next point:
Saber is way to free with information. At this point she should barely trust Shiro, thanks to the events of Fate/Zero and his connection to Kiritsugu, and be treating Rin as a flat out enemy. The information about the previous war (especially since having it gives away that she's not a normal servant) is something she should be keeping under wraps. As I recall in the original story, she didn't even let Shirou in on that until Gilgamesh showed up (although their were hints, but Shirou isn't a good enough mage to pick up on them).
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If you become a monster to put down a monster you've still got a monster running around at the end of the day and have as such not really solved the whole monster problem at all.