You know, in the place of the merriment and wonderful prizes? From the snippet I've been writing?
Really, I couldn't resist making that joke. The rest of my alternate-Earth name changes are less silly, I promise!Well, most of them. Half of them, at least. I hope.
Tennie:-I suspect that introducing Scaglietti to 4chan would get the Cradle pointed at us.-Possibly... but without Ellen McLain, would it really be worth doing?
**********
Ding-ding~!
"Welcome to Leizgnott Personal Storage! How can I help you?"
"Oh, a friend of mine left me something. He said it was in... locker 0451?"
"Of course! Right this way!"
As I walked back to my storage locker, I had to stifle a laugh. I suppose that's all technically true... but I've never called myself my own friend before. Still, how else could I explain it? "Yeah, I'm here to pick up the stuff I stored before I lost almost twenty years of age, over a hundred pounds of weight, and a good foot or more of height?" That'd go over like a lead balloon.We stopped in front of a row of wide, flat doors, each one labeled with a number in the pointlessly-ornate Mid script. I grabbed the handle on locker 0451, and thumbed the small button next to it... only for the box to emit a loud electronic blat.
"User not recognized."
Wow. Even the lockboxes have voices... though that one's awfully bland.
The attendant- a fairly plain woman in what looked like her mid-20s- shook her head, and gently removed my hand from the handle. "It doesn't work that way, sir. I need to key you in." She then put her hand on the handle, and pushed the button.
"User recognized. Awaiting command."Okay, I think it's about time I got some sleep. I should've expected that.
She smiled at me, then turned back to the lockbox. "Request alternate user designation. Begin new user testing."
The box let out an accepting ding. "Awaiting new user."
I didn't get around to pressing the button. The instant my hand grasped the handle, the bland electronic voice of the box- or is it the store that has an AI?- spoke. "Beginning verification protocols."
When next the box spoke, it was in my voice. Well, not my voice, but my old voice- the one I used to have, back before I got my new body. I forgot how much I hated that voice. My new one is *so* much better."WHAT... IS YOUR NAME?"
I couldn't help but smile as I replied, in my best Graham Chapman. "I am Arthur, King of the Britons!"
"WHAT... IS YOUR QUEST?"
"I seek the Holy Grail!"
...okay, now which question is it going to pull?
"WHAT... IS THE WORST POSSIBLE WEAPON FOR CLOSE-RANGE COMBAT?"
That one got a chuckle out of me. I quickly suppressed it, and in a monotone voice, gave the answer. "A bomb."
The lock clicked open, and the last of my voice clips played. "Right, in you go!" It was quickly followed by the voice of the system. "New user registered. Welcome. Be advised; before you remove any of the contents of this storage device, you must pay your outstanding storage fees. Currently, you owe... two hundred and twenty-one credits. Fees may be paid at the front desk.
Thank you for using Leizgnott Personal Storage."
I hate you, past me.
My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.
I've been writing a bit.
Really, I couldn't resist making that joke. The rest of my alternate-Earth name changes are less silly, I promise!Well, most of them. Half of them, at least. I hope.
Tennie:-I suspect that introducing Scaglietti to 4chan would get the Cradle pointed at us.-Possibly... but without Ellen McLain, would it really be worth doing?
**********
Ding-ding~!
"Welcome to Leizgnott Personal Storage! How can I help you?"
"Oh, a friend of mine left me something. He said it was in... locker 0451?"
"Of course! Right this way!"
As I walked back to my storage locker, I had to stifle a laugh. I suppose that's all technically true... but I've never called myself my own friend before. Still, how else could I explain it? "Yeah, I'm here to pick up the stuff I stored before I lost almost twenty years of age, over a hundred pounds of weight, and a good foot or more of height?" That'd go over like a lead balloon.We stopped in front of a row of wide, flat doors, each one labeled with a number in the pointlessly-ornate Mid script. I grabbed the handle on locker 0451, and thumbed the small button next to it... only for the box to emit a loud electronic blat.
"User not recognized."
Wow. Even the lockboxes have voices... though that one's awfully bland.
The attendant- a fairly plain woman in what looked like her mid-20s- shook her head, and gently removed my hand from the handle. "It doesn't work that way, sir. I need to key you in." She then put her hand on the handle, and pushed the button.
"User recognized. Awaiting command."Okay, I think it's about time I got some sleep. I should've expected that.
She smiled at me, then turned back to the lockbox. "Request alternate user designation. Begin new user testing."
The box let out an accepting ding. "Awaiting new user."
I didn't get around to pressing the button. The instant my hand grasped the handle, the bland electronic voice of the box- or is it the store that has an AI?- spoke. "Beginning verification protocols."
When next the box spoke, it was in my voice. Well, not my voice, but my old voice- the one I used to have, back before I got my new body. I forgot how much I hated that voice. My new one is *so* much better."WHAT... IS YOUR NAME?"
I couldn't help but smile as I replied, in my best Graham Chapman. "I am Arthur, King of the Britons!"
"WHAT... IS YOUR QUEST?"
"I seek the Holy Grail!"
...okay, now which question is it going to pull?
"WHAT... IS THE WORST POSSIBLE WEAPON FOR CLOSE-RANGE COMBAT?"
That one got a chuckle out of me. I quickly suppressed it, and in a monotone voice, gave the answer. "A bomb."
The lock clicked open, and the last of my voice clips played. "Right, in you go!" It was quickly followed by the voice of the system. "New user registered. Welcome. Be advised; before you remove any of the contents of this storage device, you must pay your outstanding storage fees. Currently, you owe... two hundred and twenty-one credits. Fees may be paid at the front desk.
Thank you for using Leizgnott Personal Storage."
I hate you, past me.
My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.
I've been writing a bit.