Quote:Bluemage wrote:Ahhhhhhh. Now this is the sort of commentary I've been sorely itching for. Getting the tips about spelling and grammar errors are great, but even better is the in-depth commentary about the story itself, even if it's only a long winded way of saying "I like it."
Ouch. Dangerous situation you're in, there. I'm just waiting for somebody to wander into the whole situation, catch wind of what little Yuki is doing, and go "Dude, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" I do like the way you're writing her- agitating for something that she doesn't entirely understand. It's got the (rather loud) ring of truth to it.
Anyhow... Yeah, it's kinda the situation that I wanted to convey - I want the reader to honestly feel squeamish on Garrick's behalf. It also helps that I've known a couple of girls like her. The whole thing with an underage girl crushing on me was no joke. She was a wonderful kid - gauran-damn-teed to get a laugh out of you with her utterly outrageous sense of humor and Broadway Diva Schtick - but she was also insanely mature for her age. She'd often look at other kids with this 'You just don't get it, do you?' expression. She was every bit as frustrated as Yuki in that she wanted it to be more than just some infatuation, but was constantly being fended off.
What she didn't have was an alien space princess her 'age' promising her that if she waits a bit she can have it all and then some.
Quote:Bluemage wrote:Part of the solution for this is that he'll pair her off with Sasami and Ayeka when he can't be around. Granted, they are trouble magnets (Ayeka especially for getting kidnapped and held hostage no less than three times in the manga), but they're also able to recognize when they would be in too deep and pull Yuki back going "Ohhhh-no-no-no-no-no-nuuuuuh. He is not on your encounter table!"
Also, training the girl up? Doubly dangerous. On the one hand,
she'll eventually be able to take care of herself. On the other, you're
going to be dealing with bouts of 'I'm good enough for this!', the
more-scrupulous enemies out there will class her as a fighter (instead
of the potential hostage/noncombatant she was), and you're exposing her
(heh) to more muscle and sweat time. Not the best way to drive her off,
or keep her at arm's length, that last one.
As for the last bit? Garrick's simply resigned himself to his fate. He knows he's in Tenchi-verse, where lead-male characters tend to spontaneously develop harems... And Garrick's situation is far too serious for the universe to slap him with the comic relief/sidekick label. So far, he's got the Honest Girl and the Lolita.
You guys are gonna freak out when you see who I set him up with later on down the line. Roles to fill will be (in no particular order) The Tsundere, The Carefree, The Abomination, The Scrapper, The Soulmate, The Princess, The Wyrd, The Soldier, The Twins, and The Effin' Scary One. List is subject to change.
