Oh, I'd love to, Bob! Let me know when you want to have it up. I'll post it here on the commentary thread and shoot you a copy via email.
Rajvik, just so you know I'm still hammering out the plot. As Rob suggested, it's a lot to keep track of, and it's made somewhat trickier by the narrow view we have - Zeke's perspective is the only one I'm telling the story from. This way, if something blindsides him, the reader probably will be, too, unless they're being sharper than Zeke is.
Found it back in the original nanoStep thread. Quoted here for posterity. Special thanks to everyone that contributed.
Also, you added that it was 'too big' for a nano. Well, we'll see with the rewrite...
Rajvik, just so you know I'm still hammering out the plot. As Rob suggested, it's a lot to keep track of, and it's made somewhat trickier by the narrow view we have - Zeke's perspective is the only one I'm telling the story from. This way, if something blindsides him, the reader probably will be, too, unless they're being sharper than Zeke is.
Found it back in the original nanoStep thread. Quoted here for posterity. Special thanks to everyone that contributed.
Quote:Date Unknown, Time Unknown...
Previous experience has taught me that as long as I sense no immediate danger then it's safe to take my time with this part. I've never been all that much of a morning person, after all, especially after a bad landing. However, nothing felt out of place - no soreness, no nothing. In fact, this place even felt... oddly familiar.
I opened my eyes and took note of my surroundings. The room was typically Japanese, but that meant little. What truly drew my attention were the people in the room.
There was the girls. A platinum blonde with gray eyes wearing what looked like an officer's duty-khakis; a girl in a tiger-stripe bikini and matching knee-high boots, green hair and little yellow horns; a girl with short brown hair, green eyes behind large, wire-rim glasses, and with two kodachi in her belt that clashed with her normal street clothes; another girl skin darker than the boy's wearing jean shorty-shorts and a strapless twist-top; a girl in black that exuded an absolutely poisonous atmosphere; another platinum blonde with a somewhat blank stare and odd devices covering her ears; .... and most shockingly, someone else I knew: a girl in a dark-colored sailor-uniform with long black hair.
"Rei? Is that you? Who are all these people?"
"Well, that settles it then. He's gotta be a slider if he knows your name." I looked to the new voice. It belonged to a boy it unruly black hair and the most unusual black marks under his eyes. "I apologize if your being here wasn't planned. Raven has a nasty tendency to throw me curve balls to deal with."
I smiled ruefully. "Thanks, kid, but I'm a screwball."
The kid grinned back. "Hah! Then I guess that makes me the floater that was disguised as a fastball." He then offer me his right hand, saying, "Ezekiel Darkwood, Avatar, 2nd Class, Unlimited. Friends just call me Zeke or Zii-kun."
"Raven, huh? Met the guy once. Great to hang with, but never let him arrange your social calendar."
"Ain't that the ever lovin' truth, brother."
Also, you added that it was 'too big' for a nano. Well, we'll see with the rewrite...