I do try to deliver humor when appropriate. Or, failing that, whenever possible.
This next bit is actually leading into one of the major divergences I made in the SV version. I've replaced the whole 'awareness training' bit from the DW version with new scenes, which lead into the scenes that will be posted after this.
Mind if I repost the rewrites, for context and critique?
**********
Acous stood back up, the slobber fading away to nothing, and pointed into the base. "Go!" The dogs obeyed, running as far as the wall, putting their noses down to the ground, and beginning to sniff. A moment later, one came over to me, craning its nose up; I reached a hand out, and the construct seemed to sniff it for a bit.
Then it straightened its back, lifting one foreleg and its tail in a classic pointer stance. I got the feeling, from the way its muzzle was vibrating, that it'd be barking if it could.
It was all I could do not to freeze up on the spot. ...keep it cool. There are other explanations for this. He might not have figured it out yet. Instead of panicking, I forced a note of confusion into my voice. "What's all this about, Inspector? What's he doing?"
The inspector wasn't really listening to me. Instead, he had the faraway look I'd come to associate with mages receiving information. After a moment, the look passed. He blinked, assessed the situation with suddenly-sharp eyes, and then did the last thing I'd expected him to do.
Acous laughed, and called his dog back to his side.
"Sorry about that, John- may I call you John?" He didn't wait for an answer, instead continuing to talk. "Your magical signature is in the air, and Bentley here," he said, rubbing the construct's head, "picked that up. I didn't notice right off, because Opel," he continued, waving one hand towards the ruins, "had just gotten her first good sniff at one of the craters."
I winced. Okay, so maybe I used a bit too much power there. "Ridiculous, aren't they?"
That got me a nod. "Indeed. Anyway, Opel picked up another signature on the craters in there. It matches yours-"
-I most pointedly did not tense up, remaining as relaxed as I'd been since he brought up the second signature-
"-about as much as any mage off the street would." Acous shot me a disarming smile. "Which means you've done me, the task force, and the entire TSAB quite a service. I've already arranged for the standard reward to be deposited into your account for that."Perfect. Exactly what I'd hoped, even if it were a bit touch-and-go here and there.
I smiled. "Thanks much, Inspector. That'll come in handy." Best not seem too helpful. "Well, it's been a pleasure, but I really need to move on. I'll let you know if I run into anything else illegal, okay?"
"Yeah, sure." Acous gave me a distracted nod, visibly focused on what his dogs were investigating. "I'll be at this for a while. You can go on about your life." He concentrated, and a third dog began to coalesce... before dispersing into a cloud of mana and fading away. "....never can quite get that right. Thanks for the help."
I just said my goodbyes, and transferred out. Three worlds away, I stopped for a bit, and smiled.
...wow. That just advanced me so many steps on so many plans, it's not even funny. Now, to the lab!Two more transfers later, a thought hit me. Sein's not going to like this.
My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.
I've been writing a bit.
This next bit is actually leading into one of the major divergences I made in the SV version. I've replaced the whole 'awareness training' bit from the DW version with new scenes, which lead into the scenes that will be posted after this.
Mind if I repost the rewrites, for context and critique?
**********
Acous stood back up, the slobber fading away to nothing, and pointed into the base. "Go!" The dogs obeyed, running as far as the wall, putting their noses down to the ground, and beginning to sniff. A moment later, one came over to me, craning its nose up; I reached a hand out, and the construct seemed to sniff it for a bit.
Then it straightened its back, lifting one foreleg and its tail in a classic pointer stance. I got the feeling, from the way its muzzle was vibrating, that it'd be barking if it could.
It was all I could do not to freeze up on the spot. ...keep it cool. There are other explanations for this. He might not have figured it out yet. Instead of panicking, I forced a note of confusion into my voice. "What's all this about, Inspector? What's he doing?"
The inspector wasn't really listening to me. Instead, he had the faraway look I'd come to associate with mages receiving information. After a moment, the look passed. He blinked, assessed the situation with suddenly-sharp eyes, and then did the last thing I'd expected him to do.
Acous laughed, and called his dog back to his side.
"Sorry about that, John- may I call you John?" He didn't wait for an answer, instead continuing to talk. "Your magical signature is in the air, and Bentley here," he said, rubbing the construct's head, "picked that up. I didn't notice right off, because Opel," he continued, waving one hand towards the ruins, "had just gotten her first good sniff at one of the craters."
I winced. Okay, so maybe I used a bit too much power there. "Ridiculous, aren't they?"
That got me a nod. "Indeed. Anyway, Opel picked up another signature on the craters in there. It matches yours-"
-I most pointedly did not tense up, remaining as relaxed as I'd been since he brought up the second signature-
"-about as much as any mage off the street would." Acous shot me a disarming smile. "Which means you've done me, the task force, and the entire TSAB quite a service. I've already arranged for the standard reward to be deposited into your account for that."Perfect. Exactly what I'd hoped, even if it were a bit touch-and-go here and there.
I smiled. "Thanks much, Inspector. That'll come in handy." Best not seem too helpful. "Well, it's been a pleasure, but I really need to move on. I'll let you know if I run into anything else illegal, okay?"
"Yeah, sure." Acous gave me a distracted nod, visibly focused on what his dogs were investigating. "I'll be at this for a while. You can go on about your life." He concentrated, and a third dog began to coalesce... before dispersing into a cloud of mana and fading away. "....never can quite get that right. Thanks for the help."
I just said my goodbyes, and transferred out. Three worlds away, I stopped for a bit, and smiled.
...wow. That just advanced me so many steps on so many plans, it's not even funny. Now, to the lab!Two more transfers later, a thought hit me. Sein's not going to like this.
My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Atom Bomb of Courteous Debate. Get yours.
I've been writing a bit.