OKay as bitch-lists go, it isn't bad. I will comment on one. I will be availing myself of harsh language, reader discretion is advised.
Glaive-Guisarme: One of the odd things about pole weapons (historically, not in D&D land) is that they tend to be very situation specific. Some are
only useful in a particular formation or defensive/offensive situation. If you think the ones in the D&D books are odd, there are historical ones that are
even more funky. My personal fave is the big spiked lever designed specifically for knocking knights off of horses and then popping their helmets off (With or
without the heads remaining in them.)
So on the my list of top few D&D bitches.
One:
Magic readily available in shops: Magic as technology makes it considerably less fantastic as a game element. "fuck it, I need a wand, some bracers and
a potion of raging munchkin twat control, best nip down to the shops before they close" "Oooh ducks, while your out could you get me a dozen healing
potions and a fire branded dagger of Edward the Seconding."
Two:
Class power creep: More rule mechanic than world mechanic, an endles stream of new books and expansion kits that are to game balancing what greased tightropes
and a floor covered in dung smeared spikes are to the Flying Wallendas. "See" The arse-faced supplicant whines, it is a Wizards of the Coast Book
"This prestige class has the triple critical threat dual wield feat at first level. Why can't I take it?" You'll take it all right my son.
Out back, with no witnesses.
Three:
Gnomes: I have hated the gormless little fucks since they first waddled their arses onto the scene. Unfortunately the new races in third edition almost have
me feeling nostalgic for the useless buggers. No... No. Still hate them. You want to play one, you can stand outside in my garden; and I will throw oranges
at you for the entire session.
Four:
Uber-Angst-Races: "Oh, the demon portion of the soul makes it such a conflict; for me to remain good is against my nature and every day I must struggle
against it."
I would answer this, as it should be answered, with "I hope you die painfully you demonic Emo fuck." But that would likely just produced acidic
demon tears and comments about life being unfair because even roses have thorns.
The sort of problem that really should be dealt with by holding the players head in the toilet bowl and flushing repeatedly until the bubbles stop. Not
that there haven't been angsty emo characters before, but prior rule sets didn't actively encourage the trend.
Five:
Shield defence: They are far more effective than the rules make them out to be. I know picking at the scabs for any combat system is probably not worth the
bitching, but I need to pad this list, so I'm throwing it in.
Six:
Various Parts of Vecna. "Oooh I found Vecna's rectum, left testicle, and taint; I am uber-powerful now." No, I don't want to hear the Head
of Vecna story again. I hereby present you with the upraised middle finger of the critic. It is not all powerful, but supreme in its disdain for assorted
necromantic chunkies.
Seven:
Holy Sword. Holy sword? Isn't that like a wiffle bat? And isn't Holy Avenger John Steed after being perforated with enough bullets to fill the
Albert Hall. Weapons favored by your particular god - no problem - but they should come in all shapes and sizes from the golden Sickle of Getafix to the
Crushing baby-maker of Osiris (provided you use the version of the myth that does not have his severed wedding tackle eaten by a fish.)
Eight:
Player tech twattery: Any time a player (or GM) uses a combination of magic and items to replicate a modern convenience that is resoundingly at odds with the
setting. (The magic mouth I-pod, flashlight, etc.)
That's all I've got right now.
Shayne
Glaive-Guisarme: One of the odd things about pole weapons (historically, not in D&D land) is that they tend to be very situation specific. Some are
only useful in a particular formation or defensive/offensive situation. If you think the ones in the D&D books are odd, there are historical ones that are
even more funky. My personal fave is the big spiked lever designed specifically for knocking knights off of horses and then popping their helmets off (With or
without the heads remaining in them.)
So on the my list of top few D&D bitches.
One:
Magic readily available in shops: Magic as technology makes it considerably less fantastic as a game element. "fuck it, I need a wand, some bracers and
a potion of raging munchkin twat control, best nip down to the shops before they close" "Oooh ducks, while your out could you get me a dozen healing
potions and a fire branded dagger of Edward the Seconding."
Two:
Class power creep: More rule mechanic than world mechanic, an endles stream of new books and expansion kits that are to game balancing what greased tightropes
and a floor covered in dung smeared spikes are to the Flying Wallendas. "See" The arse-faced supplicant whines, it is a Wizards of the Coast Book
"This prestige class has the triple critical threat dual wield feat at first level. Why can't I take it?" You'll take it all right my son.
Out back, with no witnesses.
Three:
Gnomes: I have hated the gormless little fucks since they first waddled their arses onto the scene. Unfortunately the new races in third edition almost have
me feeling nostalgic for the useless buggers. No... No. Still hate them. You want to play one, you can stand outside in my garden; and I will throw oranges
at you for the entire session.
Four:
Uber-Angst-Races: "Oh, the demon portion of the soul makes it such a conflict; for me to remain good is against my nature and every day I must struggle
against it."
I would answer this, as it should be answered, with "I hope you die painfully you demonic Emo fuck." But that would likely just produced acidic
demon tears and comments about life being unfair because even roses have thorns.
The sort of problem that really should be dealt with by holding the players head in the toilet bowl and flushing repeatedly until the bubbles stop. Not
that there haven't been angsty emo characters before, but prior rule sets didn't actively encourage the trend.
Five:
Shield defence: They are far more effective than the rules make them out to be. I know picking at the scabs for any combat system is probably not worth the
bitching, but I need to pad this list, so I'm throwing it in.
Six:
Various Parts of Vecna. "Oooh I found Vecna's rectum, left testicle, and taint; I am uber-powerful now." No, I don't want to hear the Head
of Vecna story again. I hereby present you with the upraised middle finger of the critic. It is not all powerful, but supreme in its disdain for assorted
necromantic chunkies.
Seven:
Holy Sword. Holy sword? Isn't that like a wiffle bat? And isn't Holy Avenger John Steed after being perforated with enough bullets to fill the
Albert Hall. Weapons favored by your particular god - no problem - but they should come in all shapes and sizes from the golden Sickle of Getafix to the
Crushing baby-maker of Osiris (provided you use the version of the myth that does not have his severed wedding tackle eaten by a fish.)
Eight:
Player tech twattery: Any time a player (or GM) uses a combination of magic and items to replicate a modern convenience that is resoundingly at odds with the
setting. (The magic mouth I-pod, flashlight, etc.)
That's all I've got right now.
Shayne