This Week on Top Gear - The
Mako on the test track!
From the "Weird yet strangely appropriate cross-reference" department of
my brain and
this post and comments over here.
"Are you kidding? The Mako is the ultimate
Clarksonian vehicle. It's huge and powerful and almost completely
uncontrollable, and can be power-slid without even really meaning to.
I can totally see Wrex in the drivers seat yelling
"POWEEEER!" At the top of his lungs like Jeremy Clarkson, then again -
"Still, I dunno - I guess that would depend
on whether they watched Top Gear on the Normandy. And
I'm not sure I'd bet against that. But you're right, it's really more
of a Wrex line as it stands. Hey, we don't actually know which member
of the squad is driving. I always rather liked to think that Tali was
when the action involved crashing the truck into geth Armatures.
"Wait, hang on a second, the gun's
overheated!"
"FORGET the gun - RAMMING SPEED!""
SO could
see Richard Hammond doing an off road driving test in the Mako,
bounding over hill and dale, and then driving right off a cliff and
hitting the booster at JUST the right moment to soften the landing.
HAMMOND: "I AM A DRIVING GOD!!"
^_^
Then
back in the studio, Clarkson says, "Now Richard, I couldn't help but
notice that in the shots of you in the Mako, there was a seat next to
you, and we both know the driver's position is forward-most in the
triangle."
HAMMOND: "Now wait, hang on a min..."
CLARKSON: "WHO would
like to see the alternate angle on the inboard camera to see who was
REALLY driving the Mako off that cliff?"
(Audience roars
approval)
CLARKSON: "Play the tape!"
CUE: Angle on the
interior cockpit of the Mako that shows The Stig in the driver's couch.
With Richard hanging on for dear life in the back.
CUT: Back to
the studio as audience laughs.
CLARKSON: "Right. Now Hamster, who
really drove the Mako off the cliff and landed it perfectly?"
HAMMOND: "Oh
all right. It was The Stig."
CLARKSON: "Right! And with that as
the best possible segue we could get, it's time to take the Mako 'round
our track. Now I know what you're thinking - the Mako is too big. It's
really just a rolligon on sterioids. But look closely. It has headlights
and brakelights, and it has registration plates and even turn
signals! Believe it or not, this is a road legal vehicle! Which
means it CAN go on our track! And who better to give it to then the man
who really IS a driving god...
"Some say that he was
ALSO rebuilt from the ground up by Cerberus, and that he blinks like a
Salarian...
All we know is, he's called The Stig"
Ext.
Day. Test Track. The Mako accelerates away from line.
CLARKSON
(VO) "It's a wet track out there today, so a good test of the
all-terrain drive - and that's actually a surprising lack of wheelspin
on that start, but then it does have the grip of six monster truck sized
tires! Coming down to the first corner now - there's some sway in that
suspension, but the tires are SOLID on the track! Coming up to Chicago
now. This wouldn't be very impressive for a road car, but for what is
essentially a TANK, I'd say it's NOT BAD.
Int. Day. Mako cabin.
THE STIG driving.
/*Joe Satriani
"Surfing with the Alien"*/
CLARKSON
(VO): A bit of power metal for the Stig today, but then he's DRIVING a
bit of POWER METAL!
Ext. Day. Test Track. The Mako LUNGES up to
and around the Hammerhead, as the tires kick up spray from the wet
track.
CLARKSON (VO): To the Hammerhead, this corner should give a
big heavy vehicle like the Mako some problems - but the Mako's not
having any of it! It seems those wheels just WON'T break free unless the
Stig WANTS them to! And Stiggy having no problem keeping it under
control. Down to the follow-through, in a moment, we'll get a much
better idea of the Mako's top speed on level ground -
Ext. Day.
Test Track. The Mako rumbles up to the tires, but the track's not quite
wide enough, and the right tires roll right over the camera, crushing it
and not seeming to slow the Mako down at all, as the POV switches to
another angle.
CLARKSON (VO): OOF! He's rolled right OVER the
tires and destroyed the camera, and it didn't slow the Mako down a bit!
Not that the top speed is anything like a supercar. But then it's not
trying to be!
Int. Day. Mako Cabin: THE STIG, still driving,
entirely unflustered by his encounter with the tires. The song has
reached the bridge.
Ext. Day. Test Track: The Mako approaches the
penultimate corner.
CLARKSON (VO): Two corners left, all he has
to do is keep it under control here. This is shaping up to be a nice
time on the track, all things considered! This is undoubtedly the heaviest
vehicle we've ever put around here, but does it seem
bothered? I think not. Come on, Stiggy, only Gambon left - I've seen
track day cars take that corner with more tilt - and across the line!
POWEEEEER!!!!!
^_^
Mako on the test track!
From the "Weird yet strangely appropriate cross-reference" department of
my brain and
this post and comments over here.
"Are you kidding? The Mako is the ultimate
Clarksonian vehicle. It's huge and powerful and almost completely
uncontrollable, and can be power-slid without even really meaning to.
I can totally see Wrex in the drivers seat yelling
"POWEEEER!" At the top of his lungs like Jeremy Clarkson, then again -
"Still, I dunno - I guess that would depend
on whether they watched Top Gear on the Normandy. And
I'm not sure I'd bet against that. But you're right, it's really more
of a Wrex line as it stands. Hey, we don't actually know which member
of the squad is driving. I always rather liked to think that Tali was
when the action involved crashing the truck into geth Armatures.
"Wait, hang on a second, the gun's
overheated!"
"FORGET the gun - RAMMING SPEED!""
SO could
see Richard Hammond doing an off road driving test in the Mako,
bounding over hill and dale, and then driving right off a cliff and
hitting the booster at JUST the right moment to soften the landing.
HAMMOND: "I AM A DRIVING GOD!!"
^_^
Then
back in the studio, Clarkson says, "Now Richard, I couldn't help but
notice that in the shots of you in the Mako, there was a seat next to
you, and we both know the driver's position is forward-most in the
triangle."
HAMMOND: "Now wait, hang on a min..."
CLARKSON: "WHO would
like to see the alternate angle on the inboard camera to see who was
REALLY driving the Mako off that cliff?"
(Audience roars
approval)
CLARKSON: "Play the tape!"
CUE: Angle on the
interior cockpit of the Mako that shows The Stig in the driver's couch.
With Richard hanging on for dear life in the back.
CUT: Back to
the studio as audience laughs.
CLARKSON: "Right. Now Hamster, who
really drove the Mako off the cliff and landed it perfectly?"
HAMMOND: "Oh
all right. It was The Stig."
CLARKSON: "Right! And with that as
the best possible segue we could get, it's time to take the Mako 'round
our track. Now I know what you're thinking - the Mako is too big. It's
really just a rolligon on sterioids. But look closely. It has headlights
and brakelights, and it has registration plates and even turn
signals! Believe it or not, this is a road legal vehicle! Which
means it CAN go on our track! And who better to give it to then the man
who really IS a driving god...
"Some say that he was
ALSO rebuilt from the ground up by Cerberus, and that he blinks like a
Salarian...
All we know is, he's called The Stig"
Ext.
Day. Test Track. The Mako accelerates away from line.
CLARKSON
(VO) "It's a wet track out there today, so a good test of the
all-terrain drive - and that's actually a surprising lack of wheelspin
on that start, but then it does have the grip of six monster truck sized
tires! Coming down to the first corner now - there's some sway in that
suspension, but the tires are SOLID on the track! Coming up to Chicago
now. This wouldn't be very impressive for a road car, but for what is
essentially a TANK, I'd say it's NOT BAD.
Int. Day. Mako cabin.
THE STIG driving.
/*Joe Satriani
"Surfing with the Alien"*/
CLARKSON
(VO): A bit of power metal for the Stig today, but then he's DRIVING a
bit of POWER METAL!
Ext. Day. Test Track. The Mako LUNGES up to
and around the Hammerhead, as the tires kick up spray from the wet
track.
CLARKSON (VO): To the Hammerhead, this corner should give a
big heavy vehicle like the Mako some problems - but the Mako's not
having any of it! It seems those wheels just WON'T break free unless the
Stig WANTS them to! And Stiggy having no problem keeping it under
control. Down to the follow-through, in a moment, we'll get a much
better idea of the Mako's top speed on level ground -
Ext. Day.
Test Track. The Mako rumbles up to the tires, but the track's not quite
wide enough, and the right tires roll right over the camera, crushing it
and not seeming to slow the Mako down at all, as the POV switches to
another angle.
CLARKSON (VO): OOF! He's rolled right OVER the
tires and destroyed the camera, and it didn't slow the Mako down a bit!
Not that the top speed is anything like a supercar. But then it's not
trying to be!
Int. Day. Mako Cabin: THE STIG, still driving,
entirely unflustered by his encounter with the tires. The song has
reached the bridge.
Ext. Day. Test Track: The Mako approaches the
penultimate corner.
CLARKSON (VO): Two corners left, all he has
to do is keep it under control here. This is shaping up to be a nice
time on the track, all things considered! This is undoubtedly the heaviest
vehicle we've ever put around here, but does it seem
bothered? I think not. Come on, Stiggy, only Gambon left - I've seen
track day cars take that corner with more tilt - and across the line!
POWEEEEER!!!!!
^_^