It pales by comparison with some of the glorious wickedness described in the above posts, but my eldest niece has a birthday tomorrow (her twenty-fifth), and the card I sent her has a cover picture of a mama and baby polar bear snuggling. So I filled the inside with "bear" puns, starting with "Happy Bearthday!" and signed it as "Mean Uncle David H. Bear." It was, as I admitted in the card, "unBirrable" of me (I can't claim credit for that one; one of my Army buddies invented it as a nickname for me in the early '90s).
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Big Brother is watching you. And damn, you are so bloody BORING.
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Big Brother is watching you. And damn, you are so bloody BORING.