I'll preface this with a disclaimer - I'm not really in any position to give an opinion. I'm 29, and I've had maybe two serious relationships in my life. So this is not any sort of analysis or advice, just observations of what jumped out at me.
I do agree that your...former?...fiancee let you down. I can't speak for her finances and job obligations, but surely if she knew you were coming to town, with three months of lead time...well.That doesn't seem to make sense. Surely there's such a thing as time off work.
And you basically being locked out in an unfamiliar city is horrifying. That's just...I mean, seriously, what? I actually didn't catch the fact that you use a wheelchair until the second time I read the post - so that's just an extra helping of what on top of that.
It sounds like your lady friend has poor judgement and priorities. You already know that, of course. But with most of your contact being online, well, that was never so time-intensive. What I mean is, when she interacted with you, it'd have been on her own terms, and obviously it'd have involved a lot less time on her part out of a given day. Even a long phone call or video chat is still something scheduled, demarcated, earmarked.
But some people are terrible at being able to allocate time to other people on a day-to-day basis. That's different. It's possible for a certain kind of individual to be so caught up in their own crap that they don't really stop to think - at all - about other people. And I can even understand that, because that's basically my big problem in a relationship. Of course, I'm fully aware I'm a self-centred insular introvert, so I actively try to address that. Precisely because it's caused problems for me, and I know it's a major character flaw of mine.
The lady in question, though...well. It doesn't seem she realises anything is wrong. Unless she at least realises something's wrong, then there's no way forward.
I dunno if that helps or not, it's just a random observation from a random Internet stranger. You have my sympathies. I've sort of been where you are - from both the giving end (being a horrible SO) and receiving end (getting cold-shouldered). In that chronological order, I should clarify. Both sides of that same treatment - but well-deserved karma, in my case. In yours, well...I don't know what I could type here that wouldn't sound trite.
I hope you feel better. Not soon. It won't be soon. But eventually.
-- Acyl
I do agree that your...former?...fiancee let you down. I can't speak for her finances and job obligations, but surely if she knew you were coming to town, with three months of lead time...well.That doesn't seem to make sense. Surely there's such a thing as time off work.
And you basically being locked out in an unfamiliar city is horrifying. That's just...I mean, seriously, what? I actually didn't catch the fact that you use a wheelchair until the second time I read the post - so that's just an extra helping of what on top of that.
It sounds like your lady friend has poor judgement and priorities. You already know that, of course. But with most of your contact being online, well, that was never so time-intensive. What I mean is, when she interacted with you, it'd have been on her own terms, and obviously it'd have involved a lot less time on her part out of a given day. Even a long phone call or video chat is still something scheduled, demarcated, earmarked.
But some people are terrible at being able to allocate time to other people on a day-to-day basis. That's different. It's possible for a certain kind of individual to be so caught up in their own crap that they don't really stop to think - at all - about other people. And I can even understand that, because that's basically my big problem in a relationship. Of course, I'm fully aware I'm a self-centred insular introvert, so I actively try to address that. Precisely because it's caused problems for me, and I know it's a major character flaw of mine.
The lady in question, though...well. It doesn't seem she realises anything is wrong. Unless she at least realises something's wrong, then there's no way forward.
I dunno if that helps or not, it's just a random observation from a random Internet stranger. You have my sympathies. I've sort of been where you are - from both the giving end (being a horrible SO) and receiving end (getting cold-shouldered). In that chronological order, I should clarify. Both sides of that same treatment - but well-deserved karma, in my case. In yours, well...I don't know what I could type here that wouldn't sound trite.
I hope you feel better. Not soon. It won't be soon. But eventually.
-- Acyl