Remarkable how well all responders have accurately pegged her reactions to the situation given that I tried not to spend too much time going into endless detail. A couple of Clarifications:
She has not replied to my last response in any shape or form. I strenuously object her characterisation of my portrayal as 'how it appeared to me' because I am stating the facts of her actions which are not in question as inappropriate - not guessing why she did it or her motivations. I've pointed this out to her repeatedly only to be told 'that's your opinion'.
Wow, this kinda ballooned. My apologies again and thanks for all the responses. It reinforces that I'm not imagining things or have unreasonable expectations from a person in her position/generation etc.- as she claimed...
- I didn't cut off communications until a month after I came back from the trip. I tried to desperately salvage the situation rather than - as has been said 'cut off communication unceremoniously' - but she just said 'she hadn't done anything'. This is her last message - the one that prompted me to say, in response, there was no point in discussing things via email anymore:
Quote:While I understand your point of view and I get talking to people affirms what you have decided to believe- I take that with a grain of salt because you portray it how it appeared to you. There are three sides to any story- your side, my side- and then there is the truth which lies between the two.
While I may have behaved inappropriately, I do not hate you. Really. In many ways I am still not quite ready for things, it seems. I am not excusing my behavior. It was not as considerate as it should have been. I am not dismissing anything I have done and I am not saying to simply move on. This is all you choosing to take that out of what was said when it never was. I will not continue to attempt to correct it as it doesn't seem to matter what I think.
This conversation has been nothing but the same thing over and over again. There has been no progress but two sides of an argument that do not budge on their stance.
I am for solutions. currently I am at a loss for one. I do not know your standpoint. I would be interested to know what you might suggest. But nothing positive is coming of this because we both believe with certainty that we are correct- regardless of how adamant you are to tell me that I am wrong to believe what I do. That is my choice, not yours. Just as it is your own to choose what you believe. I will not deny you that.
The fact that I bother to respond at all should say something.
She has not replied to my last response in any shape or form. I strenuously object her characterisation of my portrayal as 'how it appeared to me' because I am stating the facts of her actions which are not in question as inappropriate - not guessing why she did it or her motivations. I've pointed this out to her repeatedly only to be told 'that's your opinion'.
- The comments about online communication being completely under her control and/or simultaneous with her real-life activities - as opposed to how she felt my presence being intrusive in real life is spot on.
One comment she made (paraphrased) which spurred my decision to leave (as the last thing I wanted to do was cause her harm) was:Quote:I can't take the stress - freaking me out - I can't sleep, I can't eat, my body is reacting like there's an intruder in my space. It's killing me - because emotionally and mentally I want desperately to hold you and be held by you, but I can't physically bring myself to do it. I thought, hoped and dreamed that my feelings would override my normal feelings around people but I can't
This and other comments she made mirror many of the discussion points made.
- Yes, her time management and follow through was terrible. Or rather, her forward planning is great - but that's all she seems to do! She was so busy trying to make sure she had a fall back position if things didn't work out - she had no time to actually spare on actually devoting time to successfully completing the current situation!
- She honestly didn't seem to see anything wrong with sort of shoe-horning me around her regularly scheduled life. I felt like her absolute last priority. Jobs, friends/co-workers and regular schedule came first - I got whatever was left - which usually meant arguing about the way she was handling things when we should have been asleep or she needed to go to work (then blaming me for her bosses being upset with her). Any suggestion that under the circumstances her regular schedule needed to be put on hold caused an argument.
But like Ankhani suggested - she kept saying things like (paraphrased):
Quote:I'm not doing anything wrong! I cut back my hours - I'm only working at my part time job twice a week and on weekends - I didn't have any choice about working the holiday because it's retail - and I promised to spend time with my boss - you're judging based on such a short space of time, you've barely been here a week! My day job will give me three days off next week and another three days off around Christmas, I had to pull a lot of strings to get time off the weekend (the day after) you arrived - why are you being so demanding? Stop being dramatic!
- BlackAeronaut - Yes, she said that she was frustrated at not being able to be 'spontaneous' with me around. Of course she still did things like:
- Leave the house at 11pm on Thanksgiving eve (my sixth night) to 'help her boss' (after arguing with me for 4 hours first and refusing to eat a meal with me - because she claimed it was unfair I was upset - even though I said 'if you promised, you have to go, go' from the start')
- Then come home at 3pm on thanksgiving, go to bed, get up at 6pm (argue with me that I was being unreasonable) and leave at 9pm (to avoid the Black Friday traffic issues) as she had the 12am to 6am and 9am to 12pm shifts at her retail 'part time' job...
- Note that, originally I thought we would have Thanksgiving and Friday to ourselves along with weekends, because she was supposed to leave that job...
- On Black Friday itself she came home at 3pm (after sleeping over her co-workers house) and went to bed. She refused to go out to dinner (as there was no food in the apartment) three hours later.
- Yet when I came back two hours later, she was up and planning to go sleep at her co-workers house to be able to work that saturday as the shopping center had a 'no staff parking' rule in force that day... and we had an argument about how I had no right to be upset that she had no problem with going to spend time with her friends but didn't want to eat dinner with me...
- Yes, I also suggested ditching the car, sorry Jeep, to remove an expense she couldn't maintain - but she insisted she needed it to get between jobs. As it was a Jeep, I couldn't get into it unassisted so she wouldn't take me to meet her friends or on any of her errands either...
- As for brown nosing - yeah, her bosses abused the hell out of her as far as I could see. All her 'time-off ' was unpaid then they expected her to work late to make up for it. When I was complaining about her behaviour as opposed to what she told me, which as you can see didn't match her actions at all (and suggesting she needed to quit her jobs) then she would turn around and tell me I was twisting her words and accused me of issuing ultimatums etc. She couldn't understand why I paid attention to her behaviour - and not what she kept telling me i.e. that she was trying so hard and I was unappreciative.
Wow, this kinda ballooned. My apologies again and thanks for all the responses. It reinforces that I'm not imagining things or have unreasonable expectations from a person in her position/generation etc.- as she claimed...