*Goes and takes a look* Yeah, it is better, but I wouldn't have minded if they took a few minor liberties with the narrative to make things flow better. Here's a bit quoted from the Baka-Tsuki translation:
EDIT: This is how I would have written it out.
Honestly, I would love to do this sort of work for Baka-Tsuki, but there are two concerns of mine:1) This would probably severely cut into my writing time for BYiS... and to say nothing of rebooting DSKS...2) In its own way it'd probably be a hassle for the folks at Baka-Tsuki since they'd probably have to QA my edits to make sure they maintain the spirit of the translation.
Quote:Henrietta and Maryele's conversation made Naotsugu flinch.I haven't altered any of the line breaks at all. Kinda jarring, I think.
"What is it, Naotsugu?"
"Nothing, just that this is so sudden, I'm not sure what to do."
Naotsugu denied in a hurry when he heard Shiroe's question. He was always making dirty jokes but seemed so weak to direct attacks.
"Is Naotsugu-yan weak against breasts? Want to touch?"
Naotsugu averted his eyes at Maryele's words, although he still took a peek. Breasts held the hopes and desires of men after all.
(Mary-nee is a beauty with a big bust after all, I can understand.)
Shiroe agreed in his heart.
EDIT: This is how I would have written it out.
Quote:Naotsugu flinched at Henrietta and Mayele's conversation.Ahhh. So much better. Granted, I'm pretty sure there's subtle nuances that didn't make it through from the original Japanese version. Kanji is notorious for its homonyms . (This how we get the joke in Tenchi Muyo GXP when Seiryou names the flagship of the Lucky Pirate Fleet 'Unko'. The kanji Seiryou is using is the rarely used one that basicly translates to 'Great Fortune'. Unfortunately, there is a different kanji that is much more commonly used for 'unko' that translates roughly into 'poop'. Therefore, you have everyone's WTF when Seiryou proclaims the ships name to any and all within transmission range.)
"What is it, Naotsugu?" asked Shiroe.
"Nothing," the tank replied in denial. "Just that this is so sudden. I'm not sure what to do." It only stood to reason: Naotsugu was always cracking dirty jokes. However, when confronted directly with the subject matter it turns out he's weak against such attacks.
"Is Naotsugu-yan weak against breasts?" asked Maryele coyly, picking up on his weakness like a shark scenting blood in the water. "Want to touch?"
Naotsugu looked away, but not before he got a good look. After all, being offered such a temptation is the hopes and dreams of all men.
Mary-nee is a beauty with a big bust, afterall, Shiroe thought to himself. I can certainly understand how he feels.
Honestly, I would love to do this sort of work for Baka-Tsuki, but there are two concerns of mine:1) This would probably severely cut into my writing time for BYiS... and to say nothing of rebooting DSKS...2) In its own way it'd probably be a hassle for the folks at Baka-Tsuki since they'd probably have to QA my edits to make sure they maintain the spirit of the translation.