You Might be a Redneck If ... (January edition)
... you always take a penny but never leave one.... you think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.... your four-year-old grandson has ever said, "Mommy won't let me light the fireworks with grandpa's cigarettes anymore."... guests change their mind about needing to use your bathroom once they see it.... you think the stock market has a fence around it.... your boat has neft the driveway in fifteen years.... you think an instant message involves your middle finger.... you burn your yard rather than mow it.... the Salvation Army declines your mattress.... something hisses at you every time you peer into your crawl space.... you were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.... you never need a menu at Dairy Queen.... you have a script next to the phone for the kids to read to debt collectors.... you clean your fingernails with a stick.... your family business had to close down because the police found out about it.... there are more than five McDonald's bags in your car.... you've ever financed a tattoo.... you've ever passed a lit cigarette between moving vehicles.... no one outside of your family can understand a word your grandpappy says.... you are one armadillo away from a new pair of boots.... you've ever stolen toilet paper.... you've ever drunk box wine from a Pringles can.... you move your trailer fifty feet so you can use your neighbor's Wi-Fi.... you remember exactly where you were when you heard Hostess had gone bankrupt.... people hear your car a long time before they see it....you've never owned a vehical with working windshield wipers.
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"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin
... you always take a penny but never leave one.... you think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.... your four-year-old grandson has ever said, "Mommy won't let me light the fireworks with grandpa's cigarettes anymore."... guests change their mind about needing to use your bathroom once they see it.... you think the stock market has a fence around it.... your boat has neft the driveway in fifteen years.... you think an instant message involves your middle finger.... you burn your yard rather than mow it.... the Salvation Army declines your mattress.... something hisses at you every time you peer into your crawl space.... you were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.... you never need a menu at Dairy Queen.... you have a script next to the phone for the kids to read to debt collectors.... you clean your fingernails with a stick.... your family business had to close down because the police found out about it.... there are more than five McDonald's bags in your car.... you've ever financed a tattoo.... you've ever passed a lit cigarette between moving vehicles.... no one outside of your family can understand a word your grandpappy says.... you are one armadillo away from a new pair of boots.... you've ever stolen toilet paper.... you've ever drunk box wine from a Pringles can.... you move your trailer fifty feet so you can use your neighbor's Wi-Fi.... you remember exactly where you were when you heard Hostess had gone bankrupt.... people hear your car a long time before they see it....you've never owned a vehical with working windshield wipers.
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"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin