You Might be a Redneck If ... (march edition)
... someone hits your parked car and you don't care.... you use your bath chair for company.... your wife fur coat is her regular coat inside out.... the tabacco chewers in your family aren't just men.... you hit on your marriage counselor.... you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.... the cleanest your yard ever gets is after a flood.... your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.... your wife's "indoor voice" can be heard a block away.... your 80-gallon trash can doubles as a table.... taking your wife for a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.... there's always dog drool and Cheetos dust on your sofa.... your child's first words were "Attention K-Mart shoppers."... the emissions technician starts laughing as you pull up.... there are half a dozen "no Hunting" signs stuffed into your truck.... you bring your dog to work with you.... you buy your wife tube socks at the flea market.... you wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.... you name your twin sons Copen and Hagen.... you've ever shown a picture of Dog, The Bounty Hunter to your hair stylist.... you have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.... your dogs follow you into the restroom.... you made your first slingshot from your grandma's bra.... you consider orange peels left on the coffee table potpourri.... you grow flowers in the old commode in your front yard.... your driving skills kill more wildlife than your hunting.
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"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin
... someone hits your parked car and you don't care.... you use your bath chair for company.... your wife fur coat is her regular coat inside out.... the tabacco chewers in your family aren't just men.... you hit on your marriage counselor.... you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.... the cleanest your yard ever gets is after a flood.... your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.... your wife's "indoor voice" can be heard a block away.... your 80-gallon trash can doubles as a table.... taking your wife for a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.... there's always dog drool and Cheetos dust on your sofa.... your child's first words were "Attention K-Mart shoppers."... the emissions technician starts laughing as you pull up.... there are half a dozen "no Hunting" signs stuffed into your truck.... you bring your dog to work with you.... you buy your wife tube socks at the flea market.... you wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.... you name your twin sons Copen and Hagen.... you've ever shown a picture of Dog, The Bounty Hunter to your hair stylist.... you have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.... your dogs follow you into the restroom.... you made your first slingshot from your grandma's bra.... you consider orange peels left on the coffee table potpourri.... you grow flowers in the old commode in your front yard.... your driving skills kill more wildlife than your hunting.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin