You Might be a Redneck If ... (April Edition)
... your toilet has been running constantly since 1996.... you can't take a bath because beer is iced down in your tub.... Whoever came up with "bottomless fries" had never seen your family eat.... you've every picked up a woman in a convenience store.... you said your wedding vows while watching a football game out of the corner of your eye.... you retired within a week of leaving high school.... the chip on your shoulder is barbecue flavor.your hometown is an RV park.... you've ever been passed by the vehicle you are towing.... you don't think reading should be a requirement for high-school graduation.... there are more lies than references on your resume.... you can see four generations of General Motors products from your kitchen window.... you've never owned a vehicle that would fit in a regular parking spot.... your hair salon is also an auto parts store.... your firearms collection is illegal anywhere in the world.... you think 'The Lord of the Rings' is a wrestler.... you think Chanel No. 5 is what your wife watches all day.... you were related to more than half the kids on your school bus.... your porch swing is a tire swing.... you've ever phoned your mama while sitting on the toilet.... your front yard doubles as a go-cart track.... the only gated community you've ever visited was a correctional facility.... your bra size has a comma in it.... there is an electronic singing fish in more than three rooms of your house. (I'd say having them in 3 rooms was enough by itself - TB)... the 'Just Married' sign in your rear windshield is semi-permanent.
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"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin
... your toilet has been running constantly since 1996.... you can't take a bath because beer is iced down in your tub.... Whoever came up with "bottomless fries" had never seen your family eat.... you've every picked up a woman in a convenience store.... you said your wedding vows while watching a football game out of the corner of your eye.... you retired within a week of leaving high school.... the chip on your shoulder is barbecue flavor.your hometown is an RV park.... you've ever been passed by the vehicle you are towing.... you don't think reading should be a requirement for high-school graduation.... there are more lies than references on your resume.... you can see four generations of General Motors products from your kitchen window.... you've never owned a vehicle that would fit in a regular parking spot.... your hair salon is also an auto parts store.... your firearms collection is illegal anywhere in the world.... you think 'The Lord of the Rings' is a wrestler.... you think Chanel No. 5 is what your wife watches all day.... you were related to more than half the kids on your school bus.... your porch swing is a tire swing.... you've ever phoned your mama while sitting on the toilet.... your front yard doubles as a go-cart track.... the only gated community you've ever visited was a correctional facility.... your bra size has a comma in it.... there is an electronic singing fish in more than three rooms of your house. (I'd say having them in 3 rooms was enough by itself - TB)... the 'Just Married' sign in your rear windshield is semi-permanent.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin