You Might be a Redneck If ... (August edition)
... you make more than five bucks a week from take a penny, give a penny trays.... the staff at the dollar store know you by your first name.... you always pretend to take a phone message but never write anything down.... you take more than one magazine with you to the bathroom.... your beauty mark was a tick. (*shudder*)... you've ever applied makeup with a caulk gun.
... the white lettering on your tires is in your handwriting.... you've inflated an airbed with a leaf blower.... a pest control service uses your home as a "before" photo.... you pop your hood more than four times a day.... you think two of the Seven Wonders of the World belong to Dolly Parton.... your home contains more TVs than pens.... the wedding bouquet gave the bride a rash.... you can take your bra off while driving.... there are commemorative "I survived" shirts at your family reunion.... you put sugar on your Frosted Flakes.... you've ever sprained your wrist while high fiving.... your birthstone is gravel.... your "outdoor cat" doesn't want to be.... you refer to your wedding day as "the beginning of the end."... following your truck is hazardous in multiple ways.... you select a date's corsage to match her tattoo.... you named your truck.... you pawned one wedding ring to pay for another.... you believe in UFOs and Sasquatch but think the moon landing were staged.... you've ever written your resume on a cocktail napkin.
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"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin
... you make more than five bucks a week from take a penny, give a penny trays.... the staff at the dollar store know you by your first name.... you always pretend to take a phone message but never write anything down.... you take more than one magazine with you to the bathroom.... your beauty mark was a tick. (*shudder*)... you've ever applied makeup with a caulk gun.
... the white lettering on your tires is in your handwriting.... you've inflated an airbed with a leaf blower.... a pest control service uses your home as a "before" photo.... you pop your hood more than four times a day.... you think two of the Seven Wonders of the World belong to Dolly Parton.... your home contains more TVs than pens.... the wedding bouquet gave the bride a rash.... you can take your bra off while driving.... there are commemorative "I survived" shirts at your family reunion.... you put sugar on your Frosted Flakes.... you've ever sprained your wrist while high fiving.... your birthstone is gravel.... your "outdoor cat" doesn't want to be.... you refer to your wedding day as "the beginning of the end."... following your truck is hazardous in multiple ways.... you select a date's corsage to match her tattoo.... you named your truck.... you pawned one wedding ring to pay for another.... you believe in UFOs and Sasquatch but think the moon landing were staged.... you've ever written your resume on a cocktail napkin.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin