You Might be a Redneck If ... (October edition)
... you've gone over a decade without consuming fresh fruit or vegetables.... your grandmother is pregnant.... you use ranch dressing more than three times a day.... your favorite actor is animated.... most of your job interviews take place in parking lots.... your weekend starts on Wednesday afternoon.... your deer stand has electricity, basic cable and a mailbox.... you regard splitting a 12-pack as "foreplay".... you can cast farther than you can run.... you've made out in the back of a police car.... you've ever peed in the sink while your wife used the commode.... the tear in your eye during your vows was caused by cigarette smoke.... ypu have a tattoo that says "Mother" but it's spelled wrong.... you carry ketchup packets on your person at all times.... you tuck your shirt into your underpants.... every time your wife wears a fur coat there are Sasquatch sightings.... you were wearing a John Deere hat in your senior picture.... you've used hairspray to kill flying bugs.... you've ever lost a coin in your chest hair.... your prom dress was knitted.... you've sued an all-you-can-eat buffet for false advertising.... your oil funnel is a cut down Dr. Pepper bottle.... you can blow a Dallas Cowboys star in cigarette smoke.... your watchband is wider than any book you've ever read.... you've ever re-gifted a pet.... you wear your Marlboro windbreaker to church.... you've ever slipped a new Auto Trader under the restroom door to your husband.
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"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin
... you've gone over a decade without consuming fresh fruit or vegetables.... your grandmother is pregnant.... you use ranch dressing more than three times a day.... your favorite actor is animated.... most of your job interviews take place in parking lots.... your weekend starts on Wednesday afternoon.... your deer stand has electricity, basic cable and a mailbox.... you regard splitting a 12-pack as "foreplay".... you can cast farther than you can run.... you've made out in the back of a police car.... you've ever peed in the sink while your wife used the commode.... the tear in your eye during your vows was caused by cigarette smoke.... ypu have a tattoo that says "Mother" but it's spelled wrong.... you carry ketchup packets on your person at all times.... you tuck your shirt into your underpants.... every time your wife wears a fur coat there are Sasquatch sightings.... you were wearing a John Deere hat in your senior picture.... you've used hairspray to kill flying bugs.... you've ever lost a coin in your chest hair.... your prom dress was knitted.... you've sued an all-you-can-eat buffet for false advertising.... your oil funnel is a cut down Dr. Pepper bottle.... you can blow a Dallas Cowboys star in cigarette smoke.... your watchband is wider than any book you've ever read.... you've ever re-gifted a pet.... you wear your Marlboro windbreaker to church.... you've ever slipped a new Auto Trader under the restroom door to your husband.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin