You Might be a Redneck If ... (November ed)
... you responded "Do what?" during your marriage vows.... your first pet came from a trap.... you've ever been on TV not wearing a shirt.... the first thing you say to your wife every morning is "Sorry."... you've used a Twister mat for anything other than Twister.... you have a trophy with the word "Farting" on it.... the only time a woman ever chose you was in a police line up.... you call the stains on your sofa 'the pattern'.... the last thing your ex-wife ever said to you was "Don't you dare hang up!"... your home is more widely traveled than you are.... tying your shoelaces gives you a headache.... your lunchbox for work is a family-size cooler.... you think gun control is what your shoulder is for.... there was a Slip'N Slide at you reception.... your idea of birth control is crossing your fingers.... your obituary mentions Hooters.... you take a nap with at least one hand tucked inside your pants.
... you have a shooting rest permanently attached to your driver side door.... you only get flowers from your husband when the median is in bloom.... you have to wash your hands _before_ you go to the bathroom.... you stay married for the sake of the tattoos.... your Halloween pumpkin is your Thanksgiving side dish.... you've ever used a bungee cord as a belt.... your mom offers to pay for a vasectomy.... you haven't left home since the liquor store started delivering.
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"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin
... you responded "Do what?" during your marriage vows.... your first pet came from a trap.... you've ever been on TV not wearing a shirt.... the first thing you say to your wife every morning is "Sorry."... you've used a Twister mat for anything other than Twister.... you have a trophy with the word "Farting" on it.... the only time a woman ever chose you was in a police line up.... you call the stains on your sofa 'the pattern'.... the last thing your ex-wife ever said to you was "Don't you dare hang up!"... your home is more widely traveled than you are.... tying your shoelaces gives you a headache.... your lunchbox for work is a family-size cooler.... you think gun control is what your shoulder is for.... there was a Slip'N Slide at you reception.... your idea of birth control is crossing your fingers.... your obituary mentions Hooters.... you take a nap with at least one hand tucked inside your pants.
... you have a shooting rest permanently attached to your driver side door.... you only get flowers from your husband when the median is in bloom.... you have to wash your hands _before_ you go to the bathroom.... you stay married for the sake of the tattoos.... your Halloween pumpkin is your Thanksgiving side dish.... you've ever used a bungee cord as a belt.... your mom offers to pay for a vasectomy.... you haven't left home since the liquor store started delivering.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin