You Might be a Redneck If ... (December ed)
... your cow comes when you call it.... you think the Seven Wonders of the World include Super Wal-Mart, drive-thru pawn shops, and Taco Bell's 99 cent menu.... your garage door opener wears a bra and shares your last name.... you've used duct tape to seal a colostomy bag.... the only candlelit dinner your wife gets is during a power outage.... you get a DUI on the way to bail someone out of jail for a DUI.... you've been ejected from a UPS store for photocopying body parts.... your cell phone can't understand a single word you say.... you think truffles are a brand of potato chips.... your perfect day involves NASCAR, nachos, and napping.... you get paper cuts washing the dishes.... your family car has flames painted down both sides.... you take your cat to the vet in a live animal trap.... your retirement plan is a garage full of Twinkies.... you've ever put a lift kit on a Barbie Jeep.... you think Netflix is a movie about fishing.... you take a day off work to go to Bass Pro Shops.... your flashing Christmas lights aren't supposed to.... you think instant messaging involves your truck's horn and your middle finger.... you traded a hunting rifle for photography services.... you've cleaned out your ear with a Twizzler.... you decorate your Christmas tree with silly string.... a bait shop robbery is headline news in your town.... your dog can smoke a cigarette.... you think liability means the ability to lie with a straight face.... you make your car payments over the fence to a neighbor.... Your only contact with the metric system is a two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew.
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"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin
... your cow comes when you call it.... you think the Seven Wonders of the World include Super Wal-Mart, drive-thru pawn shops, and Taco Bell's 99 cent menu.... your garage door opener wears a bra and shares your last name.... you've used duct tape to seal a colostomy bag.... the only candlelit dinner your wife gets is during a power outage.... you get a DUI on the way to bail someone out of jail for a DUI.... you've been ejected from a UPS store for photocopying body parts.... your cell phone can't understand a single word you say.... you think truffles are a brand of potato chips.... your perfect day involves NASCAR, nachos, and napping.... you get paper cuts washing the dishes.... your family car has flames painted down both sides.... you take your cat to the vet in a live animal trap.... your retirement plan is a garage full of Twinkies.... you've ever put a lift kit on a Barbie Jeep.... you think Netflix is a movie about fishing.... you take a day off work to go to Bass Pro Shops.... your flashing Christmas lights aren't supposed to.... you think instant messaging involves your truck's horn and your middle finger.... you traded a hunting rifle for photography services.... you've cleaned out your ear with a Twizzler.... you decorate your Christmas tree with silly string.... a bait shop robbery is headline news in your town.... your dog can smoke a cigarette.... you think liability means the ability to lie with a straight face.... you make your car payments over the fence to a neighbor.... Your only contact with the metric system is a two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin