Addendum: This is more like a proper Callahan's snippet. (Though I must confess, it's been a while for me, so my characterizations may be a bit off.)
See, Callahan's isn't the sort of place you go simply to get your party on. Though there are fun times to be had, they're mostly of a more intellectual bent.
Rather, Callahans is the sort of place you stumble upon when you have something heavy weighing you down that needs to be worked out. And ho boy, does Ben have a whopper for them.
Quote:After only a couple of visits, Callahan knew exactly the sort of drink Ben needed.
Jeremiah Weed, double, neat.
Ben took the shot and kept right on going without missing a beat.
"To my ridiculous, outrageous love life, and the fucked up luck it has." In one smooth motion, he drained the glass, and then sent it to the fireplace where it shattered in an almost musical tone.
Ben then went to take a seat at the bar, where Callahan already had a cold pint of Angry Orchard waiting for him.
The rest of the patrons looked on in mild surprise as Ben's pull on that glass didn't stop until it was empty. Callahan was on the ball and had another one waiting for him by the time Ben set the empty tumbler firmly down onto the bar. This time, though, Ben only sipped, letting the sweet and crisp hard cider linger on his tongue before taking it down the hatch.
"Jesus, Ben," said Jake Stonebender as he eyed the younger man with concern. "You sure you should be going at it like that on your anti-depressants?"
Ben, though, waved it off. "Haven't taken any for the last twenty-four hours just so I can do this."
"Okay, this is serious kid. What the hell's eating you? Girl troubles?"
Ben chuckled in a tired, hysterical way. "Oh great googly moogly is there ever. A good number of the underage girls in my care have suddenly declared their feelings for me. Which then prompted a brawl. Do you have any idea what a knock-down-drag-out fight between teenage girls looks like when all of them can punch out a main battle tank?"
The stylus in the jukebox suddenly dragged across the single it was playing and fell silent as the rest of the room's occupants looked at Ben in surprise. Even 'Slippery' Joe Maser, known bigamist with two wives (who were quite happy with the arrangement, thank you very much) was not immune - mostly because the word 'underage' had been dropped. The bit about their super powers didn't help, either.
"This is just so typical for me, you know? Hardly any women would ever give me a second look. Like as if I got this sign over my head that reads 'Damaged Goods - Buyer Beware'. But the little ones? They don't see that. I mean, yes, they know I'm hurt. But instead of avoiding me, they want to make me feel better instead! I mean, sure, I honestly appreciate the sentiment. I mean that unironically. I am truly touched that they care about me that much. But the average age for these girls is FOURTEEN YEARS OLD. I like my ladies a bit on the young side, but what the holy hell!?"
"Well," said Jake slowly. "You can wait, can't ya? I mean, they ain't gonna stay fourteen forever."
Ben really did laugh hysterically this time. "oh man oh man oh man, this is so fucking rich. You guys are gonna fucking love this shit. Some of them actually can stay that young because they're technically liches." At that point, even Callahan nearly dropped the tumbler he was polishing as horrified gasps made their way around the bar. "They made a deal with a devil thinking they were gonna make the world a better place and their own souls got put in these gemstones. You can put a .44 magnum through one of them and they'll just use their magic abilities to repair the damage, because that's all it is - just damage!"
"Okay kid, calm down a bit. We're gonna talk this out, okay? You know you've been one of us ever since you walked in that door and tipped your hat to Ralph."
"S'why I came here, Jake. That, and the Angry Orchard." Callahan, good man that he is, already had yet another pint of the hard cider waiting for him the moment Ben set the empty one down.
"He definitely has good taste," said Callahan. "Shame about the girl thing, though. You sure that waiting will be an issue?"
Ben sighed and took a pull from the fresh pint. "S'not quite as cut and dry. My thing is that I'm big on physical affection. Sure, someone can say they love you. But for me, it's not real until it 'feels' real. And in today's society I can't even give them a hug without looking like a pedophile and a child predator."
"You go ahead and drink up, Ben," said Callahan as he reached over and patted Ben on the shoulder. "Just promise us that as soon as your sober up in the morning that you'll be back on your meds."
"No problem, Cal," said Ben with a wan smile on his face. "Believe me, I know the drugs work. Thank God for small miracles."
See, Callahan's isn't the sort of place you go simply to get your party on. Though there are fun times to be had, they're mostly of a more intellectual bent.
Rather, Callahans is the sort of place you stumble upon when you have something heavy weighing you down that needs to be worked out. And ho boy, does Ben have a whopper for them.