RE: [IC][WIP][Arc 1] How I Managed to Quit Worrying and Love The Grief Seed
03-28-2019, 07:08 AM (This post was last modified: 03-28-2019, 07:09 AM by Bob Schroeck.)
03-28-2019, 07:08 AM (This post was last modified: 03-28-2019, 07:09 AM by Bob Schroeck.)
Very nice, at least the Fate/Nanoha/Ben scene -- the rest is well done but not nice at all, if you know what I mean. Oh, and you have a paragraph with a narrative perspective shift into first person that you need to fix ("Nanoha got up at that, came over to my side, sat down, and leaned up against me. Fate got up and did the same on my other side.").
-- Bob
I have been Roland, Beowulf, Achilles, Gilgamesh, Clark Kent, Mary Sue, DJ Croft, Skysaber. I have been
called a hundred names and will be called a thousand more before the sun grows dim and cold....
I have been Roland, Beowulf, Achilles, Gilgamesh, Clark Kent, Mary Sue, DJ Croft, Skysaber. I have been
called a hundred names and will be called a thousand more before the sun grows dim and cold....