[IC][WIP][Arc 1] How I Managed to Quit Worrying and Love The Grief Seed

[Labster]

I'm actually pretty crappy at music analysis, but it sounds a lot like natural minor scale until the goddesses join in and start adding major thirds.  It's pretty neat.

“...a possibility," said Rei at barely more than a whisper, her voice filled with awe.  "Something that could have been, but never was.”
Aside: That along with Hild-chan's part of the story makes me wonder if OA is in doublet with Hap, but I'm not sure I'm cruel enough inflict to The OA on y'all.  But your scene would have been one of the more normal things that happens on that show, seriously I haven't been so surprised by an octopus since Anthy's closet.

I do think that what your doing is huge.
you're

and I love her more than anything else in all of existence.
Then why don't you marry her? … … Hey come back, I didn't mean right now!

I have an admission to make.
I'm curious what Rei looks like around this soliloquy.  Is there nervousness, like the tapping of a foot, or she staring directly into Ben's eyes?

“It is so weird to think about... for them to want to start a family at such a young age...”
What was Rei thinking during those episodes after Chibiusa showed up?

somewhat smaller young woman, and bowed his head.
Rei's only 4cm shorter than you, so somewhat smaller is confusing in this context.  And I think the bowing implies that much of a height difference, so if she tips her head forward, you can show instead of tell.

As Hild spoke, Washu wheeled out one of her hospital beds.  In it was Alcia,
You spelled Alicia and Washu-chan wrong

“If you wanna try it, I can set you up,” said Washu with an impish grin.
You're missing the next sentence:  "I have a couple of theories about photoreactive hormones I've been dying to test."

Rin stepped back with a sickly smile.  “Ah, thanks but NO thanks.  Really.  I like my circadian rhythm the way it is.”
You mean Ben not Rin, right?  But then two paragraphs later Rin is talking?  I'm confused.

Fortunately, Rin was able to complete her task with no incident.
Show don't tell please.

Belldandy and the others
This was written Belldandy-tachi in the original Japanese.  

road to hell
should be spelled: Hel

An orb or pristine light
s/or /of /;

But you’ve done this before.



the Onsen here.
and that one should be lowercase.  Italics if you like, but I wouldn't bother -- I tend to reserve italics for foreign words that would otherwise be parse errors for readers, either for being too strange, or being too much like an English word.

“Good.  I may be in the business of gathering souls for hell, but I wouldn’t want to see those girls broken up over you.”
"In fact, I'm excited to see what sort of arrangement you work out with those gorgeous lolis.  And where there's one arrangement, there can be many.  Just think of the possibilities."

Having you as a consort will be something else entirely~.  Think about it, Benjamin.  But not too hard.”
You can be gentle our first time.