[OOC][PLOT] The Fifth Thread of Planning for Arc 1 - Arrivals

[Labster]

Ritsuko nodded. "You wouldn't happen to know where to find the data, would you?"

FFS guys Mr. Data is at the party and no one wrote a scene for him.

I think you probably took out a lot too much from the main story, BlackAeronaut. I think everything before "to have fallen in his lap" was fine in the big story. The only thing not really adding weight here was the Rei/Ben interaction because it was a retread of the same dramatic territory. Or, rather, the Nanoha/Ben stuff written afterward is a much better character development arc on the same topic -- and since the Rei scene happened later in-story it felt like covering the same ground.

Either way we're at light novel length and so we should be looking at it as containing several stories in balance with each other. Tomo/Mina, Ben/Nanoha, and Akari/Sith provide the main movement here, and the tone balances between comedic, dramatic, and romantic. Everyone else's story is either episodic or limited to one chapter. I tried to add a little more drama with my last change to the final chapter. That said the final chapter needs a little more Ben. What does he think about about his new situation in the light of day?

Also I'm pretty sure I want Akari's whole chapter in there because some of our characters got laid, but someone's gotta fall in love too! Only took 10 months to make up my mind about that lol.