So... anyone interested enough I should continue this?

[classicdrogn]

Right then, nitpick omnislash edit go!

“Ah. Your awake. Finally.”

You're

//We have been unconscious due to cerebral blunt force trauma for 4hours, 32 minutes Due to loss of vehicular control on arrival and loss of vehicular stability. //

suggest removing the second "vehicular" for redundancy

get the joke, over and above the way said soldier instantly drew his sidearm at Muck identified him as both a soldier

Actually, why did Gamlin immediately draw on Muck? He's not usually that jumpy from what I recall, Muck is decidedly not a physical threat to so much as a mosquito at the moment, and a hospital is usually considered a "No Shooting" area from what I understand

“Relax, Warrior of the clan Kizaki. Well, relax as much as I expect the Micloned offspring of a Meltran and Zentran will ever be able t0 do.”

You have a zero instead of O on that last "to"

The voice was coming from behind Muck’s head, which would explain why Muck had not seen this person.

All the more reason to NOT immediately pull a gun, if there's a freindly in close proximity. Even assuming Gamlin is off to one side rather than at teh foot of the bed (which isn't described either way to be fair) that's still quite the friendly fire risk if things got chaotic enough to justify physical force in the first place. Maybe you could have Gamlin take a stance that was obviously poised and ready to grab and subdue Muck if he tried anything hasty, rather than the gun?

“And you are?” Muck wondered; He rather hoped that his interpretation of the infections he was hearing were

inflections

before the sound of a weapon being readied drew his gaze back past his feet.

Well Gamlin just failed his next five range safety reviews! And if Chiba didn't squawk and jump out of the line of fire, or at least crouch down to shelter behind his console, he's getting some remedial training as well.

“And why should we believe this?” a new voice demanded, causing Muck to look over. Both of the two new arrivals were familiar to him, but he only remembered being introduced to one of them. “Ah. Milia. And that means the

This needs to be a new paragraph either at "Both of them..." or at least when Muck starts to speak.

believe he is related to whatever the enemy forces, the creatures our civilians have been calling ‘vampires’ are that

It might be better to use "the media" rather than "our civilians" here - Milia is after all technically one of those civilians herself.

“We assign this Micheal Thunders, this ‘Star Ranger’ as he calls himself…’This Wanderer,’ as Chiba-sensei calls him, to you, as well as the rest of my ‘Diamond Force’. Let our mystery arrival make up the third member of the flight.

Did he ever introduce himself by anything but his full name? I'm pretty sure the narration only used Muck, at any rate. Also, I thought Gamlin had two canon wingmen? Maybe I'm getting mixed up with Emerald Force since that was definitely three VFs.

“What we have always done. Pretend to be strong. Look out for our people. Our Daughter. And now, Maybe, we Hope.

Aw Max, you great big dork. It's stuff like that why I can't even be mad you stole the original series' Best Girl. It does need a closing quotation mark on the line, though, and neither daughter, maybe, nor hope should be capitalized.