Quote:It might work better to cover Celia and Brian's past with a comment that it's really disappointing how he changed as a reaction to one of the other Sabers' stories, though some of it could also be worked in if she gets a call at some point and he's inviting her out to dinner - "We haven't talked in so long, it seems we've both become busy adults," or something along those lines - and one of the others (Nene for preference, but any could fit) tease her about having an admirer, but she strongly disapproves of any such ideas, and adds "You know him as well, or of him - Brian J. Mason, head of GENOM Special Projects. It seems he's become a real snake," thereby prompting their own story.This is pretty much what I was thinking of doing, segueing Priss / Nene's stories into Celia's, only she's intentionally much more vague about what he was like. I mean...
Quote:Mason always struck me as the grown-up version of the kind of kid who threw rocks at puppies and pulled goldfish out of bowls to watch them suffocate and dry out on a tabletop. Maybe she could reference something along those lines she witnessed when they were both ten or so.
This is pretty much what I was thinking, too. Like Peter in Ender's Game.
I've also been toying with the idea that he had a childhood crush on Celia - wanted to sort of be her white-knight savior or something - and then, when her already accelerated cognitive development got kicked into overdrive with her father's last message, she froze him out. He never understood why - his dad never told him 'yep son I killed Celia's dad for the good of the company lol' - and he's bitter about it. Holds a grudge. Wants Celia to be his, his, his. Can't understand why she won't join SpecProjects, he knows she's a super-genius not just some fashion-designer ditz, why doesn't he like her? He can have any other woman he wants 'cause he's Moonshot Mason, he even has his Razordoll security detail's head Boomer sculpted to look like her, but it's not her. Then he figures out she must be Saber White in a deep dive through GENOM's databases after the Sabers have begun to undermine his plans for not-Soulkiller (Koshchei is the name I was thinking I might give it), and lashes out - sends Battle Boomers into the heart of Megatokyo to wreck her shit. Of course, this is what makes Quincy decide to not send him the forces he wants to crush the Sabers - rampant military hardware in the middle of GENOM's model city is, contrary to the original OVA, bad for the megacity-reconstruction business that GENOM makes so much money off of...
Quote:Could have Priss come to Sylia's attention by having her attempt a confrontation with Mason when Sylia is present. Say that Mason and Sylia are both attending the same reception or whatever (some social thing that shows they move in the same circles, Mason as a senior (but not top tier) member of Genom while Sylia is a significant local figure). Mason slimes up to her, Sylia keeps her temper and Mason leaves. Possibly Sylia has a brief flashback or conversation with someone as she watches Mason's limo depart... but she then sees someone on a bike heading after the limo.I'm not really sure this would work, if only because it implies that Celia hadn't been already monitoring Priss, waiting to swoop in like a savior at her lowest moment - which is how I've got it written right now. I dislike too much coincidence in my writing, but I can't deny that this proposed scene does a great job of establishing everything really well. I'm gonna stick with what I've got - go with introducing Mason a little later - and maybe if I get stuck I'll go back and write those opening scenes differently.
Cut to Priss attempting a hot-headed interception. This goes badly, she's lost her bike, she's wounded, staggering away through an alleyway... Sylia's Mercedes pulls up and opens the door. Priss hops in, pulls a gun on Sylia and then sees that Sylia already has her own gun out and aimed at her. Sylia asks "do you want to argue or leave?" Priss sighs, her gun's empty already. They drive and talk - why did Priss go after Mason, why does Sylia care/help Priss...?
Quote:Regarding Priss' music, maybe her boyfriend was headlining the act and it was his side-gig outside the gang. Partway through Act 2 she's still frustrated, looking for a way to vent. She slams in one of his old demo tapes to listen to (or MP3 or whatever) and starts spilling out what she's thinking and it slips into her singing it (mad machine maybe?). Finally she's sitting exhausted, vented, one of the other Sabers (Nene or Linna) walks past and asks what band she was playing (not realising it was Priss singing). Priss sarcastically asks if they think it was 'nice' (implying soft), and the response was "No, it sounded raw. And powerful." Which is a 'huh' moment for Priss. And this sets up that instead of Priss taking up her boyfriend's role as a gangleader, instead she takes up the path of music.This, though, I'm gonna try to do. It might not be her boyfriend who was doing the music, though - I subscribe to the PrissxCelia school of shipping that Bob had so much fun
poking with that one scene in DWII. Just putting that out there. I can see this, too, as an intro to a montage of Things Happening - Celia building the hardsuits to each user's biometrics while the other Sabers try to establish new lives (Nene in the ADP, Priss singing, Linna allowing herself more time to do kata, etc.) Play it to some redux of an iconic BGC song (probably not Mad Machine, though) and we'll be good.
Okay, you know what, I've been coy long enough. Here's what I've got so far in Google Doc format. I like what I've got so far, and I like leaning on y'all for story beats when I get stumped. Read it, see if you like it, please don't sell it to a major movie producer 'cause I wanna do that some bajillion years in the future.
I'm coming up on the bridge from Act 1 to 2, where Celia sells Linna on the Sabers, then drags her and Priss to rescue Nene from Boomers ransacking her apartment in plainclothes. Still trying to figure out what exactly Celia's angle is - especially considering I have Linna call her out on the Saber project being a mix of superheroic fantasy delusion (because, remember, she knew Sylia was really into super sentai when she was young) and an inability to lay her father to rest (I dunno why but I see Linna as being the most spiritually inclined of all the Sabers, a good Confucian-Shinto-Buddhist in contrast to the lapsed Orthodox Nene and the cynical Celia and Priss). I mean, I like that Linna goes down that route after Celia pushes her a little, if only because it's a rant motivated by a lot of little things that Linna is unhappy about with this particular reunion, and it's sort of genre-aware in a way most superheroic fiction actively refuses to be. I don't want to cut that out, but... eh.
I see this iteration of Linna as a very anxious sort of person, someone who wants to be liked, wants to be recognized, is sort of an overachiever, not just another basic bougie bitch stuck in an ever-shrinking middle-class income bracket. Celia knows this, knows that her parents getting ganked by Boomers (canon in 2032 if I recall correctly) affected her differently than it affected revenge-obsessed Celia. Made her come very close to losing the stability and security money provides - and made her willing to sacrifice her happiness and personal ambitions (martial arts, dance, etc.) to hold onto that security. (Perhaps because it leans into this uncomfortable side of Linna, I sort of like the ancient fic Midnight Hour.)
So... how to exploit that? Sylia promised Priss revenge and a chance to restart her life - what would be the words she uses to sway Linna that wouldn't piss her off? Hrm. I think I can figure this out on my own, I just want to see what others think.