Nice. Forget about the campaign, continue the story.
I was going to ask if Temple was influenced by Looney Toons -- I thought I heard some echoes in his "voice" -- but he's a bit too different in the long run.
And my editor's eye noticed only two things I'd suggest tweaking, and they're related. First, you need a period for the abbreviation "lt." Second, if Temple is British (and otherwise his speech is British, viz. "biscuits"), he would say "leftenant" and not "lieutenant" -- it's an interesting quirk of the British military.
I was going to ask if Temple was influenced by Looney Toons -- I thought I heard some echoes in his "voice" -- but he's a bit too different in the long run.
And my editor's eye noticed only two things I'd suggest tweaking, and they're related. First, you need a period for the abbreviation "lt." Second, if Temple is British (and otherwise his speech is British, viz. "biscuits"), he would say "leftenant" and not "lieutenant" -- it's an interesting quirk of the British military.
-- Bob
I have been Roland, Beowulf, Achilles, Gilgamesh, Clark Kent, Mary Sue, DJ Croft, Skysaber. I have been
called a hundred names and will be called a thousand more before the sun grows dim and cold....
I have been Roland, Beowulf, Achilles, Gilgamesh, Clark Kent, Mary Sue, DJ Croft, Skysaber. I have been
called a hundred names and will be called a thousand more before the sun grows dim and cold....