RE: [IC][WIP][Arc 1] How I Managed to Quit Worrying and Love The Grief Seed
08-24-2021, 01:20 AM
08-24-2021, 01:20 AM
So Brent was reading through this and mentioned in the Discord server that I was missing out on some potential characterization for Fate and Nanoha. So, here's that relevant bit, revised and expanded.
At first, it had confounded her. How could someone accept the negative aspects of someone’s personality? But Benjamin had helped her there as well — had explained that true acceptance meant that you accept a person as a whole, even the bad parts, because it is also those bad parts that make a person who they are. Not just the good, but the bad as well.
Once Nanoha understood this, it resonated sharply because she realized that this was exactly how she felt about Fate. Fate had some bad parts. At first, there had been her delusional commitment to serving Precia Testarosa, believing that it was her own shortcomings that was keeping Precia from loving her.
Despite that, Nanoha had not only accepted her, but even gone out of her way to save her. It had take a lot of work on Nanoha’s part, and that of the Harlaown family, to convince Fate that she was a worthwhile person, and that it didn’t matter to them at all if she was a clone.
Even so, there were nights that Fate found herself in the grips of that sadness from before. It was emotionally trying, almost to the point of pain, to experience her closest friend crying on her shoulder in the dead of night. And Nanoha had to constantly reassure Fate that she loved her dearly, that Nanoha already cannot imagine life without her.
And it was thanks to Benjamin that she was beginning to see the parallels between herself and Fate, how they were both different, and yet the same as well. Because Nanoha was starting to understand, again with Benjamin’s help, that she had her own fears, and that they were very real indeed.
And just like her with Fate, Benjamin accepted Nanoha, wholly and completely, even though he knew Nanoha had her issues. He not only understood her insecurities, but he also wanted to help her come to grips with them. Not to simply disregard them, but to acknowledge her fears and affirm that they were based on very real possibilities. Benjamin had said that being afraid is part of what it means to be human. It was both a weakness and a strength. A weakness in that if you let your fears control you, they can destroy you. And a strength in that if you master your fears, you can use them as guides to help weigh risks.
This love and wisdom that Benjamin shared with Nanoha had only served to draw her even closer to him. That feeling of acceptance was something she wanted to wrap herself up in, both metaphorically and physically.
In fact, having both Benjamin and Fate hold her at the same time was a sensation that was almost intoxicating — the sheer amount of calm, blissful contentment it gave her made her feel like everything else ceased to matter. So long as she could have this feeling, then all was well.
Right then, however, she was as far from that feeling as she could possibly be. Benjamin had been hurt. Mortally wounded and placed in grave peril. Only the quick action of his pet Masser had saved his life.
Anxiety is not a rational thing. No matter the outcome, it will seize on the most negative aspects of a situation like a mad dog and not let go. Despite what Ben had taught her, the simple fact that he had been in that kind of danger had ratcheted Nanoha’s anxieties to a level she had only felt at one other time in her life. Had she been in a better state of mind, she would have noted that it was ironic that the person counseling her about her fears wound up triggering them.
How's that?
At first, it had confounded her. How could someone accept the negative aspects of someone’s personality? But Benjamin had helped her there as well — had explained that true acceptance meant that you accept a person as a whole, even the bad parts, because it is also those bad parts that make a person who they are. Not just the good, but the bad as well.
Once Nanoha understood this, it resonated sharply because she realized that this was exactly how she felt about Fate. Fate had some bad parts. At first, there had been her delusional commitment to serving Precia Testarosa, believing that it was her own shortcomings that was keeping Precia from loving her.
Despite that, Nanoha had not only accepted her, but even gone out of her way to save her. It had take a lot of work on Nanoha’s part, and that of the Harlaown family, to convince Fate that she was a worthwhile person, and that it didn’t matter to them at all if she was a clone.
Even so, there were nights that Fate found herself in the grips of that sadness from before. It was emotionally trying, almost to the point of pain, to experience her closest friend crying on her shoulder in the dead of night. And Nanoha had to constantly reassure Fate that she loved her dearly, that Nanoha already cannot imagine life without her.
And it was thanks to Benjamin that she was beginning to see the parallels between herself and Fate, how they were both different, and yet the same as well. Because Nanoha was starting to understand, again with Benjamin’s help, that she had her own fears, and that they were very real indeed.
And just like her with Fate, Benjamin accepted Nanoha, wholly and completely, even though he knew Nanoha had her issues. He not only understood her insecurities, but he also wanted to help her come to grips with them. Not to simply disregard them, but to acknowledge her fears and affirm that they were based on very real possibilities. Benjamin had said that being afraid is part of what it means to be human. It was both a weakness and a strength. A weakness in that if you let your fears control you, they can destroy you. And a strength in that if you master your fears, you can use them as guides to help weigh risks.
This love and wisdom that Benjamin shared with Nanoha had only served to draw her even closer to him. That feeling of acceptance was something she wanted to wrap herself up in, both metaphorically and physically.
In fact, having both Benjamin and Fate hold her at the same time was a sensation that was almost intoxicating — the sheer amount of calm, blissful contentment it gave her made her feel like everything else ceased to matter. So long as she could have this feeling, then all was well.
Right then, however, she was as far from that feeling as she could possibly be. Benjamin had been hurt. Mortally wounded and placed in grave peril. Only the quick action of his pet Masser had saved his life.
Anxiety is not a rational thing. No matter the outcome, it will seize on the most negative aspects of a situation like a mad dog and not let go. Despite what Ben had taught her, the simple fact that he had been in that kind of danger had ratcheted Nanoha’s anxieties to a level she had only felt at one other time in her life. Had she been in a better state of mind, she would have noted that it was ironic that the person counseling her about her fears wound up triggering them.
How's that?