Various Ways to Spend Christmas Eve Eve
Kasukabe, Saitama, Japan
December 23, 2006
School had let out for the semester, and the students had taken their report cards home. Two of these students, twin sisters, had dutifully given their report cards to their father and accepted his assessment of their grades: Kagami Hiiragi was still on-track to get a recommendation to a national university, while her sister Tsukasa was still struggling to keep up in the prep school that they both attended. In two other households, two of Tsukasa's classmates were also delivering their report cards to their parents: Miyuki Takara was telling her mother that getting the top marks in her class wasn't a big deal really, while Konata Izumi (having changed out of her school uniform first) was quietly slipping her own report card into the middle of a stack of mail for her father and getting out of the house while she had the chance. Konata knew that her grades were barely better than Tsukasa's.
Having grabbed her rarely-used cellphone on the way out of the house, Konata texted Kagami while she walked to the bus stop. "Want to go sing karaoke?"
A reply quickly appeared: "No anime songs."
"Fine, fine," Konata texted back... although, as far as she was concerned, singing anime themes at the top of her lungs was the best part of karaoke. And she'd almost got her Aya Hirano impersonation perfected, too. "Does Tsukasa want to come along? I'll call Miyuki and ask if she wants in."
A half-hour later, the girls had assembled at the subway station closest to their favorite karaoke parlor. Miyuki looked particularly excited. "I have two songs picked out to sing today!" she announced. "I won't be like last time, only singing once."
"You heard her," Kagami said to Konata. "No monopolizing the microphone this time."
"You'll just have to put songs in, then." Konata answered as the four of them boarded the bus that would take them to the karaoke parlor. "I'm not going to waste time that we paid for and not hear somebody singing."
"Miyuki-san has a pretty singing voice," commented Tsukasa. "I want to hear her sing again."
"Why, thank you," replied Miyuki. But it had been a long day; she nodded off as the bus pulled away from the station, quickly followed into slumberland by her three friends.
Eventually, they opened their eyes. "Where are we?" asked Miuyki lazily.
"I don't know. I think we fell asleep," muttered Konata as she looked out the bus' window.
"And we just talked about falling asleep on the bus a few days ago," Tsukasa added through a yawn.
"There's no point in talking about it," Kagami said with as much conviction as she could manage while rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "Let's get off at the next stop and get a bus going the other way."
They did so ...
Montreal, QC, Canada
December 23, 2016
... and found themselves in a small Chinese-style park, with no bus - or bus stop - to be seen nearby.
"What is this place?" Tsukasa asked. "I've never been here before."
"Neither have I," her sister added.
"Nor I," added Miyuki.
Konata took a quick look around. "It looks almost like a fighting game level backdrop, with that pavilion over there and the murals on the walls."
Kagami sighed. "Everything reminds you of games, doesn't it?" she asked crossly.
"That doesn't", replied Tsukasa as she pointed at the building to the right of the pavilion... the brown brick building with distinctly non-Chinese signs above the doors to the businesses housed within.
"Miyuki, you're better than the rest of us at English. What do those signs say?"
She looked at them for a moment, then turned to Kagami, "I don't know. That isn't English."
Konata asked, "Then what is it?"
After a moment, Tukasa picked up a flyer that has been left on a bench and answered, "I think it's French. I remember seeing these words in a cookbook," she added while pointing at the phrase "marmelade de sucre" at the top of the flyer.
"Are we in Paris?" Konata asked with sudden delight.
"I don't think so," Kagami replied while looking at the licence plate on a car parked beside the park. "Unless there's a Paris in Canada. That car has a Quebec license plate."
"Oh," Konata replied flatly.
"How do we find out where we are?" Tsukasa asked worriedly.
They thought for a moment. Finally, Konata offered, "We could wait here until somebody who speaks Japanese comes along."
"And how likely is that to happen in Canada?" Kagami asked angrily.
From behind them, an unfamiliar voice (to everyone but Konata, who thought she sounded a lot like Kana Ueda) answered in Japanese. "You might be surprised."
They turned to see two black-haired Asian girls, both younger than they were. One was wearing a long dark blue coat and a headband covered with flowers. The other was wearing a scarlet coat over a black skirt with stockings that didn't quite reach her skirt, her hair tied in twin-tails by black ribbons.
The twin-tailed girl turned to the girl with flowers in her hair. "You're going to insist we help them, aren't you?"
"We can't just leave them here." There was something vaguely familiar about this girl's voice, but Konata couldn't figure it out offhand. Said girl approached the four and smiled. "I'm Kazari Uiharu. Pleased to meet you."
"Konata Isumi. Hi there."
As Miyuki and the Hiiragi sisters introduced themselves, Kazari's smile turned into a grin. She turned to face her companion. "I knew it! They're like us!" She turned back to the others. "I'm not the best person at this... You're in another world, and we're all fictional characters here. Want to have lunch with us? We were going to get some dim sum."
Kagami turned to the other girl. "You expect us to believe we're fictional characters? Is your friend always like this, miss...?"
"Not always," the twin-tailed girl replied. "And I'm Rin Tohsaka. Nice to meet you."
"You can't be," Konata stated flatly.
In reply, Rin wordlessly cast a spell, causing her hand to glow for a moment. Since it was the middle of the day, only the six of them could see the effect.
"You are!"
Miyuki raised her hand. "Excuse me, but who are you?"
Konata spun on her heels to face Miyuki. "She's one of the lead characters in an ero-game I really doubt you've heard of because it's too new!"
Before Rin could react, Kazari said, "Izumi-san, please don't mention that game in Rin-san's presence. I don't want to have to call an ambulance for you."
Konata stopped cold. After a moment, she said quietly, "Don't piss off the spellcaster. Right. Important safety tip."
Miyuki quickly changed the subject. "I wouldn't mind having lunch. But I can't pay for it; all of my money is Japanese."
"Oh, I can pay for a few dishes for you!" Kazari beamed.
"And I can cover a few, too," added Rin. "It isn't as if people in my favourite restaurants here in Montreal don't know that I always pay my debts."
"So. We're in Montreal." Konata stated, desperate to rejoin the conversation on a positive note.
"You are," Rin agreed.
"And we're in a Narō novel."
"They're called 'isekai' now," commented Kazari. "And, yes."
"And I'll bet we're not getting power-ups right away. If ever." Konata sighed. "Let's talk about our quest over lunch. We're getting a quest to save the world, right?"
Kazari looked puzzled. "Not as far as I know... but we could ask our friends whether there's anything like a quest that you could go on."
"No quest? That takes all the fun out of being in a Narō novel - sorry, in an isekai novel." In a quieter voice that she thought nobody else could hear, Konata continued, "Oh, well. It looks like I'm going to miss winter Comiket this year."
Author's Note: As a matter of fact, there is a Paris in Canada... but it's a small town, it isn't in Quebec, and nobody taking part in the discussion knows that it exists.
Kasukabe, Saitama, Japan
December 23, 2006
School had let out for the semester, and the students had taken their report cards home. Two of these students, twin sisters, had dutifully given their report cards to their father and accepted his assessment of their grades: Kagami Hiiragi was still on-track to get a recommendation to a national university, while her sister Tsukasa was still struggling to keep up in the prep school that they both attended. In two other households, two of Tsukasa's classmates were also delivering their report cards to their parents: Miyuki Takara was telling her mother that getting the top marks in her class wasn't a big deal really, while Konata Izumi (having changed out of her school uniform first) was quietly slipping her own report card into the middle of a stack of mail for her father and getting out of the house while she had the chance. Konata knew that her grades were barely better than Tsukasa's.
Having grabbed her rarely-used cellphone on the way out of the house, Konata texted Kagami while she walked to the bus stop. "Want to go sing karaoke?"
A reply quickly appeared: "No anime songs."
"Fine, fine," Konata texted back... although, as far as she was concerned, singing anime themes at the top of her lungs was the best part of karaoke. And she'd almost got her Aya Hirano impersonation perfected, too. "Does Tsukasa want to come along? I'll call Miyuki and ask if she wants in."
A half-hour later, the girls had assembled at the subway station closest to their favorite karaoke parlor. Miyuki looked particularly excited. "I have two songs picked out to sing today!" she announced. "I won't be like last time, only singing once."
"You heard her," Kagami said to Konata. "No monopolizing the microphone this time."
"You'll just have to put songs in, then." Konata answered as the four of them boarded the bus that would take them to the karaoke parlor. "I'm not going to waste time that we paid for and not hear somebody singing."
"Miyuki-san has a pretty singing voice," commented Tsukasa. "I want to hear her sing again."
"Why, thank you," replied Miyuki. But it had been a long day; she nodded off as the bus pulled away from the station, quickly followed into slumberland by her three friends.
Eventually, they opened their eyes. "Where are we?" asked Miuyki lazily.
"I don't know. I think we fell asleep," muttered Konata as she looked out the bus' window.
"And we just talked about falling asleep on the bus a few days ago," Tsukasa added through a yawn.
"There's no point in talking about it," Kagami said with as much conviction as she could manage while rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "Let's get off at the next stop and get a bus going the other way."
They did so ...
Montreal, QC, Canada
December 23, 2016
... and found themselves in a small Chinese-style park, with no bus - or bus stop - to be seen nearby.
"What is this place?" Tsukasa asked. "I've never been here before."
"Neither have I," her sister added.
"Nor I," added Miyuki.
Konata took a quick look around. "It looks almost like a fighting game level backdrop, with that pavilion over there and the murals on the walls."
Kagami sighed. "Everything reminds you of games, doesn't it?" she asked crossly.
"That doesn't", replied Tsukasa as she pointed at the building to the right of the pavilion... the brown brick building with distinctly non-Chinese signs above the doors to the businesses housed within.
"Miyuki, you're better than the rest of us at English. What do those signs say?"
She looked at them for a moment, then turned to Kagami, "I don't know. That isn't English."
Konata asked, "Then what is it?"
After a moment, Tukasa picked up a flyer that has been left on a bench and answered, "I think it's French. I remember seeing these words in a cookbook," she added while pointing at the phrase "marmelade de sucre" at the top of the flyer.
"Are we in Paris?" Konata asked with sudden delight.
"I don't think so," Kagami replied while looking at the licence plate on a car parked beside the park. "Unless there's a Paris in Canada. That car has a Quebec license plate."
"Oh," Konata replied flatly.
"How do we find out where we are?" Tsukasa asked worriedly.
They thought for a moment. Finally, Konata offered, "We could wait here until somebody who speaks Japanese comes along."
"And how likely is that to happen in Canada?" Kagami asked angrily.
From behind them, an unfamiliar voice (to everyone but Konata, who thought she sounded a lot like Kana Ueda) answered in Japanese. "You might be surprised."
They turned to see two black-haired Asian girls, both younger than they were. One was wearing a long dark blue coat and a headband covered with flowers. The other was wearing a scarlet coat over a black skirt with stockings that didn't quite reach her skirt, her hair tied in twin-tails by black ribbons.
The twin-tailed girl turned to the girl with flowers in her hair. "You're going to insist we help them, aren't you?"
"We can't just leave them here." There was something vaguely familiar about this girl's voice, but Konata couldn't figure it out offhand. Said girl approached the four and smiled. "I'm Kazari Uiharu. Pleased to meet you."
"Konata Isumi. Hi there."
As Miyuki and the Hiiragi sisters introduced themselves, Kazari's smile turned into a grin. She turned to face her companion. "I knew it! They're like us!" She turned back to the others. "I'm not the best person at this... You're in another world, and we're all fictional characters here. Want to have lunch with us? We were going to get some dim sum."
Kagami turned to the other girl. "You expect us to believe we're fictional characters? Is your friend always like this, miss...?"
"Not always," the twin-tailed girl replied. "And I'm Rin Tohsaka. Nice to meet you."
"You can't be," Konata stated flatly.
In reply, Rin wordlessly cast a spell, causing her hand to glow for a moment. Since it was the middle of the day, only the six of them could see the effect.
"You are!"
Miyuki raised her hand. "Excuse me, but who are you?"
Konata spun on her heels to face Miyuki. "She's one of the lead characters in an ero-game I really doubt you've heard of because it's too new!"
Before Rin could react, Kazari said, "Izumi-san, please don't mention that game in Rin-san's presence. I don't want to have to call an ambulance for you."
Konata stopped cold. After a moment, she said quietly, "Don't piss off the spellcaster. Right. Important safety tip."
Miyuki quickly changed the subject. "I wouldn't mind having lunch. But I can't pay for it; all of my money is Japanese."
"Oh, I can pay for a few dishes for you!" Kazari beamed.
"And I can cover a few, too," added Rin. "It isn't as if people in my favourite restaurants here in Montreal don't know that I always pay my debts."
"So. We're in Montreal." Konata stated, desperate to rejoin the conversation on a positive note.
"You are," Rin agreed.
"And we're in a Narō novel."
"They're called 'isekai' now," commented Kazari. "And, yes."
"And I'll bet we're not getting power-ups right away. If ever." Konata sighed. "Let's talk about our quest over lunch. We're getting a quest to save the world, right?"
Kazari looked puzzled. "Not as far as I know... but we could ask our friends whether there's anything like a quest that you could go on."
"No quest? That takes all the fun out of being in a Narō novel - sorry, in an isekai novel." In a quieter voice that she thought nobody else could hear, Konata continued, "Oh, well. It looks like I'm going to miss winter Comiket this year."
Author's Note: As a matter of fact, there is a Paris in Canada... but it's a small town, it isn't in Quebec, and nobody taking part in the discussion knows that it exists.
--
Rob Kelk
Sticks and stones can break your bones,
But words can break your heart.
- unknown
Rob Kelk
Sticks and stones can break your bones,
But words can break your heart.
- unknown