[I/OOC][WIP][STORY][Season 1][RFC] Less Than

[robkelk]

Labster
I'm just going to say that one of the reasons that this has been slow for me to read is the amount of cringe in some chapters.

In this case, I'm defining "cringe" as "stuff you would see someone write on LinkedIn."

TroublesomeCorvid
*Blinks* Okay. I was NOT expecting THAT.

Labster
haha

I'm thinking of this one: https://trungphan.substack.com/p/why-is-...cringe?s=r

two main types: the humblebrag, and the received wisdom.

What even is Benjamin Rhodes? she thought to herself. How is it that someone who is just a mere mortal man could have learned this kind of wisdom? What in the names of all the Gods forged this person? How can he so easily refute the dichotomy that I thought mattered so much? And in such a way that he makes me understand why it is so flawed?

This paragraph hit all the Mary Sue flags for me. It made me cringe a little, which took me out of the story.

I have to agree with Labster here. You've got a major celestial being who's existed for millennia doubting the core of her very existence after a few weeks of knowing your SI.

So far, I've been letting the "everybody loves Benjamin" effect slide because deconstruction does require some setup... but it's looking like you're never going to get around to doing the deconstruction of "everybody loves the SI". Heck, you've even got Accelerator liking Benjamin, for no apparent reason, and in canon the only person who Accelerator likes (as opposed to tolerates) other than himself is Last Order.

There has to be somebody out there who doesn't think Benjamin is the greatest thing since sliced bread. For that matter, there has to be somebody out there who isn't an enemy who actually dislikes Benjamin. (That dislike doesn't need to be the same as the Rob/Sebastian dynamic, of course).

We can paper over a lot of the "everybody loves the SI" effect by blaming Drosselmeyer, of course... but that has its own issues.


"Benjamin gave me a stern talking-to," admitted Minako. "And he's one-hundred-per-cent right. I really shouldn't be selfish this way. But I'm still scared."

Makoto sighed dreamily. "Benjamin reminds me of my sempai..."

Ami gasped in shock. "Will the two of you listen to yourselves? Benjamin is human and flawed, not the second coming of Endymion!"

"That isn't what you were saying about Benjamin during the Christmas party..."

"Rei, my emotions were being controlled during the Christmas party! Yes, I thought Benjamin was a paragon of humanity back then, but I was also thinking that I wanted to give myself to Rob and damn the consequences. I can't trust anything I was feeling back then!"

Labster
There's nothing wrong with talking about child sexuality. It's a topic that must exist, but it's become taboo -- even as talking about other forms of sexuality became common.

There's only so much that I can talk about here, due to the laws in Canada being different from the laws in the USA. About all I can contribute here are the purely mechanical bits about whether such activities are medically safe for the participants at various stages of physical development.