I spotted some errors that were missed in pre-read.
You apparently forgot to italicize "Black Lagoon" in these two spots. You remember to do it a few lines later so I know you know ship names should be in italics.
Okay, Grammarly apparently doesn't like "twintails" but the error I spotted was "exemplified." It seems like the wrong word for what you want here. Maybe you were going for "emphasized"?
And again in the omake, "Black Lagoon" should be in italics.
(05-11-2023, 03:25 PM)Labster Wrote: Inside her cabin aboard the Black Lagoon, a woman cleaning her pistols sneezed.
As the salaryman helped everyone climb aboard, he said, "We apologize for the delay in finding you. My name is Rokuro Okajima, but you can call me Rock. This is Benny, and Dutch. Welcome aboard the Black Lagoon – and welcome to the year 2016."
You apparently forgot to italicize "Black Lagoon" in these two spots. You remember to do it a few lines later so I know you know ship names should be in italics.
(05-11-2023, 03:25 PM)Labster Wrote: She was dealing with the downside of pale skin, as exemplified by her twintails of orangish-red hair.
Okay, Grammarly apparently doesn't like "twintails" but the error I spotted was "exemplified." It seems like the wrong word for what you want here. Maybe you were going for "emphasized"?
(05-11-2023, 03:25 PM)Labster Wrote: Most everyone wondered back to their rooms to consider everything they'd learned tonight.Common autocorrupt error: "wondered" should be "wandered."
And again in the omake, "Black Lagoon" should be in italics.