simulacrum (D&D housecat): I Think My Cat Wants to Kill Me by Doris Knight(?)

[classicdrogn]

Questionmark because the track is purportedly an AI restoration of a 1940s record, but I don't know enough about music history (nor am curious enough to google it at the moment) to say whether that's true.


link

(lyrics in description)

Simply enough, this song calls up the simulacrum of what appears to be a common housecat, but which has fighting abilities capable of killing 3-4 normal human civilians per six seconds. Doug rarely needs to do anything like that and generally has better options if he does, but the cat is also agile and tough enough to make a good distraction against more durable foes, and can respawn up to eight times if destroyed as long as there's still time left in the song. It's also cute and fluffy, and under Doug's control more willing to let a stranger hug and pet it than most real cats if he needs to distract a comfort someone while taking care of business.

More importantly, it lets him actually pull the old gag where a lookout hears something and investigates, but only finds a cat rustling around in the garbage cans or whatever, without using up a less situationally specific song.