OK, this isn't dialogue, but no other thread seems to fit particularly better....
What I have here is the description for a spell designed IAW Dungeons and Dragons 2nd Edition. I envisioned it as created by a Bard. I'm curious as to whether anyone strongly disagrees with my belief that it would pass most reasonable DMs' sanity tests.
I originally came up with this when I imagined the Bard intercepting the report of a spy hostile to a country the Bard favored. He could substitute something misleading, such as "the target is wholly unprepared to fight us, and it'd be safe to postpone attacking them for at least a year while striking at someone else" – whereas in reality, the nation being spied upon had realized the danger posed by the spy's aggressive land, and was swiftly working to improve its readiness. The spell could also frame a foreign dignitary by producing an incriminating document, especially if the Bard can forge the victim's handwriting. And, of course, it might serve less baleful purposes, such as initially courting a fair maiden from afar....
It amused me to use "Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow!" as the verbal component for a spell granting literacy (even if only temporarily).
What I have here is the description for a spell designed IAW Dungeons and Dragons 2nd Edition. I envisioned it as created by a Bard. I'm curious as to whether anyone strongly disagrees with my belief that it would pass most reasonable DMs' sanity tests.
Quote:The 5th-Level Translated Text spell enables the caster to briefly (two rounds per level) write in a language in which he’s not normally literate (and needn’t necessarily be able to speak, either). The material component is a highest-quality sheet of parchment or, better still, paper, never written on or otherwise marked before the spell’s caster copied thereon, with finely-made ink, a full sentence in the desired tongue, no less than nine words long. He must make his component rather than buying one made by someone else, which would be wholly useless to him. Use of paper rather than parchment improves the likelihood of spell success by +2. In similar though opposite manner, using (presumably by mistake) a palimpsest increases by 10% the danger of the spell not just failing, but fumbling.
Prior to making the component, he has to cast Comprehend Languages (the Bard’s ability to work out the meaning of unfamiliar writings isn’t precise enough) to read the text in which the sentence to be duplicated occurs, so that he knows the gist and context of that sentence, not just what the letters look like. Even so, its words needn’t have anything to do with his intended topic. The writing style also isn’t required to match that which he seeks to produce: the driest legal brief, or the order for an execution, so long as it isn’t muddled with numerous flaws of grammar and spelling, grants appropriate vocabulary to write for any purpose … even to pen an ardent, eloquent love letter. Vice versa, as well; a quote from Omar Khayyam’s original Rubaiyat would let him inscribe, for example, a military operations order in Farsi. Whatever he writes will carry no magical persuasiveness, but articulate use of language should favorably impress those readers who don’t take pride in being uncultured.
This component can have been prepared even years in advance, if the spell-user suspected he’d someday need that tongue. He may well carry quite a few such, taking in a variety of languages, each sheet in a separate labeled envelope. A used component will burst into flames, beginning five seconds after the casting’s completion (“This component will self-destruct…”), so it should be placed well away from things vulnerable to ignition.
While speaking the incantation’s first four words, “Sphinx of black quartz…” the caster brushes his pen’s non-writing end across the material component. He then brushes it over the page on which he means to write the translated text as he utters the final three words, “…judge my vow!”
If the letters, runes, etc. of the source document aren’t those familiar to the copyist (a user of Roman letters attempting to duplicate Sanskrit text, for example), the proficiency of Artistic Ability: Sketching/Painting or of Calligraphy must be possessed to ensure the reproduction on the component is exact; if not, the hazard of a flaw serious enough to cause spell failure is 67%. The likelihood of success otherwise matches the proficiency check for Forgery, i.e. Dexterity –1. Failure, unless it’s a fumble, will simply make him realize he hasn’t gained the desired literacy, rather than scrawling a garble and thinking it’s satisfactory. Fumbling will cause him to write something humiliatingly incoherent. As mentioned above, the chances of a fumble increase if he inscribed the component on previously used parchment or paper.
I originally came up with this when I imagined the Bard intercepting the report of a spy hostile to a country the Bard favored. He could substitute something misleading, such as "the target is wholly unprepared to fight us, and it'd be safe to postpone attacking them for at least a year while striking at someone else" – whereas in reality, the nation being spied upon had realized the danger posed by the spy's aggressive land, and was swiftly working to improve its readiness. The spell could also frame a foreign dignitary by producing an incriminating document, especially if the Bard can forge the victim's handwriting. And, of course, it might serve less baleful purposes, such as initially courting a fair maiden from afar....
It amused me to use "Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow!" as the verbal component for a spell granting literacy (even if only temporarily).
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"The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that this was some killer weed."
"The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that this was some killer weed."