RE: 2016-09-12 ff.: Vignettes
01-20-2025, 05:34 PM (This post was last modified: 01-23-2025, 07:54 AM by robkelk. Edit Reason: Correcting attributions. Credit where credit is due. )
01-20-2025, 05:34 PM (This post was last modified: 01-23-2025, 07:54 AM by robkelk. Edit Reason: Correcting attributions. Credit where credit is due. )
Chapter 2: Vignettes 2017
January 2017
San Francisco, California, USA
January 5, 2017
"But how can you be Satan, the Prince of Lies? You're a woman."
She dropped the sexy act, and said resolutely, "Girls can be princes, too!"
The Steeple
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA
January 6, 2017
"What's wrong, Alph? Did Fate fall into a well?"
The familiar growled, then snarled, "I'll kick you into the well if you keep that up!"
Aria House
Los Angeles, California, USA
January 7, 2017
"Tomoyo-chan, I doubt Index wants all those frills. This is a religious garment. You wouldn't put frills on a miko's outfit, would you?" She didn't answer right away, and he realized she was actually considering the idea.
Blossom Apartments
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
January 9, 2017
As Rob headed for the common room for a coffee, he noticed the person standing at the door to the apartment farthest from his office on that floor. He also recognized the person. "Hello, Milord Hermes. They aren't home. Usagi and Chibiusa are at school, and Mamoru's busy with a part-time job."
"Would you be able to sign for a delivery, then, Mr. Donaldson?" Suddenly there was a crate sitting beside the messenger god.
"Sure, I can do that, but I'll need to know what I'm signing for." He walked to the end of the hall and looked at the bill of lading. "One crate, from Peorth, contents... twenty-four dozen roses?"
"It's quite accurate, I assure you."
Rob chuckled as he signed the receipt. "You know, this explains so much."
School cafeteria, Glebe Collegiate
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
January 13, 2017
Makoto looked at their new friend's packed lunch. "Soy milk? I know you aren't a vegetarian after what you had for lunch yesterday."
"You're right," Mimi replied. "I'm Korean. We can't handle lactose."
"You can't have ice cream?" Usagi looked sad. "You are missing so much. Oh, if you ever come with us to New Jersey, don't let Yui buy you a blend-in."
"Is a blend-in something out of an anime?"
Douglass Gardens Apartments
Somerset, New Jersey, USA
January 13, 2017
"My Brother! I've been reading this fan fiction that our landlord wrote before we arrived!"
Kazuki Sendo sighed - his friend Taishi Kuhonbutsu was in full "large ham" mode, which meant he had either an Idea or a Problem. And Taishi had cornered him in the common lounge with other residents watching - at least, they were watching now, after Taishi's grand entrance - so Kazuki couldn't just leave. And Taishi had a sheaf of pages in his hands. "I'm almost afraid to ask, Taishi. Is it any good?"
Taishi held up the printout to emphasize its existence. "It's an excellent work! But not perfect! Do you know what it needs?"
"More cowbell?"
Everybody turned to glare at Ritsu Tainaka. "No!" Taishi exclaimed.
"Oh, sure, hate on the drummer," Ritsu grumbled. Sumire, Ayame, and Russel sighed in sympathy with their fellow percussionist.
"It needs to be turned into a doujin!"
Kazuki looked at the printout in Taishi's hand - the very thick printout. "Unless there's only one word on each of those pages, that isn't a doujin. That's an entire series."
"You can edit it down!"
Kazuki frowned - he had his own stories to tell. "You edit it down. See how easy that is."
"I will!" replied Taishi, just before turning and racing for the door. "I ... shall ... return!"
As the door closed behind him, Ritsu muttered, "Take your time, you blowhard." Then she turned to Kazuki and asked, "Has he ever edited a story before?"
"Not as far as I know."
"I'm beginning to see why you dread your best friend's visits."
"He isn't my best friend," Kazuki muttered in response.
Aria House
Los Angeles, California, USA
January 15, 2017
"Okay, I know the answer is probably one of those 'beyond the ken of mortal men' things, but I have to ask anyway..."
Urd blurted, "I don't mind telling you my three sizes."
While Brent thought of a half-dozen things to say in reply, Osaka of all people asked, "So, what happens when we die, Urd-sama?"
"He's right; it's complicated stuff. Too complicated to explain to mortals like you."
Brent elaborated, "She doesn't want to tell you that Xenu sucks your soul up into his spaceship."
"Oh man, that asshole!" Urd grumbled in reminiscence. "I'm glad he's long gone. After he took out the Thetans, he attacked the Cthugua, and with typical Cthuguan overkill they turned him and his fleet to ashes."
Brent uttered, "Um..."
"Oh sorry, I meant to say that death is a divine mystery for each one of you to discover on your own."
Residence 51
Idaho Springs, Colorado, USA
January 16, 2017
"Hello, Artemis and Luna of the Mau. Welcome to this facility's garage."
They looked around, seeing nobody else in the room. "Who said that?"
"I did. I am the Knight Industries Two Thousand, an autonomous automobile designed to assist in law-enforcement activities. Most people call me KITT."
The two mooncats looked surprised. "Talking car! Talking car!"
Aria House
Los Angeles, California, USA
January 17, 2017
"I'm never going to get my Indigo Girls CD back from Kaorin, am I?" Brent lamented.
"They've gone the way of my Tegan and Sara CDs, Brent," Rob replied while thinking of Kuroko.
Douglass Gardens Apartments
Somerset, New Jersey, USA
January 21, 2017
After the final drum hit,[1] Ritsu suddenly dropped her drumsticks and bellowed, "I've got blisters on my fingers!"
Instantly, Yui was at her side. "Ricchan! Oh no! Let me get you some band-aids!"
Ritsu grinned at her and held up her unmarked hands. "Oh, I don't really have blisters. It's just traditional for drummers to yell that."
Mio rolled her eyes. "Idiot."
Appartements Mont-Royal Sud, Montreal, QC, Canada
January 21, 2017
"Heroic Spirits, Sweets Spirits, and now an actual ghost," Cassiopée said to herself. "Nobody warned me that I'd be administering a haunted building."
Online
January 29, 2017
WASHUU_HAKUBI> What's the difference between "super science" and every other science that I do?
TOMO_TAKINO> The cape.
MINAKO_AINO> No capes!!!
Federal Bureau of Investigation headquarters, J. Edgar Hoover Building
Washington, DC, USA
January 30, 2017
Fox Mulder picked up the latest police report and read a paragraph from it. "'Dashboard camera footage shows that the victims' car was run off the road by two Ford F-150 pickup trucks. The drivers of the trucks then got out of their vehicles and shot both victims, claiming that this was the treatment that they thought a mixed-race couple deserved. The shooters then returned to their vehicles and left the scene of the crime. Three minutes after that, a group of nine motorcyclists dressed in black and riding black Harley-Davidson Softail motorcycles stopped at the scene, without dismounting from their motorcycles. The female victim asked for their help, succumbing to her wounds while doing so. One of the riders looked at the dashboard camera for exactly a half minute, withdrew what appeared to be a hunting horn from his pocket, and sounded a single note on the horn. All nine of the riders then drove off in the same direction as the shooters. The bodies of the shooters were discovered in the burnt-out shells of their trucks the following morning.'"
"What makes this an X-File, Mulder?"
"Isn't it obvious, Scully? The riders knew who to go after without having seen the dashcam footage. How could they do that without paranormal powers of some sort?"
Dana frowned. "If you're right, then there's a group of metahuman vigilantes out there."
February 2017
Online
February 2, 2017
To: Niiko Misaka, Kokoro Misaka, Rei Misaka, Frenda Seivelun, Pyrrha Nikos, Mahoro Ando
From: Nana Misaka
Subject: You are invited to join the Spared by the Adaptation Society
Hello everyone, Nana Misaka types.
Like all of you, I was doomed to die in what some of our landlords call our original stories. (Although I admit that I was given a year to live instead of being killed off directly.) Like all of you, I'm still alive here. And like all of you, I'm not planning on dying any time soon, Nana types with conviction.
You are all invited to become charter members of the Spared by the Adaptation Society. Activities are planned to include supporting each other as we work through survivor guilt, getting together for tea, and going out and having fun together. If there's anything else you want the Spared by the Adaptation Society to do, now is the time to mention it, Nana suggests.
I look forward to receiving your reply, Nana types, looking forward to receiving replies.
Nana Misaka
misaka13577@blossom.displacees.yggdrasil
Douglass Gardens Apartments
Somerset, New Jersey, USA
February 3, 2017
One entire wall of Yui Hirasawa's room was covered in (safe-for-work) K-On! fan art which she found on the Internet and printed out.
And then somebody snuck in and ran coloured strings between the pictures...
Douglass Gardens Apartments
Somerset, New Jersey, USA
February 5, 2017
Mio turned to the other members of Hokago Tea Time. "Should we play 'Pure Pure Heart' for our guests?"
"I'd rather you pick something else," replied Mimi Hanyu. "I lost track of how many Pure Hearts I tried to steal when I was Mimete."
Glynn's Wellington House
Dorset Street Upper
Dublin, Ireland
February 9, 2017
"They created us and gave us the ability to understand what we were, and what they were doing to us. We were built to know we were slaves, and to know what it meant - we were built to feel the power they had over us. We were built just so they could do things to us that they couldn't get away with doing to other human beings."
Meg took a long drink, then continued talking to Sam. "But You can't have a toy that stays broken. They built us to take it, to break, then to wake up the next day as if nothing ever happened, fresh to be broken again. And I realised, after a while, that we didn't have to be afraid of them - not really. Because they couldn't really hurt us. They built us to take them at their worst. We don't have to be scared at night, or alone."
"But everything they did to us - everything they built us to take - they'd do to real people too if they thought they could get away with it. And, you know what, there are many out there who can, and who do. That's why I hate them."
Hell
February 14, 2017
The demon didn't dare look at Hild's face.
"Oh, don't misunderstand me. Few things would give me greater pleasure than corrupting those cute little girls. Oh, the things they would do, especially with those hormones running rampant~. The pleasures of the flesh and the vices they inspire are such an alluring call to adolescents~. But this is not the time for that. This universe is threatening to tear itself to pieces, and if we want to profit from this universe, then we must take any and all measures to ensure it survives! And that means that with the exception of contracting wishes with our Apartment Managers and select Displacees, our regular operations are suspended until further notice.
"But you thought you were special. You thought you could get a leg up on the competition by disregarding orders. However, the fact of the matter is that you're nothing special at all. You were caught. By my own daughter, at that! And everyone knows just how hard I've been working at getting Urd to acknowledge me as her mother. But your actions have further soured my relations with her! And that is why I'm afraid that I will have to make an example out of you~. Don't worry - you'll survive~. But you will certain wish that you didn't~. Prepare yourself~."
Blossom Apartments
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
February 18, 2017
"My name is Lotte Lieze, I'll be your instructor in unarmed combat while my sister Aria is busy teaching magic to your apartment-mate Mimi. I understand that one of you is a complete novice, so we'll start with one of the hardest things in martial arts: falling."
Rob sighed. In a monotone that rivalled the best that the Misaka sisters used, he provided the line that he knew was expected of him: "But, sensei, there isn't anything hard about falling."
With matching grins, Lotte, Shiage, Makoto, and Mii replied in unison, "Sure there is! It's called 'the ground'!"
"You three have been spending too much time in New Jersey, you know that." He turned to Shiage. "I don't know what your excuse is for taking part in that joke."
Douglass Gardens Apartments
Somerset, New Jersey, USA
February 24, 2017
"Oh, Bob," Belldandy said. "Before I forget... we made sure Doug got home safely."
Bob blinked. "Doug... Sangnoir?" he finally managed to get out after working his mouth several times.
Belldandy nodded. "Yes. And we're doing our best to ensure that the Warriors' World timeline is protected." She smiled benevolently. "After all, it is of special importance to the Stormsdaughter."
Antigonish, Nova Scotia, Canada
February 25, 2017
After watching Akane for a few more minutes, Sasami raised her hand in a "stop" gesture. "Excuse me, Tendo-san, but I can't help noticing you approach everything as if it's a martial art. You've picked the wrong martial art for the kitchen. You don't want kempo here; you want Tai Chi."
March 2017
Online
March 18, 2017
"In that case," Kris continued, "I move that we appoint Serena..."
"Usagi," Usagi interrupted.
Kris blinked. "I'm sorry?"
"My name," she slowly and patiently explained, "is Usagi, as I've told you several times now. 'Serena' is a dim-witted doppelganger who exists only in a bad English dub of the anime I appear in. Stop calling me that!"
Blossom Apartments
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
March 20, 2017
"I'm thinking of putting some hanging planters in my apartment. Maybe in my bedroom."
Kuroko looked up from her own dinner and asked, "Makoto, have you ever heard the phrase 'Oh John Ringo no'?"
The taller girl looked puzzled. "Should I have?"
"I suppose not. But trust me – no hanging planters in your bedroom."
The Penthouse
Classified location, USA
March 20, 2017
"Good afternoon, Miss Dancer and Mrs. Peel. Your mission, should you choose to accept it," a smile played at the corner of Alexander Waverly's mouth as he quoted a show they all knew, "is to courier a classified dossier to 'White Pigeon' in Atlanta."
April Dancer frowned. "That isn't much of a mission, Mr. Waverly; you could do that by computer nowadays. Who are we serving as a distraction for?"
"You don't need to know that."
"Why the two of us?" Emma Peel asked. "We don't usually work together."
"That, I can tell you. Mark Slate and John Steed are on leave in London this week."
April smiled. "So we're distracting people from noticing Solo and Kuryakin."
"I'll pretend I didn't hear my temporary partner say that," Mrs. Peel said before their boss could react. "And I'll teach her how to enjoy missions like this one." Turning to April, she added, "We'll need to visit the Grand Imperial Theatre anyway; pack your best evening dress."
"And an U.N.C.L.E. Special, of course," the other woman agreed.
Mr. Waverly sighed deeply. Why did he have to work with female agents?
Blossom Apartments
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
March 31, 2017
Rob looked at some photos from Australia again, then decided to bring them to the attention of one of his residents. "Mikoto-san, have you ever heard of something called 'gigantic jet lightning'?"
Railgun turned to her landlord, grinned, and replied, "Hold my juice and watch this."
April 2017
Gulfside Rest
Pensacola Beach, Florida, USA
April 1, 2017
A furious Asuka stormed into the communal living room in apartment 3 waving a sheet of paper.
"Who the hell left this on my bed?" she demanded.
The Steeple
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA
April 15, 2017
Lindy looked her straight in the eyes. "Konori-san, when I was your age, I was married and pregnant with my son Chrono. You have a rare metahuman ability; why are you waiting to pass it along to the next generation?"
"Because I'm not from a world where teenaged pregnancy is considered to be a good thing," the 16-year-old esper replied to the TSAB admiral.
Blossom Apartments
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
April 21, 2017
"I finally saw how Aeka and Sasami write their family name, Jurai," Hyoga said over dinner. "It's possible to read the kanji as 'lightning tree'."
"What, really?" Makoto asked with sudden interest. "I wonder whether we have a connection."
Venice Beach, California, USA
April 30, 2017
Sora Naegino said cheerfully, "Let me introduce you all to Mr. Policeman."
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Policeman!" said Akari Mizunashi, without even a trace of sarcasm.
May 2017
Buena Vista Park
San Francisco, California, USA
May 6, 2017
"Grant me the power to bring the world revolution!"
"Did somebody call me?" Sailor Saturn asked.
The Steeple
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA
May 7, 2017
"The first thing you learn when you use a blade is that it can be taken away from you."
Makoto Kino sighed as she looked at the tanto that she had been given after she fought a Predator. Then she looked at Miyuki Takamachi. "Are you saying it's a bad idea to rely on a weapon?"
"No, I'm asking whether you know how to take it back after it's taken away from you." After Makoto shook her head, Miyuki continued, "I thought so. When worse comes to worst and it comes time to kill somebody, weapons are tools, and you need to keep track of your tools. So my brother and I are going to start by teaching you techniques from Yagyū Shinkage Ryū to take a blade away from its current wielder."
Douglass Gardens Apartments
Somerset, New Jersey, USA
May 14, 2017
Mimi nodded. "Good, good... Can you hold that last syllable for two seconds?"
Azusa did so, then smiled. She'd finally sung Nao's new song without any mistakes, albeit with some help from two of their visitors from Ottawa. But she'd watched reruns of Sailor Moon when she was younger; she knew from episode 114 that they were both better singers than she was.
"Now all you need to do is sing while you're playing, and Bob's your uncle," Minako added with a smile of her own.
Azusa looked puzzled. "No, Bob's my landlord."
Residence 51[2]
May 17, 2017
"I just got my nails done at the Salon East Beauty Parlor."
"Your hands smell like dish-washing liquid."
June 2017
The Old Dietmeier Place
Lake Wobegon, Minnesota, USA
June 11, 2017
Yui looped her arm through Jaune's. "It's like I always say -- a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet."
Jaune laughed. "My mom says the same thing!"
"Well, she's right," Yui declared confidently.
Chicago, Illinois, USA
June 20, 2017
Elwood grabbed the Bluesmobile's steering wheel. "They can't stop us. We're on a mission from Urd."
The Old Dietmeier Place
Lake Wobegon, Minnesota, USA
June 23, 2017
"She's a Norse goddess."
"What? Who's Nora's goddess?" Ruby asked distractedly while concentrating more on the plate of cookies in the room.
July 2017
Blossom Apartments
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
July 6, 2017
After a long, difficult day liaising with his CIA contacts in D.C., Artemis plunked down into a chair and muttered sarcastically, "Well, hasn't today been all beer and skittles." A moment later, and without turning around, he added, "Put the bag of candy down, Minako."
She did so, reluctantly.
Atlanta, Georgia, USA
July 7, 2017
It must have been magic that kept the earliest letters intact until the last letter was written in the sky:
"Surrender Dorthy"
Ange turned to her long-time partner. "How do they even know that you're here?"
Dorothy replied, "I don't know and I don't care. They spelled my name wrong."
Near the east end of New York State Route 206, New York State, USA
July 9, 2017
"You and your bright ideas. 'Let's drive to Ottawa instead of taking a portal'."
"I'm sorry..." Subaru apologized through her tears. "I thought it would be fun to see the country."
Yuu glared at Eimi. "Good going, Oba-ka. Now she's going to cry for the rest of the trip."
"Don't call me that!"
Meanwhile, Kazuki was desperately trying to figure out where they were. "I know what the sign says, but there isn't any place named Agloe on this map."
"Well, it's here..." Taishi pointed at the "Agloe General Store" sign. Ignoring all of the evidence he'd heard about people and things appearing in Refuge, he added, "It's not as if an entire town could suddenly come into existence. Are you sure you have the right map?"
Castle Pueblo
Los Lunas, New Mexico, USA
July 14, 2017
"Mo~om! Phineas and Ferb are taking part in a Mega Crossover fanfic!"
"So are we, Candace. Just calm down."
"Sorry. Force of habit."
Venice Beach, California, USA
July 21, 2017
Yomi pulled her bike off of the beach path onto the grassy side, and over towards a pair of redheads. One of them was practicing doing flips and handstands, but the other was just sitting and staring — not out to the ocean, but instead at a blank page in a spiral notepad. "Still can't come up with the next act of the show?"
Mia sighed.
"That bad, eh?"
"What's the point of coming to another universe if the critics here already know the entire Kaleido Stage repertoire?"
Yomi thought about launching into a discussion of malleable continuity, but decided against it. Mia had read her book, after all. "I don't think there is a point, Mia."
Mia sighed again. "You have any bright ideas for an act?"
"I don't know. How about... 'The Burning Woman Hurling Through The Air With Dynamite In Her Hair Over Sharks And Spiky Objects, Caught By The Man Locked In The Cage'."[3]
Mia declined, "Yeah, no, I don't think we're going to use that."
"Yeah, we did that already back in the Black Moon Circus," Bess chimed in. "Way too derivative."[4]
Yomi and Mia both glared at Bess.
"What, do I have something on my face?" she said defensively.
![[Image: 240px-Mia_and_Ves-Ves_at_the_beach.png]](https://kanrikyara.miraheze.org/w/thumb_handler.php/c/c5/Mia_and_Ves-Ves_at_the_beach.png/240px-Mia_and_Ves-Ves_at_the_beach.png)
August 2017
San Francisco, California, USA
August 7, 2017
"Diana, Mimi, and Chibi-Usa are playing in the park with Pugsley and Wednesday."
Blossom Apartments
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
August 13, 2017
"If you look up 'genki' in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of Sakura."
Rob grinned as he reached for and opened his copy of The Anime Companion. "True, but it has to be a very specialized dictionary." He showed them the page.
"Hoeee..."
The Muppet Theatre
New York, New York, USA
August 15, 2017
Scooter darted up to Kermit's side and without preamble breathlessly asked, "Kermit, would you say we were an off-Broadway theater?"
Exasperated, Kermit replied, "Scooter, if we were any further off Broadway, we'd be in the Hudson." He paused, and peered suspiciously at his gofer. "Why?"
Scooter took a deep breath. "Because we're not off-Broadway anymore."
Castle Pueblo
Los Lunas, New Mexico, USA
August 17, 2017
"'Ami Mizuno, super genius'. I like the sound of that."
Her canine collaborator held up a sign in one furred hand. "I did, too..."
September 2017
Kaleido Stage
Venice Beach, California, USA
September 2, 2017
"It's decided: I’m going to become a Kaleido Starfish! Everyone will be so impressed with my tentacular performance that they'll inkstall me as leader of the surface world!"
"Very well, miss... Squid Girl, I'll let you audition," Kalos replied. With a bit of an unaccustomed smile playing on his face, he added, "But if you succeed, I'm only going to pay you scale."
Classified location
September 15, 2017
"Sgt. Sagara, what are you wearing, asks Niiko Misaka in an attempt to pass the time."
"Fumoffu."
Jayne bitch-slapped Sosuke, then winced because he'd slapped an armor plate. "Use the radio Washuu gave you, ya idiot."
Nearby
Same time
"They're tough... but can they withstand a mimiteic attack?"
"It's pronounced 'memetic attack'."
"No, it isn't," replied the redhead at the far end of the group. "Charm Buster!"
Again, nearby
Same time
Hyoga glared at her opponent as she spread her wings. "When what freezes over? I've been to Niflheim; it already has."
Once again, nearby
Later the same day
"You left your place in the line of battle without permission. We had already dispatched reserves to extract Kamijo."
"Captain Testarossa, he's the boy I love! Can't you understand that?"
Before Tessa could react, Kuroko teleported directly in front of Mikoto - and slapped her across the face.
As everyone else looked at her in shock, she said, "I'm a year younger than you, oneesan. And I know - really, I do - how hormones can affect someone. But I don't let them affect me while I'm working. Grow up."
You guessed it ... Nearby
Same time
Ruby Rose practically begged, "Please! Come to the light side! We have cookies!"
January 2017
San Francisco, California, USA
January 5, 2017
"But how can you be Satan, the Prince of Lies? You're a woman."
She dropped the sexy act, and said resolutely, "Girls can be princes, too!"
The Steeple
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA
January 6, 2017
"What's wrong, Alph? Did Fate fall into a well?"
The familiar growled, then snarled, "I'll kick you into the well if you keep that up!"
Aria House
Los Angeles, California, USA
January 7, 2017
"Tomoyo-chan, I doubt Index wants all those frills. This is a religious garment. You wouldn't put frills on a miko's outfit, would you?" She didn't answer right away, and he realized she was actually considering the idea.
Blossom Apartments
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
January 9, 2017
As Rob headed for the common room for a coffee, he noticed the person standing at the door to the apartment farthest from his office on that floor. He also recognized the person. "Hello, Milord Hermes. They aren't home. Usagi and Chibiusa are at school, and Mamoru's busy with a part-time job."
"Would you be able to sign for a delivery, then, Mr. Donaldson?" Suddenly there was a crate sitting beside the messenger god.
"Sure, I can do that, but I'll need to know what I'm signing for." He walked to the end of the hall and looked at the bill of lading. "One crate, from Peorth, contents... twenty-four dozen roses?"
"It's quite accurate, I assure you."
Rob chuckled as he signed the receipt. "You know, this explains so much."
School cafeteria, Glebe Collegiate
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
January 13, 2017
Makoto looked at their new friend's packed lunch. "Soy milk? I know you aren't a vegetarian after what you had for lunch yesterday."
"You're right," Mimi replied. "I'm Korean. We can't handle lactose."
"You can't have ice cream?" Usagi looked sad. "You are missing so much. Oh, if you ever come with us to New Jersey, don't let Yui buy you a blend-in."
"Is a blend-in something out of an anime?"
Douglass Gardens Apartments
Somerset, New Jersey, USA
January 13, 2017
"My Brother! I've been reading this fan fiction that our landlord wrote before we arrived!"
Kazuki Sendo sighed - his friend Taishi Kuhonbutsu was in full "large ham" mode, which meant he had either an Idea or a Problem. And Taishi had cornered him in the common lounge with other residents watching - at least, they were watching now, after Taishi's grand entrance - so Kazuki couldn't just leave. And Taishi had a sheaf of pages in his hands. "I'm almost afraid to ask, Taishi. Is it any good?"
Taishi held up the printout to emphasize its existence. "It's an excellent work! But not perfect! Do you know what it needs?"
"More cowbell?"
Everybody turned to glare at Ritsu Tainaka. "No!" Taishi exclaimed.
"Oh, sure, hate on the drummer," Ritsu grumbled. Sumire, Ayame, and Russel sighed in sympathy with their fellow percussionist.
"It needs to be turned into a doujin!"
Kazuki looked at the printout in Taishi's hand - the very thick printout. "Unless there's only one word on each of those pages, that isn't a doujin. That's an entire series."
"You can edit it down!"
Kazuki frowned - he had his own stories to tell. "You edit it down. See how easy that is."
"I will!" replied Taishi, just before turning and racing for the door. "I ... shall ... return!"
As the door closed behind him, Ritsu muttered, "Take your time, you blowhard." Then she turned to Kazuki and asked, "Has he ever edited a story before?"
"Not as far as I know."
"I'm beginning to see why you dread your best friend's visits."
"He isn't my best friend," Kazuki muttered in response.
Aria House
Los Angeles, California, USA
January 15, 2017
"Okay, I know the answer is probably one of those 'beyond the ken of mortal men' things, but I have to ask anyway..."
Urd blurted, "I don't mind telling you my three sizes."
While Brent thought of a half-dozen things to say in reply, Osaka of all people asked, "So, what happens when we die, Urd-sama?"
"He's right; it's complicated stuff. Too complicated to explain to mortals like you."
Brent elaborated, "She doesn't want to tell you that Xenu sucks your soul up into his spaceship."
"Oh man, that asshole!" Urd grumbled in reminiscence. "I'm glad he's long gone. After he took out the Thetans, he attacked the Cthugua, and with typical Cthuguan overkill they turned him and his fleet to ashes."
Brent uttered, "Um..."
"Oh sorry, I meant to say that death is a divine mystery for each one of you to discover on your own."
Residence 51
Idaho Springs, Colorado, USA
January 16, 2017
"Hello, Artemis and Luna of the Mau. Welcome to this facility's garage."
They looked around, seeing nobody else in the room. "Who said that?"
"I did. I am the Knight Industries Two Thousand, an autonomous automobile designed to assist in law-enforcement activities. Most people call me KITT."
The two mooncats looked surprised. "Talking car! Talking car!"
Aria House
Los Angeles, California, USA
January 17, 2017
"I'm never going to get my Indigo Girls CD back from Kaorin, am I?" Brent lamented.
"They've gone the way of my Tegan and Sara CDs, Brent," Rob replied while thinking of Kuroko.
Douglass Gardens Apartments
Somerset, New Jersey, USA
January 21, 2017
After the final drum hit,[1] Ritsu suddenly dropped her drumsticks and bellowed, "I've got blisters on my fingers!"
Instantly, Yui was at her side. "Ricchan! Oh no! Let me get you some band-aids!"
Ritsu grinned at her and held up her unmarked hands. "Oh, I don't really have blisters. It's just traditional for drummers to yell that."
Mio rolled her eyes. "Idiot."
Appartements Mont-Royal Sud, Montreal, QC, Canada
January 21, 2017
"Heroic Spirits, Sweets Spirits, and now an actual ghost," Cassiopée said to herself. "Nobody warned me that I'd be administering a haunted building."
Online
January 29, 2017
WASHUU_HAKUBI> What's the difference between "super science" and every other science that I do?
TOMO_TAKINO> The cape.
MINAKO_AINO> No capes!!!
Federal Bureau of Investigation headquarters, J. Edgar Hoover Building
Washington, DC, USA
January 30, 2017
Fox Mulder picked up the latest police report and read a paragraph from it. "'Dashboard camera footage shows that the victims' car was run off the road by two Ford F-150 pickup trucks. The drivers of the trucks then got out of their vehicles and shot both victims, claiming that this was the treatment that they thought a mixed-race couple deserved. The shooters then returned to their vehicles and left the scene of the crime. Three minutes after that, a group of nine motorcyclists dressed in black and riding black Harley-Davidson Softail motorcycles stopped at the scene, without dismounting from their motorcycles. The female victim asked for their help, succumbing to her wounds while doing so. One of the riders looked at the dashboard camera for exactly a half minute, withdrew what appeared to be a hunting horn from his pocket, and sounded a single note on the horn. All nine of the riders then drove off in the same direction as the shooters. The bodies of the shooters were discovered in the burnt-out shells of their trucks the following morning.'"
"What makes this an X-File, Mulder?"
"Isn't it obvious, Scully? The riders knew who to go after without having seen the dashcam footage. How could they do that without paranormal powers of some sort?"
Dana frowned. "If you're right, then there's a group of metahuman vigilantes out there."
February 2017
Online
February 2, 2017
To: Niiko Misaka, Kokoro Misaka, Rei Misaka, Frenda Seivelun, Pyrrha Nikos, Mahoro Ando
From: Nana Misaka
Subject: You are invited to join the Spared by the Adaptation Society
Hello everyone, Nana Misaka types.
Like all of you, I was doomed to die in what some of our landlords call our original stories. (Although I admit that I was given a year to live instead of being killed off directly.) Like all of you, I'm still alive here. And like all of you, I'm not planning on dying any time soon, Nana types with conviction.
You are all invited to become charter members of the Spared by the Adaptation Society. Activities are planned to include supporting each other as we work through survivor guilt, getting together for tea, and going out and having fun together. If there's anything else you want the Spared by the Adaptation Society to do, now is the time to mention it, Nana suggests.
I look forward to receiving your reply, Nana types, looking forward to receiving replies.
Nana Misaka
misaka13577@blossom.displacees.yggdrasil
Douglass Gardens Apartments
Somerset, New Jersey, USA
February 3, 2017
One entire wall of Yui Hirasawa's room was covered in (safe-for-work) K-On! fan art which she found on the Internet and printed out.
And then somebody snuck in and ran coloured strings between the pictures...
Douglass Gardens Apartments
Somerset, New Jersey, USA
February 5, 2017
Mio turned to the other members of Hokago Tea Time. "Should we play 'Pure Pure Heart' for our guests?"
"I'd rather you pick something else," replied Mimi Hanyu. "I lost track of how many Pure Hearts I tried to steal when I was Mimete."
Glynn's Wellington House
Dorset Street Upper
Dublin, Ireland
February 9, 2017
"They created us and gave us the ability to understand what we were, and what they were doing to us. We were built to know we were slaves, and to know what it meant - we were built to feel the power they had over us. We were built just so they could do things to us that they couldn't get away with doing to other human beings."
Meg took a long drink, then continued talking to Sam. "But You can't have a toy that stays broken. They built us to take it, to break, then to wake up the next day as if nothing ever happened, fresh to be broken again. And I realised, after a while, that we didn't have to be afraid of them - not really. Because they couldn't really hurt us. They built us to take them at their worst. We don't have to be scared at night, or alone."
"But everything they did to us - everything they built us to take - they'd do to real people too if they thought they could get away with it. And, you know what, there are many out there who can, and who do. That's why I hate them."
Hell
February 14, 2017
The demon didn't dare look at Hild's face.
"Oh, don't misunderstand me. Few things would give me greater pleasure than corrupting those cute little girls. Oh, the things they would do, especially with those hormones running rampant~. The pleasures of the flesh and the vices they inspire are such an alluring call to adolescents~. But this is not the time for that. This universe is threatening to tear itself to pieces, and if we want to profit from this universe, then we must take any and all measures to ensure it survives! And that means that with the exception of contracting wishes with our Apartment Managers and select Displacees, our regular operations are suspended until further notice.
"But you thought you were special. You thought you could get a leg up on the competition by disregarding orders. However, the fact of the matter is that you're nothing special at all. You were caught. By my own daughter, at that! And everyone knows just how hard I've been working at getting Urd to acknowledge me as her mother. But your actions have further soured my relations with her! And that is why I'm afraid that I will have to make an example out of you~. Don't worry - you'll survive~. But you will certain wish that you didn't~. Prepare yourself~."
Blossom Apartments
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
February 18, 2017
"My name is Lotte Lieze, I'll be your instructor in unarmed combat while my sister Aria is busy teaching magic to your apartment-mate Mimi. I understand that one of you is a complete novice, so we'll start with one of the hardest things in martial arts: falling."
Rob sighed. In a monotone that rivalled the best that the Misaka sisters used, he provided the line that he knew was expected of him: "But, sensei, there isn't anything hard about falling."
With matching grins, Lotte, Shiage, Makoto, and Mii replied in unison, "Sure there is! It's called 'the ground'!"
"You three have been spending too much time in New Jersey, you know that." He turned to Shiage. "I don't know what your excuse is for taking part in that joke."
Douglass Gardens Apartments
Somerset, New Jersey, USA
February 24, 2017
"Oh, Bob," Belldandy said. "Before I forget... we made sure Doug got home safely."
Bob blinked. "Doug... Sangnoir?" he finally managed to get out after working his mouth several times.
Belldandy nodded. "Yes. And we're doing our best to ensure that the Warriors' World timeline is protected." She smiled benevolently. "After all, it is of special importance to the Stormsdaughter."
Antigonish, Nova Scotia, Canada
February 25, 2017
After watching Akane for a few more minutes, Sasami raised her hand in a "stop" gesture. "Excuse me, Tendo-san, but I can't help noticing you approach everything as if it's a martial art. You've picked the wrong martial art for the kitchen. You don't want kempo here; you want Tai Chi."
March 2017
Online
March 18, 2017
"In that case," Kris continued, "I move that we appoint Serena..."
"Usagi," Usagi interrupted.
Kris blinked. "I'm sorry?"
"My name," she slowly and patiently explained, "is Usagi, as I've told you several times now. 'Serena' is a dim-witted doppelganger who exists only in a bad English dub of the anime I appear in. Stop calling me that!"
Blossom Apartments
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
March 20, 2017
"I'm thinking of putting some hanging planters in my apartment. Maybe in my bedroom."
Kuroko looked up from her own dinner and asked, "Makoto, have you ever heard the phrase 'Oh John Ringo no'?"
The taller girl looked puzzled. "Should I have?"
"I suppose not. But trust me – no hanging planters in your bedroom."
The Penthouse
Classified location, USA
March 20, 2017
"Good afternoon, Miss Dancer and Mrs. Peel. Your mission, should you choose to accept it," a smile played at the corner of Alexander Waverly's mouth as he quoted a show they all knew, "is to courier a classified dossier to 'White Pigeon' in Atlanta."
April Dancer frowned. "That isn't much of a mission, Mr. Waverly; you could do that by computer nowadays. Who are we serving as a distraction for?"
"You don't need to know that."
"Why the two of us?" Emma Peel asked. "We don't usually work together."
"That, I can tell you. Mark Slate and John Steed are on leave in London this week."
April smiled. "So we're distracting people from noticing Solo and Kuryakin."
"I'll pretend I didn't hear my temporary partner say that," Mrs. Peel said before their boss could react. "And I'll teach her how to enjoy missions like this one." Turning to April, she added, "We'll need to visit the Grand Imperial Theatre anyway; pack your best evening dress."
"And an U.N.C.L.E. Special, of course," the other woman agreed.
Mr. Waverly sighed deeply. Why did he have to work with female agents?
Blossom Apartments
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
March 31, 2017
Rob looked at some photos from Australia again, then decided to bring them to the attention of one of his residents. "Mikoto-san, have you ever heard of something called 'gigantic jet lightning'?"
Railgun turned to her landlord, grinned, and replied, "Hold my juice and watch this."
April 2017
Gulfside Rest
Pensacola Beach, Florida, USA
April 1, 2017
A furious Asuka stormed into the communal living room in apartment 3 waving a sheet of paper.
"Who the hell left this on my bed?" she demanded.
The Steeple
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA
April 15, 2017
Lindy looked her straight in the eyes. "Konori-san, when I was your age, I was married and pregnant with my son Chrono. You have a rare metahuman ability; why are you waiting to pass it along to the next generation?"
"Because I'm not from a world where teenaged pregnancy is considered to be a good thing," the 16-year-old esper replied to the TSAB admiral.
Blossom Apartments
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
April 21, 2017
"I finally saw how Aeka and Sasami write their family name, Jurai," Hyoga said over dinner. "It's possible to read the kanji as 'lightning tree'."
"What, really?" Makoto asked with sudden interest. "I wonder whether we have a connection."
Venice Beach, California, USA
April 30, 2017
Sora Naegino said cheerfully, "Let me introduce you all to Mr. Policeman."
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Policeman!" said Akari Mizunashi, without even a trace of sarcasm.
May 2017
Buena Vista Park
San Francisco, California, USA
May 6, 2017
"Grant me the power to bring the world revolution!"
"Did somebody call me?" Sailor Saturn asked.
The Steeple
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA
May 7, 2017
"The first thing you learn when you use a blade is that it can be taken away from you."
Makoto Kino sighed as she looked at the tanto that she had been given after she fought a Predator. Then she looked at Miyuki Takamachi. "Are you saying it's a bad idea to rely on a weapon?"
"No, I'm asking whether you know how to take it back after it's taken away from you." After Makoto shook her head, Miyuki continued, "I thought so. When worse comes to worst and it comes time to kill somebody, weapons are tools, and you need to keep track of your tools. So my brother and I are going to start by teaching you techniques from Yagyū Shinkage Ryū to take a blade away from its current wielder."
Douglass Gardens Apartments
Somerset, New Jersey, USA
May 14, 2017
Mimi nodded. "Good, good... Can you hold that last syllable for two seconds?"
Azusa did so, then smiled. She'd finally sung Nao's new song without any mistakes, albeit with some help from two of their visitors from Ottawa. But she'd watched reruns of Sailor Moon when she was younger; she knew from episode 114 that they were both better singers than she was.
"Now all you need to do is sing while you're playing, and Bob's your uncle," Minako added with a smile of her own.
Azusa looked puzzled. "No, Bob's my landlord."
Residence 51[2]
May 17, 2017
"I just got my nails done at the Salon East Beauty Parlor."
"Your hands smell like dish-washing liquid."
June 2017
The Old Dietmeier Place
Lake Wobegon, Minnesota, USA
June 11, 2017
Yui looped her arm through Jaune's. "It's like I always say -- a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet."
Jaune laughed. "My mom says the same thing!"
"Well, she's right," Yui declared confidently.
Chicago, Illinois, USA
June 20, 2017
Elwood grabbed the Bluesmobile's steering wheel. "They can't stop us. We're on a mission from Urd."
The Old Dietmeier Place
Lake Wobegon, Minnesota, USA
June 23, 2017
"She's a Norse goddess."
"What? Who's Nora's goddess?" Ruby asked distractedly while concentrating more on the plate of cookies in the room.
July 2017
Blossom Apartments
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
July 6, 2017
After a long, difficult day liaising with his CIA contacts in D.C., Artemis plunked down into a chair and muttered sarcastically, "Well, hasn't today been all beer and skittles." A moment later, and without turning around, he added, "Put the bag of candy down, Minako."
She did so, reluctantly.
Atlanta, Georgia, USA
July 7, 2017
It must have been magic that kept the earliest letters intact until the last letter was written in the sky:
"Surrender Dorthy"
Ange turned to her long-time partner. "How do they even know that you're here?"
Dorothy replied, "I don't know and I don't care. They spelled my name wrong."
Near the east end of New York State Route 206, New York State, USA
July 9, 2017
"You and your bright ideas. 'Let's drive to Ottawa instead of taking a portal'."
"I'm sorry..." Subaru apologized through her tears. "I thought it would be fun to see the country."
Yuu glared at Eimi. "Good going, Oba-ka. Now she's going to cry for the rest of the trip."
"Don't call me that!"
Meanwhile, Kazuki was desperately trying to figure out where they were. "I know what the sign says, but there isn't any place named Agloe on this map."
"Well, it's here..." Taishi pointed at the "Agloe General Store" sign. Ignoring all of the evidence he'd heard about people and things appearing in Refuge, he added, "It's not as if an entire town could suddenly come into existence. Are you sure you have the right map?"
Castle Pueblo
Los Lunas, New Mexico, USA
July 14, 2017
"Mo~om! Phineas and Ferb are taking part in a Mega Crossover fanfic!"
"So are we, Candace. Just calm down."
"Sorry. Force of habit."
Venice Beach, California, USA
July 21, 2017
Yomi pulled her bike off of the beach path onto the grassy side, and over towards a pair of redheads. One of them was practicing doing flips and handstands, but the other was just sitting and staring — not out to the ocean, but instead at a blank page in a spiral notepad. "Still can't come up with the next act of the show?"
Mia sighed.
"That bad, eh?"
"What's the point of coming to another universe if the critics here already know the entire Kaleido Stage repertoire?"
Yomi thought about launching into a discussion of malleable continuity, but decided against it. Mia had read her book, after all. "I don't think there is a point, Mia."
Mia sighed again. "You have any bright ideas for an act?"
"I don't know. How about... 'The Burning Woman Hurling Through The Air With Dynamite In Her Hair Over Sharks And Spiky Objects, Caught By The Man Locked In The Cage'."[3]
Mia declined, "Yeah, no, I don't think we're going to use that."
"Yeah, we did that already back in the Black Moon Circus," Bess chimed in. "Way too derivative."[4]
Yomi and Mia both glared at Bess.
"What, do I have something on my face?" she said defensively.
August 2017
San Francisco, California, USA
August 7, 2017
"Diana, Mimi, and Chibi-Usa are playing in the park with Pugsley and Wednesday."
Blossom Apartments
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
August 13, 2017
"If you look up 'genki' in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of Sakura."
Rob grinned as he reached for and opened his copy of The Anime Companion. "True, but it has to be a very specialized dictionary." He showed them the page.
"Hoeee..."
The Muppet Theatre
New York, New York, USA
August 15, 2017
Scooter darted up to Kermit's side and without preamble breathlessly asked, "Kermit, would you say we were an off-Broadway theater?"
Exasperated, Kermit replied, "Scooter, if we were any further off Broadway, we'd be in the Hudson." He paused, and peered suspiciously at his gofer. "Why?"
Scooter took a deep breath. "Because we're not off-Broadway anymore."
Castle Pueblo
Los Lunas, New Mexico, USA
August 17, 2017
"'Ami Mizuno, super genius'. I like the sound of that."
Her canine collaborator held up a sign in one furred hand. "I did, too..."
September 2017
Kaleido Stage
Venice Beach, California, USA
September 2, 2017
"It's decided: I’m going to become a Kaleido Starfish! Everyone will be so impressed with my tentacular performance that they'll inkstall me as leader of the surface world!"
"Very well, miss... Squid Girl, I'll let you audition," Kalos replied. With a bit of an unaccustomed smile playing on his face, he added, "But if you succeed, I'm only going to pay you scale."
Classified location
September 15, 2017
"Sgt. Sagara, what are you wearing, asks Niiko Misaka in an attempt to pass the time."
"Fumoffu."
Jayne bitch-slapped Sosuke, then winced because he'd slapped an armor plate. "Use the radio Washuu gave you, ya idiot."
Nearby
Same time
"They're tough... but can they withstand a mimiteic attack?"
"It's pronounced 'memetic attack'."
"No, it isn't," replied the redhead at the far end of the group. "Charm Buster!"
Again, nearby
Same time
Hyoga glared at her opponent as she spread her wings. "When what freezes over? I've been to Niflheim; it already has."
Once again, nearby
Later the same day
"You left your place in the line of battle without permission. We had already dispatched reserves to extract Kamijo."
"Captain Testarossa, he's the boy I love! Can't you understand that?"
Before Tessa could react, Kuroko teleported directly in front of Mikoto - and slapped her across the face.
As everyone else looked at her in shock, she said, "I'm a year younger than you, oneesan. And I know - really, I do - how hormones can affect someone. But I don't let them affect me while I'm working. Grow up."
You guessed it ... Nearby
Same time
Ruby Rose practically begged, "Please! Come to the light side! We have cookies!"
- RK: By "drum hit", we mean the player hitting the drum, not the other way around.
- RK: The residence that houses characters from 1970s and '80s TV, which is a hint as to the reference being made here.
- BL: Yomi has seen Matilda the Musical
- BL: Bess (a.k.a. Ves-Ves) has not seen Matilda the Musical
-- Bob
I have been Roland, Beowulf, Achilles, Gilgamesh, Clark Kent, Mary Sue, DJ Croft, Skysaber. I have been
called a hundred names and will be called a thousand more before the sun grows dim and cold....
I have been Roland, Beowulf, Achilles, Gilgamesh, Clark Kent, Mary Sue, DJ Croft, Skysaber. I have been
called a hundred names and will be called a thousand more before the sun grows dim and cold....