The thing is, the impact was increased for the wrong reasons. Okay, I'm not going to be coy here; the specific sentence we're discussing is:
Her gorge rose as every horror, every disguised demand and forced performance, suddenly became *her* victimization, *her* shame.
When the verb was "was" instead of "became", it carried along a host of implications about Nene's childhood which I hadn't intended. Nene is having a moment of empathy, not a moment of memory.
-- Bob
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"Flan on!" -- The battlecry of the Human Dessert
Her gorge rose as every horror, every disguised demand and forced performance, suddenly became *her* victimization, *her* shame.
When the verb was "was" instead of "became", it carried along a host of implications about Nene's childhood which I hadn't intended. Nene is having a moment of empathy, not a moment of memory.
-- Bob
---------
"Flan on!" -- The battlecry of the Human Dessert