Well done! Very enjoyable...
Now for a bunch of specific comments.
If I'd known you were going to use that theme for the quotes at the beginning, I would have sent you this one earlier. (But it might be more appropriate for another chapter, maybe?)
"We are mortal, both individually and as a species, and we know that we're mortal. And that makes us greater than anything in nature, and anything that Man has yet conceived. Mortality makes us superior even to the gods that we have proposed. They can't die; we can, and we do. And we know it. When we act, we know that it might be final. Nothing the gods do can't be undone; they risk nothing, but we risk everything. We have courage; the gods do not.
"Yes, we are passionate, and foolish, and violent. And courageous, and artistic, and creative. We've survived numerous close calls, some of our making, some not. We might yet destroy ourselves, or be destroyed by some natural phenomenon. Death has been our close companion and a constant reminder of our frailty for as long as we've been human. But to be disturbed by that is to be disturbed by the very idea of humanity - to suggest that we're too human. And that requires an almost inhuman blend of cowardice and ignorance."
- Thomas C Greene, 4 August 2006, in the Register article People still too human for Stephen Hawking
Comments regarding the story...
(This is almost canonical -- Belldandy and Urd have spoken with engine trolls in the manga on at least one occasion, but there's no hint whether they hibernate when the engine's readied for the winter.)
(No, Belldandy doesn't know she's Doubletted. Urd does, but that's only because Urd accompanied Belldandy to the ceremony. Even she didn't know who Bell's Doublet was until the system sort-of broke...)
Comments regarding the Concordance...
-Rob Kelk
"Read Or Die: not so much a title as a way of life." - Justin Palmer, 6 June 2007
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."
- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012
Now for a bunch of specific comments.
If I'd known you were going to use that theme for the quotes at the beginning, I would have sent you this one earlier. (But it might be more appropriate for another chapter, maybe?)
"We are mortal, both individually and as a species, and we know that we're mortal. And that makes us greater than anything in nature, and anything that Man has yet conceived. Mortality makes us superior even to the gods that we have proposed. They can't die; we can, and we do. And we know it. When we act, we know that it might be final. Nothing the gods do can't be undone; they risk nothing, but we risk everything. We have courage; the gods do not.
"Yes, we are passionate, and foolish, and violent. And courageous, and artistic, and creative. We've survived numerous close calls, some of our making, some not. We might yet destroy ourselves, or be destroyed by some natural phenomenon. Death has been our close companion and a constant reminder of our frailty for as long as we've been human. But to be disturbed by that is to be disturbed by the very idea of humanity - to suggest that we're too human. And that requires an almost inhuman blend of cowardice and ignorance."
- Thomas C Greene, 4 August 2006, in the Register article People still too human for Stephen Hawking
Comments regarding the story...
Quote:Servitors get access to Choir resonances in this world? Especially that one? Wow...
And that wasn't the only thing she could sense -- all during his rant, the Symphony kept singing "Truth! Truth!" to her.
Quote:That's the biggest surprise of the chapter, for me -- Doug's part of the local Symphony. Go figure...
Electric guitars, brass, and some kind of woodwind -- a recorder, maybe?
Quote:And this proves that Mara isn't a fan of the Rolling Stones...
I want a wardbreaker, and I want it yesterday.
Quote:Considering what happens later in the story, I suspect what he'll do is play "Stayin' Alive"...
"I still can't believe I can take Mara out with disco music." I shook my head again, but this time with a grin. "Next time I run into her while I've got my helmet, I know exactly what I'm going to do."
Quote:But it's a pillow fight -- they've been in bed for the last half-hour or so.
You four have been enjoying yourselves for the last half-hour or so and that's more than long enough. I'm exercising big-brother privilege -- it's time for bed for all of you.
Quote:I hate to say it, but you might need to make a Concordance entry for this one. There are actually some poor unfortunate souls who've never heard of Abbot and Costello, alas...
"So, who's on first?"
Quote:Minor Continuity Problem - Megumi's hearing protectors are removed twice, and her safety goggles aren't removed at all. (And "ripped off her the hearing protectors" has an extra word.) Is it too late to fix this before the whole world gets to read the story?
On its own, one of her hands reached out and slapped the lathe's huge red emergency shut-off button as the other ripped off her the hearing protectors.
...
Belldandy laid down the knife she'd had in hand, and immediately stepped to Megumi's side. Graceful, delicate fingers gently touched her face and removed the hearing protectors.
Quote:Ia! Ia! Kami-sama ftagn!
Either that, or Chris's Boss was a 24-karat lunatic.
Quote:Or it could be a minor bookkeeping task for the local deities in charge of reincarnation. The ladies might even realize this themselves, hopefully before Ami steps in front of a criminal's pistol in the possibly-mistaken belief that she can't be killed...
it's entirely possible that until the situation is resolved, the two of you are effectively immortal.
Quote:I thought it was called "jan-ken-pon"... ("Jan-ken-pow" sounds like a Three Stooges maneuver, where the players both choose "rock" and punch the guard at the same time.)
jan-ken-pow
Quote:Maybe because you haven't woken the troll who lives in the engine from his winter hibernation yet?
"Why the fnord won't you start?" he growled.
(This is almost canonical -- Belldandy and Urd have spoken with engine trolls in the manga on at least one occasion, but there's no hint whether they hibernate when the engine's readied for the winter.)
Quote:Why am I hearing this in a mock '40s-era Bugs Bunny voice?
"Marie! Sweetie honey BAY-bee!"
Quote:Oh, shit. It's that powerful?
They flared white for an instant, then shattered.
Quote:I know OMB doesn't follow the canon of OMG. That's the only thing that's keeping me from going into a long rant about how much fanon has grown around the Doublet System... But I have to ask: In canon, the participants' memories are wiped so they don't know that they're Doubletted, let alone who they're Doubletted to. If this also holds in OMB, how the heck does a Goddess know that a particular Demon is Doubletted?
Because she's doubletted,
(No, Belldandy doesn't know she's Doubletted. Urd does, but that's only because Urd accompanied Belldandy to the ceremony. Even she didn't know who Bell's Doublet was until the system sort-of broke...)
Comments regarding the Concordance...
Quote:Ever visit the Being Upfront website (run by a friend of mine)?
As noted repeatedly, Paradox shares my personal tastes, which means very "talented" -- to use a Sailor Moon dub joke -- female companionship.
Quote:Oh, golly -- I can't imagine what the title might be... (glances at the pile of Kim Mitchell CDs I just copied to MP3s)
A wild, wild party, in fact. Name the song, kids.
Quote:That sounds like a good enough reason to me. After all, this is a self-insert story.
Especially since people won't let me just say "Ami wins because my wife is named Amy."
-Rob Kelk
"Read Or Die: not so much a title as a way of life." - Justin Palmer, 6 June 2007
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."
- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012