Chapter Three Now Available

[Honorbridge]

Saying this chapter is great feels redundant, because EVERY chapter is great. (Sometimes ANY chapter by you guys is great.) Nevertheless, there are always things to improve. The following are my contributions to that list. I may also include random thoughts that hit me while reading.

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"Great!" Doug's voice started off muffled by the helmet, but became crisp and clear when he finished pulling it off.

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'Great' is a single syllable word. It isn't LONG enough to have the effect you describe happen to it! Maybe tack on something to the effect of "I'm hungry." afterwards?

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Apparently now that Skuld didn't need it, it was his turn to use the family scowl.

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This line put me in mind of the three Greek hags who only had one eye between them that they passed around amongst themselves. (Might even have been the Fates.) Was that on purpose?

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I'd give a blow-by-blow description of the work we did on the motorcycle, but to be honest it was mostly boring grunt work -- pick a subsection, find the necessary parts among Skuld's rather idiosyncratic organizational system, carry them to a clear bit of floor, sit and assemble.

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I thought I recalled that before actually beginning work on the bike, everything had been boxed up out of Skuld's system... but on review, it seems to have only been part of the bike was boxed, and it was never said that they weren't boxed according to her system. (Although that makes me wonder why she protested the boxing in the first place. Being contrary again?)

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she'd learned from a sheepish Doug that he knew nothing about metallurgy except a little about something called "essential metal" -- which was apparently a completely magical substance and shouldn't count at all

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Now I'm curious. Concordance this? After googling - essentialmetal.com - a collection of hard rock and heavy metal music releases. *facepalms* I should have know it'd be something like that.

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"There was Another, once, the Warrior, Eternity...

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Hmm, would this be why Belldandy corrects herself in Chapter 2, talking about how long Chris will be with them?

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I could use one of those the practice with.

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During the Urd's Lab scene. Typo - 'the' instead of 'to'.

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Smiling, he turned to me. "It really goes back quite a bit farther than that. We met when we were children."

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Hmm, I seem to remember Keiichi couldn't (wasn't allowed to?) remember this, even after the recall incident, although certainly this can be counted AU to this universe.

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And once it had come down to Belldandy saying, "Oh, why not?", well, Chris mused, his fate was sealed.

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That 'well' seems out of place. Start the sentence with Well instead of And, perhaps, or remove it altogether?

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They try... well, I've killed one god already in my life. An angel won't be nearly as much of a challenge."

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Yeah, but how much help did he have for it? Could he do it again by himself? And probably having to face more than a single god in the bargain?
The final scene offers a pretty interesting look into the psychology of the mind of each character. Don't really know how to explain what I mean by that, though. Still, I liked it.