New part of story
--m(^0^)m-- Wot, no sig?
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Jana’s quarters were in the older part of Grunthal, in the original welded shipping containers. Four steel walls, with some storage space for her few personal items that’d been recovered after the crash, a desk with a few workbooks and a porthole which looked out into the canyon.
There was no bed... just an upright rack where Jana was supposed to sleep.
She longed for a bed. She longed for the feel of soft downy sheets brushing against skin she didn’t have anymore. There were sensory pickups on the metal, but they just weren’t the same. There was no caress of a cool breeze, no tingle from a hot sun, just an electric tingle of information which informed her that something was touching her arm.
Synthetic skin just wasn’t robust enough for vacuum operation.
The picture of her... of who she was... wearing that leotard in zero-g gear with streamers trailing behind her... it brought tears to her eyes. She swallowed a lump in her throat... at least that felt real, trying to remember what it felt like to wear that leotard... how tight it was against her skin.
“Dammit,” she whimpered. Her fist clenched, her breathing hard and rapid. “God Dammit!” she screamed, driving her fist through the table.
It offered as much resistance as a piece of tissue paper might. The chipboard just burst apart, dumping the contents on the floor. Her breath caught in her throat as she stared at her fist, at electromechanical joints.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. In through the nose, slow out through the mouth, blowing air across her lips. She could feel her spit vapourise, just a gentle cooling that seemed to sooth. Close her eyes... take deep breaths. Isolate the self from the machine. Go right back and feel that inner core, then slowly add each and every system to it. Integrate them into herself.
Open her eyes again.
She could see the heat radiating off of where the sun had been shining all day.
A few more tears tickled as they fell down her cheeks. She padded them away with tissue paper, shaking her head to clear it. She could feel the mass of her hair moving, brushing against the back of her neck...
There was something reassuring about that.
Always remember Jana, this was your choice, she thought. And just when I thought I was getting over it, this happened.
She stiffened her lip.
“I am still Jana Hall,” she reassured herself. “I am still Jana Hall,”
She still felt wide awake, but her power cells were in the red. She stepped back into the alcove, feeling docking ports on her back, arms, legs and neck come open. She felt them dock, connectors sliding into place.
Systems called out green in her mind as power and data began to flow. Actuators shut down, inerting themselves for safety reasons while the alcove began to interrogate her hardware. Diagnostic cycles began automatically, ensuring her charging circuits were functional.
The power turned on, warm and flowing through her core. It made her smile unwittingly. It might not have been a weighty duvet, but there was still something deeply satisfying about that feeling... despite it’s unnaturalism.
She had to admit... there were things she enjoyed about this. The training... the training really helped, even if her trainer was far better at handling the action side of things than she was at the psychology.
Being out in space was all she hoped it would be. It was just the price seemed that bit too high.
However she figured if she could hold onto that, she’d get through this eventually. She had no choice really but to.
With that thought, she allowed the sleep inducers to kick in, gently pushing the biological parts of her mind into restful unnatural sleep.
She dreamed of her last competition, of the cheering crowd.
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--m(^0^)m-- Wot, no sig?