"Gil" still hasn't had the full wake-up yet, although Aisha would be hilarious.... irritating mind, but that's what'd be funny. So far, Dragon Wagon's barely run in. And Ford's referring to something that's only part written.... and making the other one up(sort of).
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Ford was telling a story, but Anika wasn’t exactly paying her full attention to it. She was busy puzzling her way through the new comm’s while trying to remember what she’d been taught.
“This was way back when Jet was still insistent about the whole gynoid thing... and this was going way beyond what Jet expected - remember she was still getting used to the special functions the puppet had at the time - so she yells at me over the comm to initiate plan F, for Fire.”
Ford inserted the dramatic pause herself, turning round wearing a cheese-eating grin. She was delighting in the story. She was getting animated.
“Thirty seconds later, the fire alarms and suppression system go off, flooding the penthouse with water, and about twenty puppets either in lingerie or nothing at all come running out into heavy rain and a crowded street, before the owners remember that they themselves are actually still inside what’s supposed to be a burning building. Twenty half-dressed men follow a few minutes later, right into the camera lenses of the waiting press. Including two Australian politicians, and one American Christian Conservative.”
Woops. Anika allowed herself chuckle. “Hehe. Perverts,”
“Nah, Anika.” Ford shook her head. “They were richer than us. Rich people are eccentric.”
“Heh,” She checked a few settings, brushing at the controls with her fingertips. Sensors showed a clear run through. Gil was quietly running away in the background, keeping an eye on things.
She gave a soft, bashful smile... “I’m afraid I don’t have any stories like that,”
“You’re still young,” said Ford, riding the wave of experience. “What, you spent most the last three years locked up by Flint?”
“Unh,” Anika nodded, feeling an uneasy shudder rise through her. “And I’d rather not talk about that,”
“That I can understand completely,”
An indicator chirped somewhere on the bridge.
“Main engines have completed their run-in period,” a mild, monotone voice announced from an overhead speaker. “I have updated the service logs to show this. Maximum performance is now available.”
Gil. It was easy to forget he could speak sometimes. Ford glanced up at it, then down at her own indicators.
“Alright Gil, give me full power. Increase speed to maximum,”. Ford grinned. “Let’s stretch your legs,”
The only sign of a speed increase was a deepening hum rising through the deckplates, and the instantaneous ETA calculation steadily decreasing.
“Engine output at maximum,” Gil intoned.
“Flight Status report,” Ford demanded.
“Current velocity; nine-point-eight-six percent lightspeed, heading zero-two-zero, relative to point of origin. Expected arrival time at Greenhaven, three-one-eight-seven seconds at current velocity.”
“And isn’t that sweet,” Ford finished.
The ship was solid as a rock. No vibrations. No little shudders. No little squeaking panels. It was all brand new and shiny. Even Gil hadn’t developed a personality yet. He didn’t make conversation to fill the silence.
“Y’know, years ago I used to do a lot of these with Jet,” Ford carried on.
“Oh?”
“Yeah,” she sighed. “I kinda miss that. It was fun. But we’re both so busy with keeping Survival Shot going... and other things... ,” Being the Sabers, “that it’s getting harder and harder to get out together.”
“I’m just glad I could get out for a few days,”
“Jeez Anika, don’t make it sound like we’re keeping you prisoner,”
“That wasn’t what I meant,” she said in a small voice. “It was my choice. It’s just my weekday work is in the control room, and my Fridays too. I wanted a break is all. The last time I was off Frigga without a hardsuit on was that trip to Stellvia.”
She could see Ford doing the math in her head. Anika could tell her exactly how many seconds it had been.
“The one right before we got that first contract?”
“Unh,” Anika nodded.
“Damn, you really do need to get out more often,”
Ford busied herself. Even with AI support it was still a very manual job keeping the ship flying. Gil still hadn’t fully broken through and developed his natural personality.
A spark flashed through Anika’s mind. A recollection.
“Wait!” she yelped, sending Ford almost through.
“What?” the mechanic snapped back, not appreciating the shock.
“I have a story,” Anika said, in a mild voice.
Ford spun around to face her in the swivel chair, kicking her feet up onto the console beside her as she folded her arms. “Alright Ani’... shoot,”
“Alright ummm.....” The words just seemed to dissolve in her mouth. Truthfully, she hadn’t expected Ford to actually let her tell one.
When we went to Stellvia, to make that pitch,” ‘That pitch’ being the one that got Survival Shot its first big contract, “I met uh...their ATC head... uh,” Great, the connection between memory and processor was broken. “...Miyuri Akisato in Meg’s at the soda fountain while Jet was with Scott. I was supposed to tell her about our procedures. Daryl was with ahh.... Kagome Mishima and I don’t remember what Kotono was doing. “
She concluded that this wasn’t going well. It had seemed so much funnier in her mind, but the words coming out of her mouth were like lumpy custard instead of the smooth creamy verbal desert she’d imagined. Ford was still listening politely.
“Miyuri bought me a chocolate cheesecake. Cheesecake, I asked her? You’ll see, she warned me. The two of us went through the entire desert menu together.”
She shrunk down into the seat, staring at Ford with the eyes of a frightened puppy.
“So that’s how it happened,” said Ford, mildly.
“That’s not the story. Tomorrow. Just Jet and me were summoned to Scott’s office, and Jet knows it’s out of order because she asks me if I did anything weird but I say no and both of us have to site outside and I’m getting so nervous and my mind is going so fast I start to get hot but there’s no water to drink and when we’re finally allowed in Noah’s looking right at me and he says my name which is right when my whole system takes a thermal trip and I faint right onto the floor of his office.”
Deep breath. Expel the hot air. Intake the cold. Don’t overheat.
“I come back online and they’re both standing over me. ‘Jet, it might’ve been a good idea to ask A.C. for help when you built her.’ Scott said.”
And done with a forced giggle. Ford was staring at her, waiting for the commercial break to end.
“Is that it?”
“Well. He found out I was an AI because I ate more deserts than a human being could handle, and Jet had to pay for it all... but...” She deflated down, seeming somehow to look up at Ford, despite being higher up on the bridge. “It wasn’t funny, was it?”
Ford shook her head slowly. “No. It wasn’t.” A beat. “But it was a good effort. Your timing was just off. And you didn’t tell it right. Jet being stuck with the bill would’ve made a much better punchline for start,”
Anika was working it over in her mind, trying to arrange things in a way that ended with “And I expect you’ll pay for all the dessert” in the best imitation of Noah Scott’s accent.
“Maybe if I had another example?” she suggested with the hopeful intent that Ford’d give her another funny one.
“Okay, let me put on my school-teacher hat. Now pay attention class.
Anika was rubbing her hands. She glanced down at something flashing, but it was nothing important.
“Three years ago, me and Jet were doing fit-out work. We’d set up the main transponder, but with no codes yet so it was just broadcasting an empty ping that signalled something alive was ‘there’, but not who or what it was.”
Anika nodded, showing she was paying attention. A new story.
“A few hours later, Jet’s monitoring comms while I’m doing some fine soldering in the relay box her fingers won’t get into, when a radio message comes over on a public channel:
'This is Grand Moff Tarkin of the Imperial Star Destroyer Emperor’s Justice, hailing unidentified ship. We order you to change course immediately,’”
She did her best to match the officious accent. The gruff, self-absorbed voice told Anika everything she needed to know about this Moff Tarkin.
“Naturally, Jet responds with ‘Negative, change your vector Moff,”
And she could match her partner’s accent with little trouble. She could picture Jet leant over a half-finished comm-panel with a smirk on her face. Ford continued;
“A few moments later, The Moff responds. ‘I say again. This is Grand Moff Tarkin. Change course immediately,”
He sounds like he’s getting pissed. He’s the sort of dope who’s used to getting his way on foot of being a warsie BNF, who hasn’t been told ‘no’ in a long time. We can hear his chest inflating. He speaks like his title alone is reason enough for the Earth to move out of his way to let him pass.
Jet just picks up the mic: ‘Negative, I say Negative Moff Tarkin. We’re not moving,’
We can hear him blustering and huffing through the comm-link.”
Ford tried to inflate her body, drawing in a deep breath as she puffed out her cheeks. The image of Moff Tarkin was complete and clear in Anika’s mind. An officious, arrogant man... probably grown fat and comfortable in his position.
“‘This is Grand Moff Tarkin. I am in Command of the Gagarin-Class Imperial Star Destroyer Emperor’s Justice, being escorted by two Peacemaker Class frigates and Five Tie fighter wings. I say again, you change your course immediately or we will defend ourselves.’
“Now. Jet waits for a few moments, letting him sit before keying open the channel. She says this, absolutely deadpan;
‘Moff, check your radar. We’re a 69 kilometre wide asteroid. Your call.’”
Anika found herself laughing heartily.
“See?” Ford questioned, wearing an amused smile that seemed to touch her ears. “That story works much better because it builds towards the punchline, and because the victim clearly deserves to be made to look like the idiot he is.”
“Yeah,” Anika nodded.
“Don’t sweat though. It’s something that comes with practice. The right teller can make anything funny,”
Anika nodded again.
“You can think about it when you’re prepping cabin 8 for our prisoners.You’re not just a passenger, and I’d like to have somewhere to keep them ready before we get to Greenhaven. Strip everything out, and put two matresses in there; that should hold them.”
“Aye Aye Captain!” she chirruped, standing up into a salute.
She dived back out of the bridge to get to work. By her own reckoning, she had 45 minutes to get it done.
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