Riot Force 6.1/Sabres of Paragon: To Spite A Giant

[OpMegs]

Sofaspud wrote:

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Ops, this is a very good -- VERY good -- story... but it's by far the worst opening I've seen you put out. It feels rushed.

That's probably not a bad estimate. I finished this some time this morning, and if you'll check out the time stamps of the parts above,
you'll know how long this one's been sitting on the back burner. I think part of me just wanted to get it out
the door. I may revisit it and clear up a few jerky moments here and there.

Sylia was keeping what? Her spirits up, I presume, but... I'm unsure.

The precise phrasing probably could've been split up. The implication is that Sylia is keeping a positive outlook on the whole matter. She HAS
to keep a positive outlook. However, what works well in spoken language doesn't always equate well to written works...

Even setting aside the use of the word 'abruptly' -- which doesn't sound like Nene to me, but that's just a personal thing -- I'm very
puzzled by this last bit. "... before we found Priss, she just drops off the map." Who is 'she'? Priss? That doesn't make sense, Priss
is right there (as the next paragraph reveals).

That may be a relic that would've been caught by a second re-read after 7 in the morning. As noted, the part of my brain that was on quality
control probably beat the rest of me to bed by about half an hour.

It took me several re-reads, and only after moving on did I realize what that sentence meant. "non-good and proper" doesn't flow well to me. I
think it means "of their enemies who aren't on the right side of the law", however you want to phrase that. Am I correct?

Awkward phrasing on my part, but yeah, that's the implication. Crey's non-heroic/law enforcement enemies.

All that said... as I pointed out, it's a very good story, and I like it. I think it ties up the Four Colors arc very nicely -- and helps pin down where
Linna's coming from. I haven't really had much of a handle on her before now, so I think this helps a lot.




Plus it was fun to read, and Paul Summerfield makes for an interesting, possibly recurring, villain. I mean, he's not outright stated to be dead, after
all... *evil grin*

He is recurring, in more ways than one.

Simply put, Crey does occasionaly reward ingenuity. After all, he had Linna under control for a short period of time, yes? The next time you see him in-game,
he's in charge of Project: Locke....the Revenant Hero Project, by any other name.
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"Oh, silver blade, forged in the depths of the beyond. Heed my summons and purge those who stand in my way. Lay
waste."